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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Shes showing off right?

70 replies

Itonlymakesyoustronger · 23/08/2021 12:15

Am I right to think my friend is showing off?

Just a passing comment she is making about how the amount of jewellery and her clothes and bag currently on her now is worth over £10K. How every day she walks around with £10K worth of stuff on her?

But it made me think how maybe I don't actually have very valuable stuff that I wear everyday - yes valuable as in they mean a lot to me but not expensive stuff

OP posts:

Meraas · 23/08/2021 17:22

Well I suppose I'm asking why a lavish country home or Mayfair mansion or vintage Bentley isn't considered to be talking.

It is in a way, but I think actually talking about how rich you are is considered vulgar.

I’m working class but I work with very rich people and they don’t like to refer to their wealth at all.

Shirleyphallus · 23/08/2021 17:24

@Whycangirlsbesonasty

It’s so shallow. My daughter keeps asking why when we have lots of money in the bank don’t I buy an expensive handbag. Cause I’m not that shallow!

Lol. This is a brag in itself!

DrSbaitso · 23/08/2021 17:24

[quote aerosocks]@DrSbaitso So? This is AIBU - the OP asked for opinions and I gave one. What's it to you anyway?[/quote]
What it is to me is a rather unpleasant and uninformed judgement, which is ironic when you're castigating someone for not being a good enough person.

And you really don't take well to that being noticed, do you?

thepeopleversuswork · 23/08/2021 17:26

@DrSbaitso

There's usually an inverse correlation between actual wealth and the time you spend shouting about your wealth.

Depends on how you define "shouting". Is a lavishly furnished stately home "shouting"? A second home in the countryside? A vintage car? A charity ball held in the hall of your mansion in Mayfair? Expensive clothing? A massive engagement diamond? Frequent cruises or foreign holidays in luxury hotels?

That's a fair point. But it is or its supposed to be "discreet" as opposed to shouty.

You can argue the toss about what's discreet and what's shouty, of course. Generally the super-rich seem to define "discreet wealth" as wealth that's on show but not talked about explicitly.

But certainly bragging to a mate that you're wearing ten grand's worth of Dolce e Gabbana meets no-one's definition of discreet.

Flatdisco · 23/08/2021 17:27

God that's so embarrassing that she thought this was OK to say.

HerkyBaby · 23/08/2021 17:31

These things mean nothing. Does she have any savings? Is she paying into a pension ? Is she able to buy a new large kitchen appliance should one of hers break? Does she have debts?
I ask all this because someone I know makes out that they are wealthy when in fact they have so little money that their expensive looking car is currently on a payment holiday and I doubt very much whether it is taxed or insured….still she looks lovely in her meaningless photographs with her £1500 handbag.
Chin up OP you are I’m sure better than her in so many ways.

DomPom47 · 23/08/2021 17:38

Sounds like a bit of a cow tbh.

opaleyes2 · 23/08/2021 17:40

Context is key. It is distasteful to just announce it out of the blue, particularly if you have friends that aren't as well off. My engagement and wedding ring set was very expensive and I made a point of not bringing up the cost. Whilst having day drinks with my friends one of the girls asked the cost (a bit rude IMO but I put it down to the wine) I reluctantly told them. I tend to find people that brag about money don't have as much as they'd like, its often showboating to portray they are richer than are. For example, maxed out credit cards or cars on finance. I think a lot of people are guilty of this on social media too.

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 23/08/2021 17:52

Showing off or not, it's sad that she thinks her worth is her belongings

Does she think that, how do you know?

Depends how it was said as to if she was showing off or not.

DrSbaitso · 23/08/2021 18:00

@Meraas

Well I suppose I'm asking why a lavish country home or Mayfair mansion or vintage Bentley isn't considered to be talking.

It is in a way, but I think actually talking about how rich you are is considered vulgar.

I’m working class but I work with very rich people and they don’t like to refer to their wealth at all.

But somehow you know they're rich.

HintofVintagePink · 23/08/2021 18:03

It does sound like showing off. I have a friend who does this. My jaw hit the floor when she mentioned her husband had spent £30k on jewellery for her one Christmas. I hadn’t even asked anything about Christmas?!
Unless the topic of conversation was specific, it’s quite a strange thing to say.

DrSbaitso · 23/08/2021 18:03

But it is or its supposed to be "discreet" as opposed to shouty.

But it's not. That's my point. If you've ever been to a stately home, the entire thing, inside and out, is designed to look wealthy. Ornate paintings and high ceilings and lavish drapes and exquisite carpets. It's supposed to look rich. So is a beautifully made and engineered car or watch. If it looked like a cheap piece of shit, or actually was a cheap piece of shit, these people wouldn't buy it.

They are supposed to look tasteful (subjective, I know), but they are absolutely supposed to look like they cost.

Shanghaisprize · 23/08/2021 18:08

How every day she walks around with £10K worth of stuff on her?

Well, she'd have to be insane to advertise that where I live! She sounds like a twat tbh.

PalmsandCharms · 23/08/2021 18:31

@Eralos

Depends. You sound jealous though. Does anyone really show off as an adult? Who care enough to notice

Yes they do. Trust me. I had a 'friend' like this......turned out they were extremely insecure, a complete liar and a complete fantasist. Their expensive designer goods were all fakes from Cheetham Hill.

Meraas · 23/08/2021 19:43

But somehow you know they're rich.

Yes, but not from them.

DrSbaitso · 23/08/2021 19:58

@Meraas

But somehow you know they're rich.

Yes, but not from them.

All right, fine. You mix with the superior rich people who have lavish amounts of wealth and do nothing at all to communicate it, but somehow it makes its way back to you anyway because they're the right kind of rich. Whatever.

Generally speaking, people who have money use it. Why wouldn't they? Why buy cheap ugly shit if you can afford the best?

I'm not saying it's dignified to tell people for no reason that you're wearing £10,000 (and we still don't know any context for OP's friend's comment, but boy, the character assassinations are out over it). But I don't see how it's any worse taste or more obvious than ridiculously ornate and massive homes, vintage cars and Patek Philippe watches. Those are somehow incredibly discreet and absolutely in no way communications of wealth...or if they are, they're still a better way of doing it.

I knew we would get the "new money" snobbery on this thread, and indeed we have...I never could understand why it's fine to sneer at people who earned their money, but bow and scrape before those who inherited it. All old money was new once, and how was it obtained originally?

Perhaps it's more acceptable to show your money on things in which you can say it's the quality or the engineering that draws you rather than simply "it cost a fortune", but it all comes down to the same thing.

Meraas · 23/08/2021 21:46

@DrSbaitso

You seem over-invested in this. I didn’t say I mix with them, I work with them. That’s not the same thing. And yes, I know they’re rich. Why is that so hard to believe?

Queenie6655 · 23/08/2021 21:50

She probably looks tacky as hell !!!

Those who really do have money -

Never ever brag about it

DrSbaitso · 23/08/2021 21:53

[quote Meraas]@DrSbaitso

You seem over-invested in this. I didn’t say I mix with them, I work with them. That’s not the same thing. And yes, I know they’re rich. Why is that so hard to believe?[/quote]
I'm no more invested than you are. You're here too. Why do people think that's such a zinger of a comment? If I had a pound for every time I heard it, I'd be rich too.

I absolutely believe that these people are rich, why wouldn't I? My point is, they're clearly not as discreet about it as you, and other people, inexplicably insist that they must be...because you know it.

There's this very weird belief on MN (and elsewhere, to be fair) that the "truly rich" or "truly upper class" make no show of it. But you can't know what the truly rich or upper class do unless somehow it's communicated to you that they're truly rich or upper class...

Mistymisty · 27/08/2021 21:02

It all in the context and what you know of her personality.. Had she only just realised she should check her insurance?
Or was she being really cheap by showing off her idea of valuables?
I worked in a bar eons ago and one of our regulars wore kind of shabby casual clothes, he was easy going and nice and totally loaded..... you would not of guessed it. That's class.

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