AIBU To not what his ex in-laws in my home?

[Cannon40]

So I’ve been living with my new partner for 9 months now.
He has had his ex Mother and Father inlaw over twice for coffee both times making me feel uncomfortable in my home. I held my tongue and kept my peace.
Recently however my partner told me that he used to absolutely adore his ex wife (which made my heart twinge I won’t lie.) After this statement he called me by her name a few times and didn’t notice he did it. I said nothing as I wasn’t sure what to say really.
Not long after this his ex sister in-law invited herself to our home to have a nosey and for the cousins to see eachother. At this point I spoke up and asked why the cousins can’t all see eachother when his kids are at their mums as she is his ex sister laws actual sister after all. My partner stated that he couldn’t see why I had issue with them coming here. I explained that I felt uncomfortable with his ex wife’s sister coming to what is OUR home in which I and my children live and why can’t they even go to her house? My kids felt like they would have to hide away in their rooms. He could still not understand why I would be uncomfortable. Anyway the day came and I stated that I would go to my mums when they were here and he said that he really wanted me there. So after a bit of debate I said I would suck it up put a smile on and be pleasant when they were here. He called me sarcastic. I grabbed my shoes and said I was going for a walk. He said maybe you should.
Anyway they came I wasn’t there but I’m still a bit sore about how I was not considered when he made the plans, he could not see why I was upset and that he called me sarcastic when I said I would play ball.
The question is do I have a right to be sore about this or should I have kept my mouth shut in the first place?

I took my partner to stay with my ex mother in law, they got on fine but didn’t do it again as he said it felt weird.
My ex husband is very good friends with my sister, he and his wife stay with her and she visits them.
Perhaps as a family we see things differently, but we all get on well with each other, even had partner ex wife to stay once.

@huuskymam

It sounds like he's not over his ex. I'd be re-evaluating the relationship.

This

CharlotteUnaNatalieThompson
Op did say new partner not long term partner in her op.

LavenderPink I noticed the new partner comment which suggests it's not a long term relationship. It's not fair on dc moving in with someone after a short period of time. It's down to the adults to carefully consider dc when blending which why these type of issues come up.

@Bananarama21

LavenderPink I noticed the new partner comment which suggests it's not a long term relationship. It's not fair on dc moving in with someone after a short period of time. It's down to the adults to carefully consider dc when blending which why these type of issues come up.

Yes agree.

Recently however my partner told me that he used to absolutely adore his ex wife (which made my heart twinge I won’t lie.) After this statement he called me by her name a few times and didn’t notice he did it

Dump the twat, for fuck’s sake.

How does the ex feel about this man spending time with her own family support system?

I would be suspicious that he was manipulating them against her and isolating her from support.

This could be your future if you get pregnant by him, so beware.

None of the stuff about ex ILs coming round would bother me.

They are his kids family and it's great he's keeping them involved in his kids lives.

The issue for me would be him still adoring his ex and calling me by her name.

Did his ex wife pass away, OP? That would make more sense in terms of keeping ILs around. Still a hard situation for you though.

He's just not that into you. He wants his ex back so is maintaining the links to her family. If she clicked her fingers, he'd go running back.

How long were they together?
How long have they been split?
How long have you lived with (D)P of 9 months?
Whose house is it?

I'd be not hanging round. If your house, get rid of him. If his house, move out.

I'm really sorry but clearly he's not over his ex.

Oh I missed that bit then.
Yeah, I’d not be happy

Him telling you he used to adore his ex wasn't very tactful, but should hardly have been a surprise? Most people who marry/live with someone and have children with them adore them at the time. Even if it goes wrong later.

Have you got any exes whose family you can get in touch with and invite round.?
The more the merrier!!
Its bloody weird and I would be having none of it. Does he expect you to be pally pally forever?
He is definitely not over his ex and wants to keep her family close so he feels close to her.

I’ve been living with my new partner for 9 months now

How new? How old are your kids? Who’s house is it?

This would not work for me either.
No need for ex inlaws to meet at your home.
They are being nosy and he's trying to keep thrm on side.

Exactly why did they split?

Does she get on with her family?

It's unusual slightly, but I spend far more time with my ex's family than he does. Their relationship with my children is done through me. That's because the think he's as much of a twat as I do and they have very little to do with him.

It doesn’t sound good, what with his calling you his ex’s name, his prioritising his ex in laws over you, his acceptance that your kids had to hide in their rooms.

Consider if he is worth the hassle.

As the others have said, whose house is it? I wouldn't invest too much in this relationship, tbh. One beckon from his ex and he'll be gone.

OP it sounds to me like you might be the rebound relationship for him, and that's rarely a good thing.

He's not over her, he wants to keep the contact through her family and doesn't care that you find it awkward and uncomfortable.

I'd be moving on.

www.bonobology.com/signs-rebound-relationship/

www.self.com/story/14-undeniable-signs-youre-someones-rebound

www.marriage.com/advice/relationship/the-rebound-relationship/

@Cannon40

Can you clarify the housing situation? You refer to it as "my" home and "our" home.

A few other questions:

How long were you together before you moved in with each other?

Did you know he still had such a close relationship with the existing family?

Who ended the relationship and how long ago?

Does the Ex have a new partner?

What are the ages of all the kids involved?

I’m a bit torn.

I would not be happy about being called his ex’s name.

However having a good relationship with his ex and in-laws would be a massive plus in my book - it’s shows maturity and a desire to maintain connections which are enriching for his children.

He SHOULD have adored his ex - otherwise why marry her and have children. Unless he said ‘I still adore her’ I’d be ok with that.

I am an unusually un-jealous person (confirmed by all exs) so my response might not be typical but I’m not sure you’re right here.

Also, how long have you been together?

Instead of making assumptions and just inviting them over, it might have been better if he had discussed the matter with you first and given you time to think about it.

Also, if my DH and I split my MIL (who I love dearly) has told me I’m not getting rid of her and the feeling is very much mutual.

it sounds like he's not over his ex. Why did they split up?

Her family should be visitingthe DCs elsewhere, ie, at hers.