In feeling like this?

[Sunshinebuttercup]

Recently had a falling out with a friend because I always felt like she never considered my feelings and never asked about me. But even after explaining to her how she made me feel she has carried on. Whenever we chat she never asks any questions about how I am and whenever I try to mention something about me she changes the subject back to herself. For example, she has just had her 12w scan and I said ah I love scans I could have one every week and mentioned I had my 8th scan coming up next week (28 weeks) and I asked if she was going to get one at 16w to find out sex of baby. She said no just sticking to the NHS scans. Then changed the subject to say what she was doing this afternoon! If someone said to me in a message that they'd had 7 scans so far my immediate reaction would be to ask if everything was OK or why they felt the need to pay for that many (it's due to my own anxiety). But she doesn't know this and she has never asked! This is the first time I've told her how many scans I've had and it's not like I go on about my pregnancy because I always wait for people to ask things as I know not everyone is going to be interested but I'd expect a close friend of 10 years to be. She has never once asked how I am throughout my pregnancy and doesn't know any details. But yet I'm always asking her and all of the conversations are about her. I never get anything back. AIBU to see this as a one sided friendship? Or is it just the pregnancy hormones?

You sound really hard work OP, if you want to to tell your friend why you’re having so many scans just tell her, don’t try and guide her to ask a question she doesn’t know needs asking then read so much into it all.

You said you loved scans, if I was her I’d have then assumed that was why you were having them, if you want to explain to her differently then just do that rather than fishing for her to ask things.

@LawnFever I genuinely didn't want to be that person who goes on and on about their pregnancy so with everyone I haven't mentioned it (after initially telling people obviously) unless people have asked me because I know no one else is interested. I don't see how that's being hard-work? Surely that's the opposite?

Because you’re contradicting yourself, you say you don’t want to go on about your pregnancy but you turned your friend telling you about her scan into chat about all your scans.

You’re upset at your friend for not asking about something when you could just tell her whatever you want to tell her.

It’s like you’re setting your friend up to fail because she’s not a mind reader in knowing what you wanted her to specifically ask about & you’re also doing exactly what you’re accusing her of by turning the conversation to yourself.

In the case of this specific conversation, it's kind of hard to tell.
You've done the thing most people do - all of us, really, at some point. Which is to try to connect with someone by relating to what they're saying, instead of focusing on their experience.

For instance, people will say things like:
Person A: "I'm seeing Cher in Vegas next month!"
Person B: "I saw her three years ago - she's amazing!"

Instead of saying something like, "Oh really?! Amazing! Are you going to stay in Vegas for a holiday too?" then adding in that they went to see Cher a few years ago too.

It's normal. We want to relate to each other and show similarities. But we often forget to go deeper and actually ask questions in the moment. It doesn't always mean the person is self-centred.

That being said - I've had friends and partners before who did this ALL the time. Not asking questions, making everything about themselves. Just generally not showing much curiosity or actual interest. And I can't vibe with people like that, so I eventually cut them off. Or I put them in a certain "box". For instance, I'm friends with my neighbour, and she's great for drinks and dancing. But whenever we've had lunches or longer hangouts that are centred around talking, she glazes over when the conversation turns to me, and constantly turns the conversation back to herself.

So yeah. In that conversation, I don't see a huge problem. Could be any number of reasons she switched the topic. But if you generally feel a lack of curiosity and interest from her, then maybe review where you want her to be in your life?