In feeling like this?

[Sunshinebuttercup]

Recently had a falling out with a friend because I always felt like she never considered my feelings and never asked about me. But even after explaining to her how she made me feel she has carried on. Whenever we chat she never asks any questions about how I am and whenever I try to mention something about me she changes the subject back to herself. For example, she has just had her 12w scan and I said ah I love scans I could have one every week and mentioned I had my 8th scan coming up next week (28 weeks) and I asked if she was going to get one at 16w to find out sex of baby. She said no just sticking to the NHS scans. Then changed the subject to say what she was doing this afternoon! If someone said to me in a message that they'd had 7 scans so far my immediate reaction would be to ask if everything was OK or why they felt the need to pay for that many (it's due to my own anxiety). But she doesn't know this and she has never asked! This is the first time I've told her how many scans I've had and it's not like I go on about my pregnancy because I always wait for people to ask things as I know not everyone is going to be interested but I'd expect a close friend of 10 years to be. She has never once asked how I am throughout my pregnancy and doesn't know any details. But yet I'm always asking her and all of the conversations are about her. I never get anything back. AIBU to see this as a one sided friendship? Or is it just the pregnancy hormones?

I agree with the comment that we are very different people. I was hoping pregnancy might change that and we would then have that in common so I've just misread it. As someone said, each to their own and neither of are wrong. Just one of those things

The conversation went like this:
Me - "are you going to have a 16w scan"
Her - "no next one is 20 weeks but could have one a week"
Me - "haha yes agreed I love them we've had 7 so far next one next week"
Her - "I'm going out for lunch this afternoon hope its sunny"

If you read back OP, you'll see how it was you who changed the chat around about her scan, to talking about you. However, it is odd to have a friend who never asks how you are. Does she get in touch very often?

You're the one who changed the subject from her scan to yours!

@Sunshinebuttercup

The conversation went like this: Me - "are you going to have a 16w scan" Her - "no next one is 20 weeks but could have one a week" Me - "haha yes agreed I love them we've had 7 so far next one next week" Her - "I'm going out for lunch this afternoon hope its sunny"

I thought it was you who said you could have one a week?

and I said ah I love scans I could have one every week and mentioned I had my 8th scan coming up next week

@SmidgenofaPigeon

Agreed, I’d assume there was something wrong physically to have to have that many scans. (Is there?) So I wouldn’t pry.

Same here. I wouldn't want to make you uncomfortable by asking why so many.

@Looubylou and @moynomore I've just copied and pasted the messages. I agree I mentioned my scan but I started the conversation about scans and I was agreeing her using my own scans as an example. But she went totally left field and changed the subject. Which i guess is fair enough

Clearly you’re paying for private scans which implies that everything is ok to others

I’m currently having an emotionally difficult pregnancy and i definitely don’t want to discuss my pregnancy with my pregnant friends and I don’t ask them anything about theirs and wish they wouldn’t ask me about mine

@Sunshinebuttercup

The conversation went like this: Me - "are you going to have a 16w scan" Her - "no next one is 20 weeks but could have one a week" Me - "haha yes agreed I love them we've had 7 so far next one next week" Her - "I'm going out for lunch this afternoon hope its sunny"

There's absolutely no reason to think you have any concerns or problems health wise here. You've stopped talking about her pregnancy and started talking about yours.

She's then changed the subject because there's nothing more to say/she felt awkward.

Agree with pp that you changed the subject to yourself but if you are just different people and you aren’t feeling like she cares for whatever reason just take a step back.

@Whinge sorry my original post wasn't clear. I was agreeing with her. She said one a week and I said I agreed and loved them.

@Sunshinebuttercup

Fair enough maybe I am over reacting! I just thought it was an odd response and adds up with every other time she has changed the conversation to herself.

But you did exactly that?!

I said ah I love scans I could have one every week and mentioned I had my 8th scan coming up next week

I wouldn't ask why because I would think from that comment that you were a bit self-indulgent (even though that isn't the case) so I wouldn't want to have that conversation as it would make me sound judgmental which would also upset you.

@MyCatDribbles I'm really sorry to hear that. I hope everything goes well for you

I can see why OP might change the subject onto her pregnancy if she was trying to chat to someone in a similar position. Especially when friend likely wouldn't ask at all..

If it were a more normal friendship, yes, you would wait until asked but that likely isn't every going to happen given what's been said.

I'd feel the same as you OP...

I have a friend a bit the same and it does grate. Not exactly the same but say we went on a shopping trip together to buy Christmas party dresses (for example) we'd both pick something and go into the changing rooms, try dresses on and then come out together for a look. She would literally stand there talking about what she's wearing for 15 minutes asking for opinions on this & that without so much as glancing at me saying "ooh you like nice" or "don't really like that colour on you". I just gave up and went on my own in the end.

I get where you're coming from.

@Sunshinebuttercup

The conversation went like this: Me - "are you going to have a 16w scan" Her - "no next one is 20 weeks but could have one a week" Me - "haha yes agreed I love them we've had 7 so far next one next week" Her - "I'm going out for lunch this afternoon hope its sunny"

Ah... maybe it's her with the medical issue but doesn't want to talk about it you've said you love them but maybe she is dreading them?

Wit out knowing your friends it's difficult to really judge.

I know people that literally only talk about themselves so they are acquaintances not friends.

A true friend the conversation will
Be balanced over time. Not every meet
Up because for example I'm
Having issues with
My dd at the mo so we talk more about that but when my
Friend was bereaved then her issues were dominant

Only you can say what's happening in real
Life.

I think what I was expecting to happen is that she would ask me a question about mine and I'd then counter that and ask her more questions about hers and you know have a conversation about pregnancy. But I can see now that there a many different reasons why she may not have wanted to ask me or may not want me asking her about her pregnancy and that's fine. I agree I mentioned my pregnancy as a way of maintaining the conversation if that makes sense? But I totally get where everyone is coming from

Not sure what thread everyone else os reading, but I think your friend sounds very selfish, OP.

You know her best and you know she’s self-absorbed.

Don’t give more of yourself than she gives to you, and if you want to stay friends, just get bolshier about talking about yourself, don’t let her dominate.

Congrats on your pregnancy 💐

This is why MN is great because I could have got annoyed thinking I was right but in reality just needed my head wobbled! So thanks

Its hard if its all over texts as well as you won't pick up on any shifts in her body language

You said you love scans. I wouldn't have asked you if something was wrong either.

[quote Sunshinebuttercup]@SmidgenofaPigeon nope she has never asked me once. I understand the anxiety. I had scans at 6, 8, 10 and 12 weeks because I was so anxious about that 12 week wait. I completely understand. She doesn't know we are having a girl, doesn't know anything about my life in general because she never asks. Even outside of pregnancy.[/quote]
If she doesn’t know anything about your life in general, then I don’t think she considers you a friend. I think she’s got you in the ‘acquaintance’ box.

@gamerchick

You said you love scans. I wouldn't have asked you if something was wrong either.

It is possibly the friend who has something wrong and doesn't love scans I'm thinking.

@HestersSamplerofCarrots I think that's probably plausible. We met in work and have both since moved workplaces and counties so don't see each other a lot (obviously pandemic hasn't helped) so it's mainly a text/virtual friendship now.