Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask how many of you are working full-time mothers to toddlers/babies

35 replies

Iamincrisis · 21/08/2021 21:32

Just that really. I’m working full time at the moment and worried I’m going to regret it and that it makes me a bad mum (mental health issues makes this worse). Stay at home mum, working mum, both great - I’m just looking for some reassurance I guess that I’m not alone?

OP posts:
happytoday73 · 21/08/2021 21:37

Congratulations on becoming a mum... Welcome to the world of worry and questioning if doing the right thing all the time.
There is no right or wrong answer..just what works for you/your family /situation...

FT working mum here.. My mum disapproval is obvious but unsaid ...no real PT option and I enjoy working plus we need the money... Just what needs to be done... Doesn't help the guilt

FloconDeNeige · 21/08/2021 21:39

Yep. Work full time; just got back yesterday evening from 3 days away for business. Absolutely no guilt - Personally I’m a far better parent for maintaining my career. Happy parents, happy babies/toddlers!

Pinkflipflop85 · 21/08/2021 21:44

I work full time. DS has survived to 7 so far and the toddler dd seems to be alive still!

Hypnoshiding · 21/08/2021 21:45

My kids are 17 and 10. I worked when both were small. I went back after 6 months with both of them.

Genuinely, never regretted it. We have a great relationship. They are fab kids. We had to flee our home die to their dad becoming increasingly controlling then abusive. So it's just us 3.

Honestly, I wouldn't change a thing.

But it doesnt work for everyone and there's no shame in working full time, not working for you.

Its really difficult for me to say 'it worked for me so will for you' if you get what I mean

Noshowlomo · 21/08/2021 21:46

Work full time and mother to a 2.5 year old. It’s manageable but I’m knackered! I don’t regret it though, it is what it is. He goes to childminder and his grandparents and loves them both.

AprilHeather · 21/08/2021 21:46

I’m a mum to two teenagers now but I did work full time when they were young. They were in nursery. I did feel guilty sometimes but I think it’s part of parenting for me, always judging myself or letting others’ opinions get to me! We are close and they talk to me so I can’t have done too badly! To be honest, I’ve found they’ve needed me more as teens and I changed my job to one that is more flexible now so I can spend time guiding them through this transition period in their lives.

Hercisback · 21/08/2021 21:46

Yes, 4&1yo and FT teacher. As above, it works for us.

Spinxsta · 21/08/2021 21:48

I've swung between FT and PT since my kids were 6 months and 18 months old. They're now 5&4 and we have a fabulous relationship. They're great kids, emotionally secure, kind, funny, and all round fabulous.
You do what's best for your own family ... there's no right or wrong.

DisgruntledPelican · 21/08/2021 21:49

Me! 18m child, work full time, only ever parented in a pandemic. I feel guilty about absolutely everything and I’m a shell of the person I used to be two years ago. But I never considered not working; I need the money. I’ve worked part time in the past and I didn’t like it. DS is looked after by nursery, grandparents and his dad. It works for all of us.

HintofVintagePink · 21/08/2021 21:50

Ironically, I’d advise not listening to anyone else!

I work FT and it works for us (we have 2 under 8).

Ignore anyone who isn’t in your exact same work/life setup and who has a negative opinion of your decision! They are not your friends!

DelurkingAJ · 21/08/2021 21:56

DSs are 8 and 4 and I’ve been FT throughout. Wouldn’t change it for a moment…I struggled with maternity leave (DH couldn’t take it due to his job type) and would have really struggled as a SAHM. It helps that my DM always worked FT and I adore her. We did discuss DH being a SAHD but he didn’t want to either and that was that. We have got excellent childcare in place and used the same childminder throughout.

sheusesmagazines · 21/08/2021 21:57

Me! I work full time (50 hours a week) and have a 2.5 year old in full time nursery (no family help) and I’m pregnant with our 2nd. I feel guilty sometimes but I’m doing it to look after our family. We all love each other and spend as much quality time together as we can and both me and DP are really both dedicated to our DS. I think that helps “make up” for it.

Darkstar4855 · 21/08/2021 21:58

I work full time across four days. My son is nearly three and does three days in nursery which he loves, and then is with my partner on the fourth day. I don’t think it does him any harm at all. I am a better mum for having a balanced life and I make the most of the days we have together.

MissTrip82 · 21/08/2021 21:58

Virtually everyone I know with young children works full time. Working parents are a major reason why my hospital is staffed.

People who are judgmental about this seem to find it tolerable when they turn up to hospital with their critically ill child and find us all ready to help them, whilst our own children are cared for by others.

YorkshireIndie · 21/08/2021 22:00

Work full time and have a 21 month old. It is hard and I live in a multi-generation household. Went back when my LO was 10 months and I cried the first week. Did not help it was a new job as well

mutedrainbows · 21/08/2021 22:03

I work 4 days/week, my 10 month old has been in nursery for a month now.

I was really worried but she genuinely loves it there, she is thriving with her caregivers. I do miss her - so much - but I know I can provide better for her this way and I feel less burnt out as well.

Milkbottlelegs · 21/08/2021 22:05

Two kids here, one at school. Work FT in quite a high pressure job (senior management in professional services). We have a FT nanny.

Totally my choice as we don’t need the money. I enjoy my job, I’ve worked hard to get to this level and it’s an important part of who I am. Kids seem pretty happy so far but I don’t plan to be working in this job when they are at secondary school.

My friends with kids are a mix of FT, PT and SAHMs. Everyone is doing what is right for them and there’s no judgement.

TheAverageUser · 21/08/2021 22:06

I work full time and have two boys, 2 and 4. I stayed at home with them for the first year and then it felt natural for me to go to work and them to go to nursery. I don't feel guilty, I provide for then by working a job I like and they have fun at nursery with kids their own age.

wanderlove · 21/08/2021 22:18

Another full time mother of 3 girls. It’s hectic but we are super close and my girls understand that I have to work both for money and also to contribute to society. If it ever feels like it doesn’t work I would change but so far it’s been fine. Sometimes my brain feels a bit fried!

Polkabott · 21/08/2021 22:21

Me! I used to feel guilty, but DS absolutely loves pre school (and used to love the childminders), and I enjoy working. Sometimes I do wish we could have more time together, but I make sure we make the most of weekends and annual leave, but on the whole it works for us and our family, and he's fine.

Livvielo · 21/08/2021 22:24

My children are now 11 and 8, but when they were 1 and 4, I worked full time. 8-6 x 3 days a week and 2 days 9-5. We are very fortunate that we have a lot of family help. I’m 1 of 7 and we all live fairly close, and help each other out with childcare. 6 out of 7 of us now have children. We also have my mum on hand that works 3 days a week but was always happy to do school runs here and there.
We only used nursery for the funded 15 hours at free, and when they went to school, we used a combination of after school clubs and family help.
I went part time when they were 6 and 9 though, as that worked better for our family at that point. I now work 3 days a week 9-5. Working full time allowed me to get to a higher position in the company, and I’m now in a senior role with flexibility. I have no regrets, but I know I was extremely lucky to have the level of help that we had. I now look after my neice and nephew on my
2 days off to help my sister out after years of helping me.

Livvielo · 21/08/2021 22:25

*at 3 years old not ‘free’

Livvielo · 21/08/2021 22:27

But it definitely does not make you a bad mum! I think it made me personally really appreciate the time that I did have with my kids. It’s setting a good example and work ethic. Nothing wrong with being a SAHM mother either. Neither option is better than the other. It’s all about what works for your family 💐

MauveMagnolia · 21/08/2021 22:32

Worked full time
Childcare costs exceeded my salary for 2 years but always seen as a joint cost
Now set to retire at 55 having earned £100k for the past 10 years

You make your choices.

Justgettingbye · 21/08/2021 22:38

I'm due to go back after second may leave in September. DD is starting school and DS is going to a cm and GP over the week.

I went back with my first and had no trouble, it hasn't seemed to have affected her. It made me feel human and that I had a purpose and enabled her to build relationships with other adults and know I'd always come back.

I feel sad at the thought of not taking her to school but at the same time I did the preschool run everyday whilst on mat leave/wfh covid and remember how monotonous it got. Also felt anxious about leaving baby but he has had some settling in sessions and was so happy which has put my mind at ease.

I think children adapt and it's normal to them. For me being at home with them all the time isn't good for anyone. When I worked it felt like when I saw them it was quality time which was really enjoyable.

At the end of the day you are providing for your family and can't knock anyone for that Smile

Swipe left for the next trending thread