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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Quick hand hold please!

29 replies

TastybitofSquirrel · 21/08/2021 14:35

I'm sorry. Not an AIBU but I just need a message or two to help me pull myself together.

I booked a train for me & my DS(4) which we will be catching in about an hour. He's never been on a train before and is so excited.

I booked because I can't drive and I feel so bad that we spend the weekends doing the same things so wanted to do something different and venture out (meeting DH after work).

I feel sick. I've got massive anxiety especially when it comes to the unknown / unusual / out of ordinary. I can't remember the last time I caught a train. I'm worried about missing it, getting on the wrong platform, not knowing where to go to show my ticket, I've booked myself a seat but it wouldn't let me book DS as he's under the age to pay so what if he doesn't have a seat, what if I'm sat next to someone, what if it's busy.

I'm so tired of anxiety stopping me from doing normal things and exhausted from overthinking. Please just settle my nerves. I know I'm completely ridiculous and irrational 😩 would just like to have a normal brain for just one day.

OP posts:
SoupDragon · 21/08/2021 14:39

And breeeeeeeeeeathe...

I know it's not as easy as that though, I hate the "unknown" too. Just take your time and remember that lol of your What Ifs have a positive flip side too - what if you don't miss the train? What if you can see where to go? What if your DS does have a seat? (If he doesn't, he just sits on your lap)

Allow yourself plenty of time to stand back and look at the lay of the land, so to speak. Then you can look for the signs of where to go etc. Hang back and let the crowds go through first.

SoupDragon · 21/08/2021 14:41

With respect to where to show your ticket, when you get to London you should be able to find a manned gate to the side of the automatic gates which will let you through with your DS.

5zeds · 21/08/2021 14:41

You are going to be fine.

It’s going to be so good for you and him.

It’s the first step in everything getting more manageable.

Paddingtonsmarmlade · 21/08/2021 14:42

There is often station staff that you can ask for help from. Basically there will be a sign with the trains on which will give the platform number train will be labelled with time and final destination and then scroll through the other stops.

If ds doesn’t have a seat then he sits on your knee

minipie · 21/08/2021 14:44

It will be ok. Repeat to yourself, it will be ok.

The more you do stuff, the less you will fear doing it. Well done for booking.

staceyflack · 21/08/2021 14:45

Breath, and ground. You'll be fine. Afterwards you'll be so pleased with yourself. And we'll done for challenging yourself, for the love of you child. Hope you have a lovely day. And remember, when in doubt - simply stop, breath and ground your feet to the floor for a minute or two. 💐

Original poster
TastybitofSquirrel · 21/08/2021 14:45

Thank you everyone for the support and sensible ways of thinking.

I had this plan last night of booking the train today and it kept me up all night thinking about it. It's so ridiculous really. People use trains every single day for various reasons. It's not like I've just booked a sky dive!

Thank you again!

OP posts:
MumofSpud · 21/08/2021 14:46

First well done for not letting your own anxiety take over life with your DS.
I have panic attacks (enclosed spaces like theatres and trains) but I really 'fight' through them so I can still take DD to the theatre.
When I get on a train I often check with another passenger and there is usually an electronic sign in the carriage saying the destinations.
I am too scared to go on buses though!

DontDrinkDontSmokeWhatDoIDo · 21/08/2021 14:47

Well done, @TastybitofSquirrel

Maybe you're not anxious - maybe you're excited?

They certainly feel the same - so go with excitement and have an amazing adventure 💕💕💕💕

Original poster
TastybitofSquirrel · 21/08/2021 14:48

@MumofSpud Buses give me shivers too. I don't know what it is that causes the anxiety!

OP posts:
Unravelling2021 · 21/08/2021 14:50

I'm disgusted you can't book one for your 4 year old. This is abhorrent. It's not always physically possible for me every mother to have a their child on their lap. Is there this the UK? You need to complain massively.

Original poster
TastybitofSquirrel · 21/08/2021 14:55

@Unravelling2021 It is the UK. He's free but there isn't even an option to add him to the booking or ticket. Doesn't even acknowledge that he's going with me today (I checked about 10 times to make sure I was doing it correctly). You can only secure a seat from 5 plus 🤷‍♀️

OP posts:
Unravelling2021 · 21/08/2021 15:15

@TastybitofSquirrel that's disgusting of the rail service. Please write to your MP and the Transport Minister Xx

stripedbananas · 21/08/2021 15:18

See your GP to talk about your anxiety as there are ways to deal with it

Toottooot · 21/08/2021 15:20

Without wanting to sound harsh - if you’re that bothered about wanting to book him a seat - pay for it. Absolutely nothing ‘abhorrent’ about a small child travelling for free not having a seat.

Debetswell · 21/08/2021 15:25

@Unravelling2021 calm down.
I'm sure dc won't be made to sit in the corridor.

SoupDragon · 21/08/2021 15:38

@Toottooot

Without wanting to sound harsh - if you’re that bothered about wanting to book him a seat - pay for it. Absolutely nothing ‘abhorrent’ about a small child travelling for free not having a seat.
It's not the OP making an OTT fuss about not being able to book a seat.
SoupDragon · 21/08/2021 15:41

It's so ridiculous really.

It is ridiculous. 🙂 However, that doesn't stop it being something that makes you anxious. There are many insignificant things that make me anxious and I can recognise that they are all ridiculous. It does give a small amount of comfort to have a part of my brain telling me that I'm being ridiculous - I cling to that and tell myself that I can do it.

This would not work for sky diving though 😂

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 21/08/2021 15:41

OP did you buy an eticket? Mine generally show which platform to go to on my phone.

You'll be fine, get there in plenty of time so you aren't worrying about being late. Ask if you need help, station staff will help you

Toottooot · 21/08/2021 15:41

No she’s not making the OTT fuss but she’s not disagreeing with the poster. My interpretation of her posts is that she expects that her son should have a seat.

SoupDragon · 21/08/2021 15:48

@Toottooot

No she’s not making the OTT fuss but she’s not disagreeing with the poster. My interpretation of her posts is that she expects that her son should have a seat.
Your post implied she had described it has "abhorrent" which she did not. She is just bemused.
Toottooot · 21/08/2021 15:55

I was referring to the person kicking off about her child not having a seat saying it was ‘abhorrent.’ Didn’t realise I had to reference every single poster individually. To me, if you’ve read the thread that would be clear - obviously not. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Original poster
TastybitofSquirrel · 21/08/2021 15:59

I wasn't bothered about him having a seat as such. It's just another "what if" my anxiety was trying to drum into my head. It isn't an issue. Catching a train isn't an issue. Anxiety is the issue here.

Anyway, I'm on the train. Thank you again to everyone for their words of sense (and comfort). Off to enjoy our late afternoon adventure now.

OP posts:
Unravelling2021 · 21/08/2021 17:26

Hope we distracted you enough 😉

LaMadrilena · 21/08/2021 17:43

This is exactly the kind of thing I'd get stressed about! I know it's irrational, but knowing doesn't help. Good for you OP - have a great day!

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