If you work FT...

[kravestix]

What do you do with your kids?

I have a three year old starting school next September. I've been looking at FT jobs but coming up blank about what to do with my child. There's school holidays and once he starts School, the school day is much shorter than FT jobs which typically finish between 5pm and 6pm.

So what do people do with their kids?

With your first choice school with the rubbish ‘wraparound’ service there will v likely be local childminders etc.

Would look at what job/study options are likely to lead to prospects to increase your earnings, working in your preferred location(s).

I have 2 jobs. Day job is F/T and I work from home, and kids are with me, whilst dh is at work. Evening job, is shift work at a hospital (non-medical) and dh looks after kids whilst I’m gone a few hours a few nights a week.

We managed to avoid childcare fees (isn’t it so easy to recommend childcare ) by me working evenings for about 4 years when kids were little. After my youngest started school, I started my FT job, and would wfh a few days a week, but after covid, this is permanent for now.

You can definitely avoid childcare, if you have a supportive dh and find something that pays well in the evenings for at least a couple of years.

It’s so hard when they go from nursery to school. I managed a year with wraparound childcare on site, holiday clubs and staggering AL but DD hated it and I was barely covering the cost of her childcare with my salary.

So I left my FT job and eventually found a part time job that’s in a similar field but mostly wfh. I like being able to take DC to school and pick them up, have holidays off with them (I only work 2 days a week so can catch up when they’re in bed).

I nearly had a breakdown trying to work FT, run a household and cope with childcare and holiday arrangements on top of my commute. So hats off to all parents who manage it!

I’m lucky in that DH is the main earner so it’s not essential that I work. I realised I was putting my work before my family’s needs, when I stopped it was liberating to just focus on the family and household for a bit (even though I didn’t want to leave my job to start with).

There are all kinds of childcare available for half terms and holidays but be aware your child may not like it. When they’re older they can choose say a week of karate or a sports boot camp with their friends but it’s hard when they’re reception age.

Flexitime and paid childcare.

I don't have DC yet, but both my parents worked full-time and I was in childcare.

I went to a childminder when I was very small, then when I started school, it was breakfast club (which) started at 8am and after school club (which ran from 3.30pm-6pm).

In the holidays, it was holiday club from 8am-6pm everyday.

@icedcoffees

I don't have DC yet, but both my parents worked full-time and I was in childcare.

I went to a childminder when I was very small, then when I started school, it was breakfast club (which) started at 8am and after school club (which ran from 3.30pm-6pm).

In the holidays, it was holiday club from 8am-6pm everyday.

How did you find it? Did you mind?

@StrangeToSee

It’s so hard when they go from nursery to school. I managed a year with wraparound childcare on site, holiday clubs and staggering AL but DD hated it and I was barely covering the cost of her childcare with my salary.

So I left my FT job and eventually found a part time job that’s in a similar field but mostly wfh. I like being able to take DC to school and pick them up, have holidays off with them (I only work 2 days a week so can catch up when they’re in bed).

I nearly had a breakdown trying to work FT, run a household and cope with childcare and holiday arrangements on top of my commute. So hats off to all parents who manage it!

I’m lucky in that DH is the main earner so it’s not essential that I work. I realised I was putting my work before my family’s needs, when I stopped it was liberating to just focus on the family and household for a bit (even though I didn’t want to leave my job to start with).

There are all kinds of childcare available for half terms and holidays but be aware your child may not like it. When they’re older they can choose say a week of karate or a sports boot camp with their friends but it’s hard when they’re reception age.

Ahh. You're putting me off. These are the things that are worrying me.

@MilkCereal

Just to say working in a school or as a teacher will not fir I with childcare. I do this and start at 7:45am most days have meetings until 5pm. We use after school club. Very naive to think if you work in a school or as a teacher you can have your children with you before and after school.

I didn't mean that. I'm aware teachers have to work ridiculous hours during the week and their children have to attend breakfast and after school clubs, go to child minders, etc. I was referring to teachers not having to pay for childcare during the School Holidays.

@IceCreamAndCandyfloss oh, I totally agree. Their dad works full time and always has so they do have that role model in their life. I'll be better off next year once my youngest turns three and is entitled to some free childcare hours. I'm planning to return to work then. I'd be worse off if I did it now.

How did you find it? Did you mind?

In all honesty @kravestix I hated it and I wouldn't put my own children in full-time childcare.

But I've seen posters get absolutely slated for that viewpoint on here before so I'm bracing myself!

We chose DS primary school on the basis that it had guaranteed, good quality breakfast and after school club. So perhaps take another look at the school that offers wrap around care.

Sadly this probably why so many women are SAHMs, or in PT work which fits around the family! ATM you would need to find childcare/After School club fairly quickly as they fill up pretty fast. Maybe use a CM for now ,or see if another Mum would be happy to pick up for you?

IcedCoffees I went after School to my friends house (My dad died when I was young so DM had to work 9am/4pm (PT hours in the 60s believe it or not!) and my DGM during holidays .I missed going home some nights. I think there is an expectation that as soon as they start School all your CC problems are over .(Often only just beginning in reality!)

1. pay for childcare (childminders are usually good for before and after school care and cost effective, or there are often wraparound clubs.
2. do what you can to minimise needing paid for childcare, eg: agree to work different hours to the children's other parent - I do 8-4, DH does 9-5. Ask to wfh a couple of days if its possible to reduce commute time.
3. ask family if they could help but prepared for this to come with strings attached/irritation around holiday dates etc.
4. ask if any other parents can do a "swap" eg If you start work at 9.30, can you have one of your childs friends before school & drop them with yours, in return for a friend doing the same for you after school?
5. make sure you are claiming any financial help out there, so tax free childcare, 30 free hours etc.

Just noticed the hours you mention. 8.30-6.30 and 8-5.30 are both quite "long hours" for full time. Really resist these if you can, of course employers love it but look at the pay, if it's a fixed salary, is it paying correspondingly more than a role doing 9-5? I once had an employer try to offer me the same money working 8-5.30 that my current role pays for 9-5. They were really obstinate in failing to accept that 1.5h extra per day is effectively a full extra day of work every week and I expected to be paid for it.

@dottydodah

IcedCoffees I went after School to my friends house (My dad died when I was young so DM had to work 9am/4pm (PT hours in the 60s believe it or not!) and my DGM during holidays .I missed going home some nights. I think there is an expectation that as soon as they start School all your CC problems are over .(Often only just beginning in reality!)

I totally agree.

A lot of my friends had a SAHP because it was far easier and much less stressful for them to be around for the school run than it was to try and organise childcare (often for multiple DC).

Btw OP it doesnt have to be full time full time to be more than 2 days a week. I know lots of people who do things like "4 days over 5" eg 28 hours over 5 days, 5h 40 mins a day. If you ask an employer if you can combine this with some wfh and reduced lunch breaks (30min) you can fit it around a school run, especially if the children's other parent can do a morning school run before work (or a neighbouring parent might be ok walking your kids to school with theirs) so you can start working at 8am.

My parents both worked FT when I was at school. They were able to walk me to primary and then after school I'd go to a childminder 4 afternoons a week and a friend's every Tuesday (our mums were friends and we were at the same school a year apart). The friend's mum then took us to Rainbows/Brownies every week. My mum didn't pay her friend for this one afternoon, but they attended a fitness class together every week which my mum paid for!

Once I was 11 and started secondary I caught a bus to school with friends then back home and was home alone about 3.30-5.30pm. I was a mature 11yo though and had trusted neighbours around for any issues. Same in holidays but as I got older could go and do my own thing with friends in the day.

In holidays at primary age I remember feeling a little bit passed around. My parents would use a bit of annual leave, but I would have a day with a friend, a day with my grandma, my cousins etc. I had a few experiences of holiday clubs but wasn't keen. Looking back I think it must have been quite tricky to sort the summer holidays out and make arrangements for me 5 days a week!

Mine are adults now but when I had this problem, I advertised for help.
We had a lady who came at 8 every morning and finished getting them ready and walked them to school and then picked them up and walked them to the park and then home it to clubs or whatever.
She would then have them a couple of times in half term, either morning or afternoon or a full day ( always did what suited her) and she would take them out for a few hours.
We absolutely loved her. She was a lovely lady and she stayed with us till ours were old enough to get themselves to and from schools.
She works for another family now.
The children still message her and invite her to everything and anything.

Get a job that’s term time only

We both work full time. We did various things over the years. When we had 3 children in under 4 years when the oldest went o school we were still paying one person to look after the other 2 full time so that person also did school collection of oldest.

Another option we did late was find someone prepared to work 3pm to 6pm for £10 an hour and to do full time in school holidays. It preserved our careers so was worth it. Even in year 1 of having a baby when 50% of each of our net salaries went on her childcare it was worth it as we were able to climb the work ladder and get promotions etc over the years.

Our primary school had wrap around childcare, including a breakfast club that was subsidised so only cost £2.

Xenia makes a good point that it's all about the long term.

You are looking at low wage jobs now OP, but if you can work hard and make the most of every opportunity, maybe there will possibilities for promotions, training and increased experience to help your earnings rise. You could be looking back in 5 years time finding that the childcare costs are a much lower proportion of your earnings and it's really paying off. Remember for most women there are a good 20-25 years left working when children are 18+/left home, so it's really worth having a career.

I worked part time when he was small, term time only from 4 -11 and then full time when he went to senior school. I started work at 7 & finished at 3 whilst he was at primary. This meant my husband dropped him at school and I picked him up so we managed the wrap around aspect and I was available for school holidays. It was much easier for me to do that than try and work full time. Once he hit senior school I continued to start work early and finish early so that he didn't have long at home on his own after school.
I feel for you it is really difficult to juggle everything, but there are ways around it if you can compromise a bit.

Ahh. You're putting me off. These are the things that are worrying me

Sorry! Yours might be different and love the stimulation and social aspect of breakfast club, after school club and holiday club. Unfortunately mine didn’t, they just wanted to be picked up at 3pm like their friends and spend holidays playing at home.

I found it really hard getting them up and dressed for school (unlike nursery which they enjoyed) and having to drag them out early so I could get to work on time. One day my DD had a tantrum and said ‘I hate your job’ I think that was the turning point. I was so focused on getting to work on time I was stressed and rushing them.

DH and I argued a lot as he’s FT and with me FT too one of you has to be ‘on call’ in case they need picking up early/have an accident.
He was struggling to focus on his job so we made the decision I’d give up mine so one of us is always on hand for the DC, able to keep the house reasonably clean and tidy, keep on top of laundry and meal prep. Since I took that load of him he’s much happier and recently got a big promotion.

DC are much happier too. I’ve discovered they just like me being nearby, even if I’m working in another room within shouting distance. After school I have time to do their reading and phonics and homework with them, instead of letting it all pile up for the weekend.

And they nolonger make a fuss about going to school as it’s only for 6 hours not 11 hours. Looking at it through their eyes 11 hours is a long time to be away from your parents every day.

When they’re older I’ll increase my hours but for now FT isn’t a realistic option for us. If I earned a lot more and we could afford a private nanny it might be easier, but even a childminder isn’t the same as home.

Plus I’ve got more energy, tasks I found overwhelming before I now do easily as part of my routine. I have time to think about them all and what they need, talk to them, teach them.

I’m not trying to put you off, just advising you monitor the situation carefully if you go FT. I got so caught up in my job I had no energy for much else, even weekends I was drained. FT work can be quite all-encompassing even if your employer is family friendly/flexible etc.

Not having the worry is a big relief too, like forgetting half term is coming and wondering how you’ll find childcare at short notice, or trying to sort 6 weeks in summer.