DSC mum buying stuff for birthdays we already bought

[Hunkahunkaa]

AIBU to feel this is a dick move on her part.
My DSD is crazy about a particular hobby. DH and I bought him some kit for this hobby and som equipment from the shared gift list that DH has with his EW on amazon. They also discussed the gifts they were each getting. We went to a city 2 hours away to collect these gifts as they were out of stock everywhere else.
This week dh was dropping off the DSC and his EW declared that she has now bought this item and we will have to get something else. DSD will open gifts at mums in morning and they come to us in afternoon, I feel so annoyed that she has done this as we now have this gift that no-one else we know will want and we have to find something else a week before their birthday.
AIBU to feel this way???

Give it to him early

She sounds a bit bonkers

Does it matter if he has two, one at each house so he doesn't have to cart them back and forth? I would be inclined to do his birthday early though and let him open yours first considering you had all arranged it between you.

Agree give early!

@HPandTheNeverEndingBedtime

Does it matter if he has two, one at each house so he doesn't have to cart them back and forth? I would be inclined to do his birthday early though and let him open yours first considering you had all arranged it between you.

its the kind of smallish thing you would take between houses.

Another one for give it to DC early. YANBU.

if I say what it is ill be outed

Just give him the gift he can have 2.

If she definitely knew, and hadn't already said that she was going to try and get it, then it is clearly a rubbish decision on her behalf.

I also feel like "give it to the dc early", which hopefully puts the need to return and replace the gift back on to the other parent.

But then I feel that's petty, and would she, and if not then how disappointing for the child.

How frustrating.

its more the principle of it. they agreed who would get what and she deliberately got the same as us in spite and said ' you'll have to get something else'.

Control the things that you can control and let go of the things you can't ie her actions. Just think what's best for dc.

Totally depends on the wider situation. For example, is he a Disney dad who does stuff all but wants all the glory of buying the "best" present every Christmas and birthday? If so, I'd do the same in mum's shoes.
Nobody knows what the reality of the family is or the context. I'm sure if the mum was on here she'd have a totally different version of events, and no doubt somewhere between the two would be the truth.

I think it depends, was it mutually agreed? Or was she told. Does dad like a bit if glory?

@Hunkahunkaa

if I say what it is ill be outed

Yes of course. Everyone on here knows your stepchild and his hobby.

Definitely give it early. If you don’t have contact till then do a video call, show him the wrapped present, hint at what it is, get him excited etc.

Give it early.

I'd give it early too.
It'll be handy if he has two, he is a DC he'll be delighted to have 2 of the same item.

If it was genuinely mutually agreed who wpiod get what, and not just that your DH chose the best bits off the list, then I agree, give gifts early!

Give gifts the weekend before to Mum has a chance to return her stuff and buy alternatives though, no need to be a dick about it even if you feel she has been.

I'm in the give it to him early camp.

Definitely a dick move by the mum.

Well DSCs mum already knows its about her so the specific item isn't outing.

But I'd give him them early. But even if you give them after her if he says "mum already bought me these" just say "really? That's weird, we told her we'd bought them weeks ago. Oh well, I guess you have two now. Let's have cake!"

@IWantT0BreakFree

Totally depends on the wider situation. For example, is he a Disney dad who does stuff all but wants all the glory of buying the "best" present every Christmas and birthday? If so, I'd do the same in mum's shoes. Nobody knows what the reality of the family is or the context. I'm sure if the mum was on here she'd have a totally different version of events, and no doubt somewhere between the two would be the truth.

No 60/40 to us 60%

@Freddiefox

I think it depends, was it mutually agreed? Or was she told. Does dad like a bit if glory?

Mutually agreed

Have you name changed OP?

No

@80sPadme OK but the general point still stands, that this story without any context about the co-parenting relationship etc is not enough for anyone here to make a judgement on. I imagine mum would describe the situation very differently. It doesn't really make any sense that she would agree to something like this (amicably, with clarity and not having been railroaded) and then randomly decide to just buy something she knows you've already bought. It just doesn't make sense.

Speaker sorry that was meant to say yes