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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Children’s birthday money

65 replies

anotherlittlesquish · 19/08/2021 16:35

Hi All!
Our DS’s first birthday is approaching and DH and I have been deciding on a gift. We were torn between 2 toys (both around £40) but decided on the first.
I said that if DS received any money for his birthday (very likely from great grandparents) then we could get the 2nd aswell with the birthday money.
DH very against this idea and said any money received from family for any occasion should be put straight into his savings account as it’s not our decision what that money gets spent on.

AIBU for assuming we’d spend a portion of his birthday money on an appropriate and well researched gift or is DH?

OP posts:
Buzzer3555 · 19/08/2021 16:36

That sounds fine to me. I would put it towards a gift

Dishwashersaurous · 19/08/2021 16:36

Er ask the grandparents what they want to happen with the money. Normally money is given because people don't know what to buy, you could just say that child would like x.

If its for savings, then would expect the giver to stipulate that

Fiddliestofsticks · 19/08/2021 16:37

It's really a family decision. There isnt a right or wrong, not at that age.
However, if you get in the habit of doing that then you'll have problems when they're older, because you really cant take it and spend it when they're old enough to realise.

It really is best not to but, if you've not go the money to buy the toys you really think he would love then go ahead and do it. As long as it is for a toy for him and not something for you.

Notimeforaname · 19/08/2021 16:37

Yes I don't think it's a big deal. My parents give my nieces and nephews birthday/Christmas money along side gifts. And some if it is used for things they might like.
It's not all locked up for when they are older. Its nice to see the children enjoy something from the money sometimes.

Bufffy · 19/08/2021 16:38

I would just ask the grandparents if they’re happy for it to be spent on the toy. If not then savings

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 19/08/2021 16:40

DDs recieve Amazon vouchers and money from a few relatives. They know we use them for big purchases for them... things like the big trampoline, and the 12ft pool etc. Things they want, but its too big for one person to buy. We ask them if they want these sort of things... they are 8&10 now.

In a couple of years they will get them themselves instead.

Lou98 · 19/08/2021 16:44

Personally I'm with your DH although I don't think there's a wrong answer.

Any money we were given for DS when he was born we put in a savings account for him and we'll do the same with any money he gets for his first birthday when it comes.

Once he's old enough to choose something to buy with the money then he can spend it as he pleases but just now we feel it's more beneficial in his savings account than on yet another toy as we end up with loads!

Knittingupastorm · 19/08/2021 16:45

There’s no right or wrong, but when DD’s great grandparents send money, they normally ask what we’ve spent it on/want to see pics of DD enjoying whatever toy we bought with it etc. I don’t think they’d mind if we saved it, but it’s given in a “we don’t know what to buy so please buy something she’ll like” kind of way.

Florencenotflo · 19/08/2021 16:49

We've done a bit of both. I'd say 90% of what our DD's have been given is in their money boxes. Dd2 is 5, a few times she's asked for a toy which I don't have the budget for right now, but I've said she can use her own money. She's happy with that (and have all been under £20 anyway). We used some to buy some bigger garden toys last year.

But the rest we are saving until they can decide what to spend it on themselves.

UnbeatenMum · 19/08/2021 16:50

I always put money in savings when children were small but I don't think there's a right or wrong in this situation. If we were short of money and they didn't have enough age appropriate toys then I might have used it.

Akire · 19/08/2021 16:51

If I send money it’s usual for a gift and it’s nice to see what the gift is. It’s hard but especially for 2,3rd children when you may have lots of things already and don’t need duplicates or have room for specific gifts.

I would feel sad if money was locked away for years unless parents had said saving for specific thing or hobby

TwinkleTwinkle11 · 19/08/2021 16:51

As others no right or wrong but we tend to half whatever money DC gets between savings and something he'd like.

reluctantbrit · 19/08/2021 17:08

I would think the money is in lieu of an actual present and can be spend on it.

If the sum is large then it makes sense to split it and put part away for saving.

Saying that, I found between 1-2 DD preferred the kitchen cupboards to toys and I would have put the money aside and maybe bought something a bit later or even something practical.

mindutopia · 19/08/2021 17:27

I think it's fine either way. We spent our first's birthday money from family buying a very expensive (at the time) rear facing car seat. It seemed a much more worthwhile use of the money than just putting in the bank for her to spend on beer at uni one day. I don't really subscribe to the idea that money given to children can never be touched. I think it just depends what you are spending it on.

That said, a 1 year old probably will appreciate one toy just as much as two and they lose interest in things quickly, so in this case, I'd probably just put it in the bank or save it until you have something else to spend it on.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 19/08/2021 17:31

This is why I don’t gift cash anymore to children after reading posts re it going on essentials or not reaching the child.
I think at that age we either choose something fun or saved odd bits in a pot and they picked something big when old enough to choose. As soon as they started being able to shop all money gifted to them was theirs to spend as they wished, it wasn’t for savings as was given in lieu of a gift.

Blossomtoes · 19/08/2021 17:35

I hate parents commandeering kids’ birthday and Christmas money and stashing it away in savings accounts. It’s different if it’s given specifically for that purpose but I used to treat it like a voucher and take mine to buy something they wanted with it.

user1493494961 · 19/08/2021 17:36

I would save it for him.

Greenrubber · 19/08/2021 17:41

I save any money my DD gets! But also Xmas is not long away keep your ideas for then

PeonyTime · 19/08/2021 17:42

My godson has to save any Birthday cash. I send him Amazon vouchers so it gets spent, not saved.

Greenrubber · 19/08/2021 17:43

@Blossomtoes

It's only their first birthday!
Mine is 4 and I still do it when she gets a bit older she can decide what she does with it then

User135792468 · 19/08/2021 17:47

All money goes into savings accounts for their future. Vouchers are to be spent on whatever you think. Can you not just get both of the toys yourself?

Agadorsparticus · 19/08/2021 17:49

I tended to put it in savings as the DC got plenty of presents for their birthdays. Now they are tweens/ teens I'll ask them what they want to do with any money given. Eldest will happily take the cash, youngest wants to put it in the bank. If they see something they want to buy, I will take it out of their savings for them.

Cryalot2 · 19/08/2021 17:54

I think the best way is to ask the grandparents or those who give do they prefer it to be used to buy xyz or to go to savings.
As it has been said there is no right or wrong way here.

HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend · 19/08/2021 17:55

We put 50% to savings and 50% to their wants/needs.

Ds15 and 12 both now automatically give us half to put in their saving by accounts.

Lockdownbear · 19/08/2021 17:58

In hindsight I wish I'd banked more of their money when they were too small to understand money.

I now have a house overflowing with stuff, so much of it is never looked at. It becomes depressing knowing that stuff hardly looked ends up getting given away / sold for a fraction of what it cost originally.

Less is definitely more when it comes to toys.