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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Children’s birthday money

65 replies

anotherlittlesquish · 19/08/2021 16:35

Hi All!
Our DS’s first birthday is approaching and DH and I have been deciding on a gift. We were torn between 2 toys (both around £40) but decided on the first.
I said that if DS received any money for his birthday (very likely from great grandparents) then we could get the 2nd aswell with the birthday money.
DH very against this idea and said any money received from family for any occasion should be put straight into his savings account as it’s not our decision what that money gets spent on.

AIBU for assuming we’d spend a portion of his birthday money on an appropriate and well researched gift or is DH?

OP posts:
TheQueensCousin · 19/08/2021 17:58

Tbh I'm with your DH. My DC are now adults but any money that they got as gifts when very young went into a savings account. As they got older any money that they received from family or friends was split and half was used to buy whatever they wanted and half went into their savings account. This has resulted in a nice little nest egg for them to be able to travel or for help with major purchases as adults.
I'd save the money :))

KingdomScrolls · 19/08/2021 18:02

We don't save birthday and Christmas money long term, we save a generous amount for DS every month and I think gifts are given to be enjoyed (different if a grandparent specifically days here's £500 for his savings account for example). DS has a December birthday so lots of people give him cash for one and a gift for the other, we put it into a specific account and later in the year/next summer if he wants something he can have it from his birthday money. I might think differently if we couldn't afford to save regularly for him, but we can so a gift is a gift to me, to be enjoyed by the child.

KingdomScrolls · 19/08/2021 18:04

I absolutely wouldn't spend it on a car seat etc. Keeping them safe isn't a gift to them it is an expectation of a parent

Datsandcogs · 19/08/2021 18:06

It depends how the gift is given. If it is expected to go into savings then YABU, if directed to buy hims something YANBU. If not directed then I would expect it to go into savings.

Blossomtoes · 19/08/2021 18:07

@PeonyTime

My godson has to save any Birthday cash. I send him Amazon vouchers so it gets spent, not saved.
That’s an excellent idea. I’ll copy you!
Original poster
anotherlittlesquish · 19/08/2021 18:08

Thanks everyone! Really great advice.
I will ask the grandparents, I’m pretty sure they intend the money to be used for gifts.. they just wouldn’t know what to get so give money instead.
All money DS has received so far ( when he was born and first Christmas) has been saved as he had everything he could possibly need then.
We have bought the first toy and a fair few smaller items (books, sensory toys etc)
He certainly doesn’t NEED the other toy aswell, and now I think about it, I’m sure once his birthday has been and gone and I have a house full of toys from other family members etc we’d be better off putting it into savings for when he’s a bit older/wants big ticket items that we might not be able to afford at the time etc

OP posts:
converseandjeans · 19/08/2021 18:09

We did a bit of both - so they have savings but when they were tiny I used to use birthday money sometimes for things like a zoo pass, joint trampoline & as they got older they have done bit of both. Put money from their account towards new bike or an Xbox. So things we can't afford to buy ourselves. We had very little money when they were tiny & could not have afforded some of the things we did.

I don't know you need too many toys at home. But that's just my preference - to put towards an experience or larger item rather than lots of toys.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 19/08/2021 18:09

Honestly either is fine, as they get older they will prob want to spend some and save the rest.
V weird to ask a grandparent how you spend the gifted money

LaikO · 19/08/2021 18:13

I'd put it in savings. At 1 my son couldn't care less about expensive toys, he was more interested in unwrapping gifts, and as he comes up for his second birthday, I think there are 2 toys he still plays with from his first, and the most expensive was around £20.

XelaM · 19/08/2021 18:13

A 1-year-old baby won't know the difference between a £40 present and wrapping paper. Save the money for the future.

Planty13 · 19/08/2021 18:14

Neither is wrong. I would put money away sometimes and use it later in the year. For example my DD BD is in January so sometimes BD money gets put away and we’ll get a scooter in the summer or something

trumpisagit · 19/08/2021 18:16

I would spend a lot less on a 1 year old. They don't need £40 gifts.
Put the money in a savings account for them and buy them a smaller gift and save yourself some money too.

BooomShakeTheRoom · 19/08/2021 18:28

Neither is unreasonable. Can you only afford £40 for his present? No judgement, just checking if you're considering using him bday money because you can't afford the other gift or just because.

If it's not a case if can't afford it, then I would put his bday money in savings. He won't notice another toy but he will thank you when he has driving lesson money etc.

Santastealer · 19/08/2021 18:30

I never put the kids birthday money in savings. As it’s given for birthday or Xmas I assume it’s for them to use to buy a present or activity with.

We usually use their Xmas money on an annual pass to a local theme park. Birthday money they take to the toy shop and choose what they want to buy with it.

Ragwort · 19/08/2021 18:32

We mostly saved the money our DS was given (we told the DGPs this and they were very happy with that decision). Our DS is 20 now and has a decent savings fund, he did use some towards a PS when he was 15 but he's had plenty to pay for his own post A level holiday, help him through Uni and he's bought his first car as well. (We do give him an allowance at Uni to top up his maintenance loan). He is very sensible with money and saves and invests wisely. Now saving for a deposit for his first house.

In my view most DC have far too many toys and 'stuff' ... see endless threads on de-cluttering and tidying DC's room etc. I manage a charity shop and the volumes of toys, games etc we are donated (much of it hardly used) is pretty depressing.

Twixxed · 19/08/2021 18:33

I'd say it depends on the amount - if I gave someone less than £50 for their child I'd expect it to be spent on a toy/activity/clothes rather than saved. I'd assume people give money because they don't know what to get, not because they necessarily expect it to be saved.

vincettenoir · 19/08/2021 18:34

YNBU. But I am with your DP. It’s going to be tough out there for the next generation so I much prefer to put money in dds account than buy her more guff. Your DP is playing the long game.

notacooldad · 19/08/2021 18:37

Personally I think one gift at 40 quid is enough for a 1 year old and it reasonable to save anything else.

Ragwort · 19/08/2021 18:38

Twix not always, I would far rather a cash gift I give to a godchild, niece or nephew was put into long term savings than spent on toys etc.

Blossomtoes · 19/08/2021 18:43

@Ragwort

Twix not always, I would far rather a cash gift I give to a godchild, niece or nephew was put into long term savings than spent on toys etc.
It you’re not Twix - or me. We want the money spent! So Amazon vouchers it is now!
RedHelenB · 19/08/2021 18:45

They have so many toys at that age that I agree with dh that you should stick it in their savings when my kids were older then that money came in useful for spending money on school trips or towards driving lessons.

Cheeseycheeseycheesecheese · 19/08/2021 18:48

I don't think either is wrong or right.
Ds was given money when we had him, for Christmas and is first birthday, we used some of it to buy his car seat. The rest went in piggy bank in his bedroom.
The second Christmas I took him to Smyths to spend some of it then after his second birthday we split what he had in half and it all went into the 2 accounts his grandparents opened when he was born.

I think it's up to you what you do with the money, but it has to benefit the child ultimately.

BritishSummertime · 19/08/2021 18:49

I'd save it at his age, or maybe buy him something in 6 months if he's grown into a new stage & could use something bigger for example.

We still save any money DD aged 9 is given, she gets enough toys & will always need money for driving lessons/car/house deposit etc. She gets money from relatives who we don't see to hand deliver presents or they don't know what to buy, I always tell them it's in her savings & so far no one has complained or stopped sending money.

And she's got 2 different accounts to maximise the interest so it's as worthwhile as poss

AndSoFinally · 19/08/2021 18:55

We didn't buy anything for ours until they were at least 3. They got so much from extended family that we just put money away for family days out instead and bought gifts with the money family gave.

We had a separate savings scheme aswell

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 19/08/2021 19:04

@Ragwort

Twix not always, I would far rather a cash gift I give to a godchild, niece or nephew was put into long term savings than spent on toys etc.
I wouldn’t. If I wanted to save for a god child I’d do it myself unbeknown to the child or their parents.

I want the child to benefit from my gift so won’t gift cash as too many parents control it, either by saving it or spending it on essentials.

It’s unlikely birthday/Christmas gifts would add upto a house deposit for most and driving lessons I see as a parenting essential like swimming lessons etc.

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