Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is it ok to use Grindr if you are a teacher?

56 replies

whydontyousayso · 19/08/2021 14:52

Asking this on behalf of a friend, my friend is about to start his teacher training to become a secondary school teacher. He uses Grindr and is wondering whether it would best to delete it due to becoming a teacher as he doesn't know if there are polices that discourages use of using apps like Grindr in case of coming across underage kids which I'm sure there are on Grindr like any other dating app. Is my friend overthinking things or is he right in being concerned?

OP posts:
BettyCarver · 19/08/2021 16:18

'Don't swipe yes on schoolboys?'

Whoever posted this seems to have got off the train some time in the 1970s Hmm

Tal45 · 19/08/2021 16:20

One of my sons primary school teachers met her husband on an OLD site, everyone uses them now. I don't think grindr should be viewed differently because it's a gay site, just be sensible would be my advice.

RickJames · 19/08/2021 16:20

I teach and whilst im not dating, I always use a false name on SM. @Tommika advice was good.

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 19/08/2021 16:24

@BettyCarver

'Don't swipe yes on schoolboys?'

Whoever posted this seems to have got off the train some time in the 1970s Hmm

It was referring to the OP's comment about kids using apps underage Potentially he could be seen by his pupils

I would say use discretion, don't post full face pics or undressed pics on the profile, save those for texting. Otherwise it's fine.

TSSDNCOP · 19/08/2021 16:35

Yes, yes teachers have private lives too. The thing is kids love a cruel and unusual way to torture teachers; a Grindr profile is catnip. He'll be swiped into next week Grinand don't be surprised if he suddenly has a whole new profile.

Discretion in all things.

Snoozer11 · 19/08/2021 16:48

I know a teacher who used to do webcam shows. There are still pictures and videos online. Full sex and total nudity, nothing left to the imagination.

I don't think the school knows about it.

toocold54 · 19/08/2021 17:04

I know lots of teachers who are open about being on OLD.
I was in tinder and I matched with someone who was one of my students with a fake account Blush luckily nothing too embarrassing happened but I would be very careful.
Definitely don’t give too much info too soon or send photos before meeting them - advice I’d give anyone actually.

mindutopia · 19/08/2021 17:30

It's a dating site like any other. I can't see how it would be more 'wrong' than sites that are aimed at straight people. What people choose to do with people they meet is no one's business as long as it's legal and consenting.

x2boys · 19/08/2021 18:12

I know nothing about dating g websites, but surely if his security settings, are very strict, there shouldnt be a problem?
His personal life is just that.

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 19/08/2021 18:29

@x2boys

I know nothing about dating g websites, but surely if his security settings, are very strict, there shouldnt be a problem? His personal life is just that.
Well no that's not really how these sites work He could easily be spotted by parents or 6th formers using the site underage!
GrumpyTerrier · 19/08/2021 19:00

It might make sense to say 'teachers can have private lives' etc but if kids find him on there, rumours will fly and he may be suspended while it is investigated.

The other thing to consider is the impact on his credibility with the kids if discovered on Grindr-- however alot of that is in the handling of it. And what some parents might say.

He should check with his school and be guided by that (in writing)so that if any trouble starts, he is protected.

Gwenhwyfar · 19/08/2021 19:02

@NoSquirrels

If I was him I would not be using Grindr or Tinder or any dating app. It’s a minefield and will cause him more hassle than it’s worth. And he needs to know his school’s policies!
No dating apps at all??? Most couples meet online now so is he to stay single forever?
Driftingblue · 19/08/2021 19:10

Don’t put anything online under your own identity that you aren’t prepared to go viral. So if he keeps it to a relatively simple dating profile, I wouldn’t worry about it. Just don’t share overly personal details and choose pictures carefully.

IceLace100 · 19/08/2021 19:10

I'd use Grindr or whatever dating apps he wanted.

But I'd be careful about the content of the profile.

Some profiles on Grindr are very ... Frank about sexually explicit things. I'd stay away from that!!!

Also any topless pics or whatever, I'd stay away. Sending any nudes (even headless) and dirty chat is a defo no-no.

So in short, as long as he would be happy for a print out of his profile and convos to be public, he will be ok. And as long as he remains vigilant that he doesn't know who he is talking to online.

Hankunamatata · 19/08/2021 19:14

As long as he remembers whatever he puts up online can be potentially printed by parent or student so keep it pc

LittleGwyneth · 19/08/2021 19:15

Of course he can, though it would be prudent not to put any very specific detail in his bio, and as a PP suggested, to not use his full name.

user1473878824 · 19/08/2021 19:21

@thanksforyourcommentrandomman that’s clearly not what PP was saying.

Tommika · 23/08/2021 13:47

@x2boys

I know nothing about dating g websites, but surely if his security settings, are very strict, there shouldnt be a problem? His personal life is just that.
Security settings are pretty non existent on dating apps/websites other than your actual account details & login The purpose being to be found and matched, as opposed to social media where you can set to be wide open or have restricted visibility

But it is key to be sure of what content you put up.

Is your face in your photos? Not showing your face will cut down on your matches, but it will also reduce problems with being spotted
Compromises are to not have your face in the primary photo and only visible in secondary photos, or to keep face photos private until you’ve been messaging (which could still backfire)

The most important thing for someone who could have ‘public impact’ is what is on the profile.
For some people seeing it there will always be stigma - eg local gossip of the teacher on the hookup app

But there’s nothing wrong with that between consenting adults, and a ‘hookup app’ is equally a dating app
Users could be dating for a long term relationship or for a quickie, and the profiles will usually reflect that

For the teacher it’s just a matter of being sensible, minimising the chances of ‘exposure’ but assuming that his profile will be found therefore it should contain nothing to be ashamed of

AttaGirrrrl · 23/08/2021 13:53

There’s nothing wrong with him being on Grindr. He just needs to ensure there’s nothing lewd on it and to be prepared in case pupils find him. If any pupils asked me about my OLD profiles I’d simply say “Yes. That me. I’m in my 40s and single. Why were you on it?”

cnn27 · 23/08/2021 14:27

He's definitely fine to use it, I'm a teacher myself and I know lots of my colleagues use it.

I'd probably recommend a) not posting any nsfw pictures (even shirtless) though just in case they do get leaked and b) being very very certain of who he speaking to (e.g. see a face picture before getting too personal).

VestaTilley · 23/08/2021 14:32

He’s right to be concerned. Delete the app.

SionnachRua · 23/08/2021 16:08

b) being very very certain of who he speaking to (e.g. see a face picture before getting too personal).

And run anything you get back through TinEye or other image verification sites. Or once you have a face pic, then ask for pictures with specific criteria - take a photo holding up a fork or whatever. Sounds a bit extreme and might put some people off but there are millions of face pics out there to be used by catfish.

JoeMaplin · 23/08/2021 20:11

At my kids school, someone found one of the teachers on tinder. Id say the vast majority of kids at the very large secondary saw his photos being shared on Snapchat and quite a few parents too. He had some unfortunate underwear shots. Of course he is entitled to go in dating sites. Teenagers are, however, like sharks scenting blood about this sort of thing.

ThanksItHasPockets · 23/08/2021 20:20

It might make sense to say 'teachers can have private lives' etc but if kids find him on there, rumours will fly and he may be suspended while it is investigated.

I feel it’s pretty important to clarify for the record that schools do not investigate or suspend their staff for being gay or for having an online dating profile.

PP make good points about being particularly vigilant for catfish attempts and ensuring that profile pictures are SFW.

Drgnbllx · 24/08/2021 15:35

Of course he's entitled to a personal life.

Swipe left for the next trending thread