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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Am I overreacting

40 replies

DaisyEdinMarley1 · 19/08/2021 14:22

New to this but I’m kind of at the end of my tether. I’ve been with my partner for around 4 years, I have kids from previous relationship and things have been up and down. The problem is he seems to dictate what I should and shouldn’t be upset about, with litterally anything I bring up to him that bothers me, with him or anything else in general I feel he minimises things and regularly calls me pathetic and gets quite heated. Recently I caught him online commenting on some models page, 2 of them and the comments were “sit on my face” and comments about how beautiful they were and he loves their bodies etc. Now I don’t bother about him looking at other women etc, I’m not that jealous but I think this was a step too far and quite disrespectful, especially when he doesn’t necessarily even say those things to me! I brought it up to him and immediately was laughed at, told I was a psycho etc and I was pathetic and embarrassing and pretty much was warned to never bring up such “petty issues”. I explained to him it felt disrespectful and that it made me feel like shit but it fell on death ears. This isn’t the first time we’ve had this issue and as I said before I feel like he gets to decide between right and wrong..I really want to stand my ground this time and the principle and quite frankly the sleaziness of it

OP posts:
Load3 · 19/08/2021 14:24

Run for the hills.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 19/08/2021 14:26

YANBU.

Commenting on a stranger's photos "sit on my face?" That's gross quite frankly. Disrespectful to you and the model.

Aprilx · 19/08/2021 14:27

Why are you even bothering to explain to him that it hurts your feelings and is disrespectful? You are wasting your energy, he is vile and disrespectful to all women.

Stath · 19/08/2021 14:32

Why on earth are you with such a dirty pervert sleazebag?

EKGEMS · 19/08/2021 14:34

Get the hell out you deserve far better than that gigantic waste of space-he is minimizing your feelings and gaslighting and disrespecting you massively

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 19/08/2021 14:35

You are not over-reacting at ALL, @DaisyEdinMarley1. He is gaslighting you - trying to make you feel that your perfectly valid responses and feelings are wrong, and he is training you to accept whatever shit he dishes out to you.

These are major red flags, in my opinion, and if I were you, I would NOT be staying with this person.

You deserve so much better.

DaisyEdinMarley1 · 19/08/2021 14:35

I’m asking myself that as we speak, I can’t see a way out of this because where does it end, am I going to catch him doing this in private to someone he can cheat with and he’s going to tell me I’m a psycho? This is the first time I’ve seen anything that makes me change my whole perspective of him Sad

OP posts:
Chikapu · 19/08/2021 14:36

How have you managed four years with this arsehole? Can you not see the utter disrespect he has for you and women in general?

DifficultBloodyWoman · 19/08/2021 14:39

He must be amazing in bed for you to put up with this! Minimum three orgasms guaranteed! No? Then you can do better. Ditch the gaslighting wanker and set your standards higher.

It’s funny but true - if you lift your standards, you will find more people that meet them.

RedHelenB · 19/08/2021 14:41

Im surprised this attitude to you and women is the first time it's come up in 4 years 2 choices, stay and accept that us who he is or have some self respect and ltb.

DaisyEdinMarley1 · 19/08/2021 14:41

You’re right. It’s always been little things but he’s so good at brushing it or turning it onto me as I said this has been the first time I’ve witnessed his mask proper slip. I’ve not spoken about it to others so it’s good to kind of have some validation that I’m not mad but I can’t continue it or allow this to slide I’m quite laid back in nature but this has been a massive shock and I’m disgusted

OP posts:
Chikapu · 19/08/2021 14:45

You're definitely not mad, get out now.

Mabelface · 19/08/2021 14:45

You're underreacting if anything. He's a sleazy bastard who thinks women are there to service his needs.

piratehugs · 19/08/2021 14:46

Yuck! That's revolting behaviour. You're right, you can't let this slide, it'll always colour your view of him.

DancesWithTortoises · 19/08/2021 14:47

He's embarrassed to be caught out as a pervert.

Leave the sleazy prick.

ThinWomansBrain · 19/08/2021 14:49

you've put up with this for FOUR years - why?

motherofcatsandbears · 19/08/2021 14:55

Why are you still with him? He sounds like king of the nobs

Anonymous48 · 19/08/2021 15:00

@DifficultBloodyWoman

He must be amazing in bed for you to put up with this! Minimum three orgasms guaranteed! No? Then you can do better. Ditch the gaslighting wanker and set your standards higher.

It’s funny but true - if you lift your standards, you will find more people that meet them.

I never have fewer than three orgasms with my husband, but there's no way I would put up with anything like this. Totally disgusting!
PineapplePanda · 19/08/2021 15:01

The language he is using sounds very abusive...

AffableApple · 19/08/2021 15:01

If this stuff is new, he wants you to break up with him. Sounds like he's always been a knobber though, so just get rid. Save yourself the hassle and just do it.

DrManhattan · 19/08/2021 15:01

Leave him. He's taking the piss and you deserve much better

Notimeforaname · 19/08/2021 15:06

Yeah get away from him he doesn't value you at all. He is controlling and gaslighting.

Also...death ears made me smile Grin

DaisyEdinMarley1 · 19/08/2021 15:16

Thanks for all your replies, I’m off on holiday this weekend to Haven. I’ve told him to stay put, taking my mum instead and I expect him to be gone when I get back

OP posts:
justthecat · 19/08/2021 15:21

If you live together don’t leave him in the house while you’re away. Kick him out first and change the locks

DaisyEdinMarley1 · 19/08/2021 15:21

@Notimeforaname

Yeah get away from him he doesn't value you at all. He is controlling and gaslighting.

Also...death ears made me smile Grin

lol 😂 daft spell check 🤦🏼‍♀️
OP posts: