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AIBU?

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Original poster

Does anybody else not want to get older

42 replies

Fizzysweets1 · 19/08/2021 13:41

As in elderly, 80+. I think working with vulnerable people may have heightened this, I really enjoy caring for them but it makes me sad too.

Some of them have to take a cocktail of medication up to 4 times a day, they’re housebound, or bed bound, have carers coming into their house several times a day. Significant chance of developing Alzheimer’s after that age, many suffering from a range of health problems.
Majority of the ladies I care for are widowed now, some widowers too.

Obviously this won’t happen to everybody, but just makes me feel sad that this is what I have to look forward to. Assuming I’d be lucky enough to live to around 90, I’ve already lived a third of my life and it does feel depressing.

Hope this doesn’t offend anyone, this could happen at a younger age too of course but it makes me realise how much independence I have now.

OP posts:
Original poster
Fizzysweets1 · 19/08/2021 13:44

Used to work in a care home with residents mainly suffering from Alzheimer’s and dementia. They were almost treated as not human by some carers and even the manager, seen as zoo animals and heavily infantilised.

OP posts:
Booboosweet · 19/08/2021 13:45

I think everyone dreads getting old. I know I do! Not much choice though.

AlexSox · 19/08/2021 13:45

But what's the alternative? It's probably easier to say when you are young(er) and healthy than when you reach that age. Death is scary!

Purplewithred · 19/08/2021 13:46

Agree - I plan to be indestructible until my 85th birthday then to just not wake up the next morning. Still working on how to achieve it though.

inmyslippers · 19/08/2021 13:49

I am pro euthanasia. We don't let animals
Suffer but our elderly rot away in care homes. I previously worked on a dementia
Ward. To me keeping them going to deteriorate was really cruel all round

Anordinarymum · 19/08/2021 13:51

@Fizzysweets1

Used to work in a care home with residents mainly suffering from Alzheimer’s and dementia. They were almost treated as not human by some carers and even the manager, seen as zoo animals and heavily infantilised.
I worked in care homes when my children were babies. I did nights and some evenings, and when they were really short staffed I did the odd day shift too.

When you see older ladies a lot like this assisting them bathing etc.., it brings you up a bit sharpish thinking of your own mortality.

You are only as old as you want to be.

I am 66 and young in my outlook. I am not so much bothered about how I am aging, but I still take care with my appearance and like to wear nice things. I do not follow fashion but I know what looks OK.

I think the worst thing you can do is be negative in your outlook. It makes you frown and look older !

chillidoritto · 19/08/2021 13:52

My parents are in their 80s and are lucky enough to still be active (despite having to take a cocktail of meds). I know not everyone is so lucky but not everyone is doomed!

Lillyhatesjaz · 19/08/2021 13:53

As a carer you are by definition seeing the people who are not healthy in old age some of my relatives have been happy and active in their 80s. My mum had alzheimers and I am planning not to keep living if I get that.

nordica · 19/08/2021 13:53

I agree. I think about it sometimes. I don't have kids (by choice) and I think that heightens my sense of feeling like there's really very little point of me living 10 years in a care home, not being able to do any of the things I enjoy.

It's impossible to know what the future holds, though. My grandmother had Alzheimers and lived in a care home for years. I'd rather book a one-way ticket to Dignitas if my health and quality of life was deteriorating.

DoingItMyself · 19/08/2021 13:54

I am 63 and have had enough. I have a plan.

Rossetti47 · 19/08/2021 13:55

I think there is too much intervention for some people. Hypertensive meds et al just keeping them going, and for what?

Carrysymons · 19/08/2021 13:56

I agree and hope that before I am drooling and so confused I can't recognise my own family it will be legal for me to choose to be euthanised or for someone to make that decision for me. A GP friend said to me that most people live about 6 months longer than they should and that was true for my own parents and in laws.
Watching the inevitable decline at the end of life is awful for everyone.
A quick heart attack is a shock for the bereaved but better for the person who died.

Cam001 · 19/08/2021 13:56

YANBU, my mother in law has advanced Parkinsons and spends most of her time crying and saying she's had enough - she wants to die. It's pitiful to see. My mother has a catalogue of health issues and is housebound with very little mobility, she says she would have been happy to die at 80, that she's had enough and what's the point? Both are 88. Hopefully when and if I reach old age and my health begins to fail we will have voluntary euthanasia in this country, otherwise I'll be on a plane to Dignitas.

Moonface123 · 19/08/2021 13:58

Oh what a depressing post.
I personally feel growing older is a privilege denied to many.

EmeraldShamrock · 19/08/2021 14:03

Yanbu. The dying with dignity campaign is worth signing.
I am sure euthanasia will be legal in Ireland in the next 20 years.

bunnybuggs · 19/08/2021 14:03

as a 75 year old - I would reiterate there is no getting away from it. We will all get old.
What I do resent and find incredibly hurtful is the attitude of those younger than me who dismiss the old, the pensioners as one amorphous group who sponge off those who are younger, who should just shuffle off and die.
This was evident in Brexit and the pandemic (youngsters on here and elsewhere still subscribe to the view - they gave up SO much to save the old and in fact, lockdown happened to save the NHS)
Believe me, each year is even more precious to us (it has been shattering to lose so much freedom when no-one knows how many years we have left) and then to be castigated and insulted just adds to the sadness
I do believe - more should be done through living wills to prevent the 'keeping alive of someone when their entire existance is pain and humiliation and being 'cared for' by those who are just doing a job.
We let our animals go when their quality of life is so poor.
I don't worry about being old but while I am sentient and intelligent (and useful) I would like a little 'respect' from those younger.
Am I afraid of dying? - I suppose so but with age and weariness comes acceptance. I will be sorry to leave my family and I hope I live on in their hearts.

EmeraldShamrock · 19/08/2021 14:04

@DoingItMyself I'm sorry you've had enough, you're very young. Flowers

EmeraldShamrock · 19/08/2021 14:07

I personally feel growing older is a privilege denied to many. Me too as long as it is quality not quantity. If my mind was gone and my bod unable to move I'd want to die too.

Vallmo47 · 19/08/2021 14:07

@bunnybuggs 💗💗💗

DoingItMyself · 19/08/2021 14:07

Thank you @EmeraldShamrock. It seems like a long time from here. It's good to have a plan. No rush, though. Tomorrow might be better.

Anordinarymum · 19/08/2021 14:18

@Moonface123

Oh what a depressing post. I personally feel growing older is a privilege denied to many.
It shouldn't be though. Surely it is a right !

It's growing old with a health condition that is not properly looked after by the system which leads to other health conditions that makes old age a chore instead of a blessing for many.

Older people should be cherished as it is because of them that society is what it is now.

Look what they did to pensions for one thing !

Anordinarymum · 19/08/2021 14:19

@DoingItMyself

I am 63 and have had enough. I have a plan.
I'm sorry to read this also. I am assuming you are unwell?

Take care x x

Monkeybusinesss · 19/08/2021 14:23

It’s all well and good saying we should allow assisted dying. But most people don’t want to take that option.
The will to survive is extremely strong.
So you may not want to get old, but once you’re there I’m sure you’ll have a different attitude

kwiksavenofrillsusername · 19/08/2021 14:28

@DoingItMyself

I am 63 and have had enough. I have a plan.
I really hope you can get some help and support. Please don’t do anything rash. X

I know what you mean OP. It scares me because the women in my family tend to live until nearly 100. Both my grandmas were quite mentally sharp and active and then just completely declined around 85. Now it’s all carers and dementia and my poor parents having to deal with the stress of coordinating their lives. At that point I’d want to just go peacefully in my sleep.

drivinmecrazy · 19/08/2021 14:29

I'd sadly agree with this sentiment in some cases.
My DM is 77 and has a crippling back condition that's resulted in multiple operations, she's recently decided no more surgery. She almost died after the last and her recovery time is getting longer.
She used to be amazingly vibrant and had lived a wonderfully thrilling life until quite recently.
I hadn't seen her for 9 months as she loves abroad and was floored when I saw her this summer.
It breaks all of our hearts.
Recently euthanasia has been legalised in Spain and we're now having serious conversations about how far down the line she wants to go.
It's heartbreaking but she faces the possibility of becoming paralysed any day.

My MIL on the other hand has lead a very safe life, never had huge adventures but she's happy. Health wise I could see her trundling along for years, and hope she does.
My Ddad died about 11 years ago of cancer and I remember the day that he said no more. We respected his wishes and he died in the manner he had lived.
It's just so personal isn't it

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