To feel cheated

[Planetsandstars]

Pregnancy spent in lockdown, no partners at scans, no newborn photo shoot, not even a proper send off at work.

Newborn in lockdown.

Then as soon as we can do things again the weather is beyond shit, I wanted a summer …

and if the restrictions are eased, why aren’t they? Why are some places still blaming covid for crap service?

I don’t know to be honest Soup, it sort of is the same.

I think most people (in RL anyway, not so sure about MN sometimes!) are fairly able to distinguish between a gripe and a real problem, so someone grumbling about a delayed train doesn’t elicit ‘think yourself lucky you are not in Afghanistan’, people just agree ‘yeah, it’s a pain in the arse isn’t it?’

Of course, in comparison to covid losses and other losses because of covid grumbling about months of restrictions followed by shit weather is not a fair comparison but it was never designed to be. At no point did I say ‘AIBU to think that out of everyone, I somehow have it worse’! I just wanted a summer - and for the DVLA to pick the bloody phone up!

@vodkaredbullgirl because as you’ve been here years, you know as well as I do that comments like yours insinuate someone is not genuine, and I was refuting that.

We did have a summer.. 2 months ago but it was a blazing hot heat wave.

Yes, it didn’t really last long though, did it?

A week of blazing heat with months of slate grey skies and lashing rain on either side is not a summer!

I feel cheated too.

I was diagnosed with cancer just before first lockdown. My operation and treatments were delayed to the point that, although I'm now thankfully cancer free, but I have a permanent physical disability and I can't do things such as tie my shoelaces, or play with my dc properly, sleep properly, or work ever again.

Having a lovely new healthy baby and a bit if rain isn't really the awful thing you think it is, pregnancy and parenthood never pans out the way any of us think it will anyway.

I feel that life has just kicked everyone up the arse. 1st baby just before lockdown- spend ages saying ah next year we can do this..... it's next year now and it hasn't happened.
The weather can sod off. I got my garden looking good and we've had 2 weeks of sun..... gah

It’s an understandable complaint. Pre and post natal healthcare as a result has been shocking to say the least. All the Health Visitors have gone to ground here, then when they do ring you months late for an appointment, they have such a fucking attitude on them. It’s almost as if they’re blaming you for the appointment being so behind when you don’t immediately say yes to the last minute appointment they’ve thrown you which is in an hour’s time.

It’s been shit.

And I agree about the lack of good quality services. Some industries didn’t have a choice and have carried on as normal as they made changes last year. They adapted, staff adapted, and we don’t complain. Just get on with it. Others have trailed behind with an overwhelmingly whiny workforce and now we see the fall out of it with the countless threads on here, usually prefaced with “my really mean employer wants us back to work now 😭”.

I am sorry you feel let down by things. The pandemic has affected most people. Don't be angry but could you have baby blues ?
There are a number of freelance photographers who do baby photography and you could get one now . Yes it may not have been when you chose but no one bar celebs seem to get them.
Try and arrange something positive for yourself.
Sorry for all others who are going through so much due to pandemic.
My own problems seem trivial after reading what others have went/are going through.
I was unable to be with my dying mum (whilst the others were allowed) dh was v poorly with covid in hospital while the rest of us struggled with it at home. Living on a farm the animals had to be tended twice daily regardless how we felt. No sick pay when you are self employed either. I could go on but if I did it would out me. Long covid has decided that it doesn't want to leave several members of the family. The lack of being able to see a gp is having a dreadul effect on a very close family member which is a great worry .
But we could be worse, we just dream of holidays and the good times and wonder.

We have all been cheated out of something OP.

As someone who is TTC, a baby in or out of lockdown is something to be very greatful for. you may not have had baby groups, visitors, photos,- but you have a child, think of the positives.

I'm glad you got through pregnancy and birth safely and now have a lovely baby. I felt so scared and sorry for pregnant women last year. I was a worrier throughout both my pregnancies (years ago) and I know I'd have been a nervous wreck.

Maybe how you feel now is like a come-down from all those nerves?

Anyway, congratulations on your baby.

Bloody hell it's a good turnout for the misery Olympics today

Hope you all feel better for kicking a mother when she's down.

Ah @DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult how awful for you.

However I do feel your post is a little unfair, given at no point I said it was awful. It’s just different to how I expected. And certainly there were challenges. Of course, nothing like the ones you experienced but then they wouldn’t be, would they? Cancer is always going to be awful no matter what, having a baby should be joyous.

I do think I’ve obviously not got across a whinge about the weather very well here, which I take responsibility for! But I did wake up to cold and grey skies in august and though - hummppphhhhh, months of restrictions and lockdown and now THIS! As I say, it has brightened up!

But yes, do let’s avoid turning the thread into misery olympics. It doesn’t do anyone any good and I don’t know that pages and pages of death, doom and despair actually make anyone think ‘marvellous, I am so very lucky!’

You have every right to feel cheated. That's not the way anyone would choose to spend their pregnancy and early months of their baby's life/ But you are not alone.Covid has impacted everyone.

My dad died last month. He spent many months of his final year in total isolation, not even allowed to see my mum, utterly confused and not believing that it was Covid that kept us all away. He thought he'd been abandoned by family.

My son started uni with such high hopes but conditions were so isolating and terrible he ended up depressed, skeletally thin with an eating disorder and chronic insomnia. It took all year to gently heal him. Then when he got a scholarship to a US uni the uni failed to send his visa papers in time due to some nebulous Covid-related excuse, so he had to cancel the year abroad.

I feel bitter on his behalf and so sad for my dad (though he did see family in the end). But there's no point in feeling bitter or aggrieved or like it's personal. It has happened to everyone. We need to just look forward and make the best of things as they are and make plans for when life is properly up and running again.

Yes, it’s terrible for you, your loss is a profound one. I do of course have a great deal of sympathy with young people: they have missed out on a great deal.

My sympathies are with all of you but I’m not sure there is anything to be gained by pages and pages of my agreeing that not having the opportunity to experience the pregnancy, birth and newborn stage I wanted (or summer!) is incomparable to death, loss and financial woes. Without wanting to sound harsh, that is pretty evident, isn’t it?

The sun is shining, summer has briefly appeared, so carpe diem - or whatever the saying is!

If you write a 'Poor me - covid affected!' post on Mumsnet you are going to get a pile on of people with 'Poor me - covid affected too!' stories. Obvious really.

Yes, but they aren’t Poor Me, are they, they are Poor Me and How Dare You Complain Because Poor Me

I think people are being harsh, sure others have had it (much) worse, but that will always be the case. It’s perfectly reasonable to be sad about the difference between your expectations and reality.

I also had a baby mid-pandemic (born in September so I was three months pregnant when we first went into lockdown) and found it really hard.

Of course it would have been worse to lose someone to the pandemic but going to scans on my own to be told the baby wasn’t developing properly, having the baby’s heart stop while labouring alone, very limited visits in a hellish postnatal ward, no midwife or health visitor visits at home and limited family/friend support when dealing with PND was not the start to parenthood I was hoping for! Sure, newborn photo shoots weren’t top of my list of things I felt sad about but it’s a nice thing to do that you only get one chance at that people have been prevented from doing - just because it’s not the saddest thing in the world doesn’t mean it’s not sad.

@Anonymouslyposting you are talking about real stress, not a photoshoot though and I feel for you in laboring alone and PND.

I hope everything is ok now for you and you have had help with PND

Yabvu op. how hard life must be for you being blessed with a baby, partner and job. You poor thing. This must have been hell for you

Lots of people have scans alone!! Especially if they have other children that need looking after by the partner! I’ve had plenty of scans alone before covid! They’re just a medical screening at the end of the day. It’s not like in a movie where you hold hands and cry! And a newborn photo shoot sounds annoying.

older mum here, 2 chidren late teen and early twenties. Pregnancy was meh! didnt really enjoy it, felt sick all the time but not sick enough to warrent not working/time off sick. scans alone as DH had to work. Hard labour ending in forceps and retained placentas, loss of pints of blood (and follow on anemia), stitches so not able to get around a lot. lack of sleep, husband that snored and wasnt much help (now ex) etc. All of which thousands and thousands of mums experience, with or without covid.
If i remember correctly weather was either too cold, too hot or too wet - typical British weather and all seasons a worry with a newborn.
Many more and better memories will be made when they are little people and not helpless babies, thats when the good times (and often the bad times) kick off in my opinion.
Make the most of the times ahead and dont think back to what couldn have been. The Weather... no-one can change that, just make the best of each day as it comes. Kids love the sunshine but my worry was overheating, burning, dehydrating etc, rain - love puddle splashing, snow - snowmen, Autumn - piles of leaves to kick. We are lucky to live in a country with such diverse seasons, it wouldnt have the green fields and trees with no rain. Live for the moment. I miss the good days and even the bad days now they are independent (although I'm still a mum-taxi a lot).
Have fun with your new baby, wish you well and enjoy each stage as it comes xx