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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be pissed off with this comment

44 replies

catsaremyspiritanimals · 18/08/2021 18:35

I was speaking to a male friend earlier today (general chit chat) about the weather and end of summer. I said I barely wore my summer wardrobe this year and he said 'I noticed when you wore your summer dress the other day you had hairy arm pits.'

I shave my arm pits, so I said 'I don't think so' and he said 'you had stubble'.

I said i am sorry I don't go to a beauty salon before every outing, and obviously I need to take more time inspecting every inch of myself to make sure I meet his high standards.

AIBU to be a bit pissed off? Even if I didn't shave and went au natural I don't appreciate a man (or anyone) commenting on this Angry

OP posts:
Eileen101 · 18/08/2021 18:36

YANBU. How rude.

54321nought · 18/08/2021 18:40

tell him you've noticed that he has - and ask why its something commented on for a woman but not a man

Hadenoughofthisbullshit · 18/08/2021 18:42

Eww what a creep

mbosnz · 18/08/2021 18:43

I'd be asking him why he was so focussed on my armpits?

Areyouseriousrightnow · 18/08/2021 18:43

YANBU. The idea that anyone feels they have the right to comment on someone else’s armpits.
And the wider point around the normalisation of a hairless body on women. I deliberately shave a lot less frequently these days because I’m absolutely sick of this.

bagelsandoranges · 18/08/2021 18:45

Ugh. He's clearly been taught that women with hair are somehow shameful and unappealing to men. What a turd. Misogynistic.

SpindleWhorl · 18/08/2021 18:48

I gradually dropped two male friends for comments on 1) armpit 'stubble', and 2) the size of the packet of rice I was buying and how 'big' it would make me. The tone of their comments, as well as the content, was really very illuminating. The fact I remember them is quite telling!

WitchBaby · 18/08/2021 18:49

Eww, horrible man.

N4ish · 18/08/2021 18:49

Very rude individual! Not someone I would consider a friend, probably has dodgy attitudes towards women as well.

KineticSand · 18/08/2021 18:50

I have often hairy armpits on purpose these days. I'm enjoying accepting my body in its natural state and feel really liberated. If anyone commented I would say "this is what an adult female's armpits are like. What's up?". But no one has commented so far.

The main point is though, that person had no right to comment on your appearance and can fuck right off.

WallaceinAnderland · 18/08/2021 18:51

'Yeah I noticed you did too'

Brollypackedforscottishholiday · 18/08/2021 18:51

Ex friend?
For just a friend he kept quite a close eye on you op..
Creep.

ReeseWitherfork · 18/08/2021 18:52

Really creepy that he noticed, let alone rude to comment.

Curiosity101 · 18/08/2021 18:53

Wow. YANBU at all. What a creep and as someone else pointed out it's a very misogynistic comment. I bet money he'd not comment on a man's hairy armpits, although who knows... Maybe he'd comment on a man who'd clearly shaved and therefore had 'stubble' because that would also be noteworthy 🙄

LifesNotEnidBlyton · 18/08/2021 18:56

Tell him you saw more than stubble coming out his nose and ears. But you didn't say because you're not sexually interested in him so his gross body hair won't be a problem for you.

WTF475878237NC · 18/08/2021 18:56

Wow this goes beyond rude doesn't it. We've come so far in the West but comments like this make me feel that women really are always going to be subjugated by men.

MasterBeth · 18/08/2021 19:00

It’s not creepy that he noticed. I would notice. You would notice. It’s relatively uncommon for women in the UK to show their underarm hair.

What’s unreasonable is that he mentioned it. It is NONE OF HIS FUCKING BUSINESS.

VladmirsPoutine · 18/08/2021 19:01

If you felt out of line then it was. I suppose you and him don't have the type of friendship where that sort of carry on is acceptable.

CabbagesGreen · 18/08/2021 19:06

Should have asked him why it was worthy of comment.

IamFrozen · 18/08/2021 19:09

Somebody’s parents never taught him it’s rude to make personal remarks Angry

I’d be pissed off too. Be sure to point out any of his imperfections loudly the next time you have a chance. If he seems annoyed say “oh sorry, since you drew my attention to my armpit stubble I thought you would like me to help you out the same”

MsFrog · 18/08/2021 19:10

Rude and misogynistic

dworky · 18/08/2021 19:11

The mistake you made was justifying yourself.
The correct response was: "When I want your opinion on what I choose to do with my body, I'll be sure to let you know. Don't hold your breath".

Dee1975 · 18/08/2021 19:14

Maybe he was just winding you up? (And it’s worked!). He probably didn’t notice your arm pits at all!!

SunshineCake · 18/08/2021 19:27

@Dee1975

Maybe he was just winding you up? (And it’s worked!). He probably didn’t notice your arm pits at all!!
Hmm. Did you not read the reply?
happinessischocolate · 18/08/2021 19:28

I think he was winding you up too. That's the sort of "banter" some of my male friends think is funny. You made the mistake of trying to justify yourself to him, my response would be "Yep and I have hairy legs too, so fucking what" 😁