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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be pissed off with this comment

44 replies

catsaremyspiritanimals · 18/08/2021 18:35

I was speaking to a male friend earlier today (general chit chat) about the weather and end of summer. I said I barely wore my summer wardrobe this year and he said 'I noticed when you wore your summer dress the other day you had hairy arm pits.'

I shave my arm pits, so I said 'I don't think so' and he said 'you had stubble'.

I said i am sorry I don't go to a beauty salon before every outing, and obviously I need to take more time inspecting every inch of myself to make sure I meet his high standards.

AIBU to be a bit pissed off? Even if I didn't shave and went au natural I don't appreciate a man (or anyone) commenting on this

OP posts:

SkinnyMirror · 18/08/2021 19:31

He's not my SILs boyfriend is he?
The other week I was telling my SIL about the amazing new face cream I'd tried and her new boyfriend pointed to my eyes and said ' it's not worked there though has it?'

Men like this are rude and misogynistic and really aren't worth our time. You don't need a friend like that OP.

LoveFall · 18/08/2021 19:39

That is really unacceptable and far too personal a comment. I would worry that friend is a controlling creep.

1forAll74 · 18/08/2021 19:40

Oh dear, just another classless, and low brow idiot and devoid of any manners.

StCharlotte · 18/08/2021 19:43

Don't tell us - tell HIM!

girlmom21 · 18/08/2021 19:47

Yeah he's a prick.

OhGiveUp · 18/08/2021 19:53

I've never shaved any of my body hair.
A few weeks ago, a female colleague said, bloody hell, look at your pits 😲
My response was to lift my arm up, stroke the hair and ask what was wrong with it.
It's disgusting, she said
Still stroking away I told her if she thought that was disgusting, she ought to see my foof!

Curiosity101 · 18/08/2021 20:10

@OhGiveUp Still stroking away I told her if she thought that was disgusting, she ought to see my foof!

🤣🤣🤣 Love it. I get people having opinions on it, much like people will have opinions on whether they prefer short hair, long hair, blonde hair, brown hair etc. But... Disgusting...

Your response was perfect 😄

Dontwatchfootball · 18/08/2021 20:11

If you like him and would like to stay friends you could tell him this is unacceptable and you expect better from your friends. If it is marginal, tell him that was rude.

Anonanon1234 · 18/08/2021 20:24

Grow it, then plait it with beads for next time you see him. Cock.

spooney21 · 18/08/2021 20:50

Hope you told him to f%*k off!

househousehousefox · 18/08/2021 20:56

I always remember one girl i was friends with in college. She ALWAYS had stubble or longer on her arm pits and she was beautiful and smart and she gave me the confidence to stop being so worried about it. We never spoke about it but she would wear vests and not care.
I wonder if your male friend shaves his arm pits? Perhaps he should shave his tongue to get some of the shit off it.

Crinkle77 · 18/08/2021 23:24

@happinessischocolate

I think he was winding you up too. That's the sort of "banter" some of my male friends think is funny. You made the mistake of trying to justify yourself to him, my response would be "Yep and I have hairy legs too, so fucking what" 😁

I agree. Jeez why is it that no one seems to be able to take a joke anymore and everyone is looking to be offended all the time. Of course context is everything and it depends if it was said in a teasing manner but if he was deadly serious or acted disgusted then yes that could be seen as offensive.

HellonHeels · 18/08/2021 23:46

How can what he said be construed as a joke? What's funny about it?

Sweetchocolatecandy · 18/08/2021 23:49

That’s a very personal thing to say to a woman and that would have made me feel really self-conscious. He sounds horrible.

MNmonster · 18/08/2021 23:49

Why did you feel like you had to justify yourself? This is the real issue.

Surely just shrug and say 'yes and?'

NoSquirrels · 18/08/2021 23:52

I said I barely wore my summer wardrobe this year and he said 'I noticed when you wore your summer dress the other day you had hairy arm pits.'

I shave my arm pits, so I said 'I don't think so'

Well, there’s your first mistake.
The correct response was ‘And?’ with a withering look and a prolonged silence to allow him to hang justify himself.

He’s fucking rude. But you also don’t need to be ashamed of body hair - no need to say to him or to us that you shave. It’s irrelevant.

NoSquirrels · 18/08/2021 23:54

Jeez why is it that no one seems to be able to take a joke anymore and everyone is looking to be offended all the time. Of course context is everything and it depends if it was said in a teasing manner but if he was deadly serious or acted disgusted then yes that could be seen as offensive.

It’s rude to ‘joke’ about people’s appearance. If you can’t say anything nice say nothing at all.

Macncheeseballs · 18/08/2021 23:54

Yeah bants is sooo funny, fucking hell, start bantsing about a part of his lame ass body

SkinnyMirror · 19/08/2021 07:55

Commenting negatively on somebody's physical appearance is not funny - no matter what the context is. And when this is unsolicited then it's just downright rude and offensive.

As for it being 'banter' or 'bants'.... we'll, in my experience that's the word people ( mainly men) use when making a joke that's really an insult - it's not their fault you didn't find it funny it's your fault for not having a sense of humour. It's nothing but gaslighting and we should be calling it out every single time.

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