Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be furious that ex let DS have this piercing?

45 replies

schunig · 18/08/2021 17:11

DS is 15, I made a post the other day, saying DS wanted an eyebrow piercing and lied to both me and ex, saying the other said yes, but me and my ex were both saying no, so I thought it was great.

Anyway, today DS said he was going to my ex’s which was fine, I'm at work and DP messaged saying DS has the piercing and he told him ex let him have it. I messaged ex and he told me that he was fed up of DS asking and complaining about how unfair it was that we’d both said no.

I'm furious! He goes back to school in a couple of weeks, so no idea what’ll happen as it's not allowed. I'm also annoyed about how he just let DS without speaking to me about it as I thought we were in agreement! He says that DS is his son too and I'm ‘overreacting’, I haven't seen DS yet so no idea what It looks like.

AIBU?

OP posts:
StoneofDestiny · 18/08/2021 17:14

He will most likely be told to remove it at school - health and safety issue regarding sporting activities and doesn't conform to professional uniform code - I imagine.

AryaStarkWolf · 18/08/2021 17:15

He will have to take it out most likely. It's not the end of the world

aSofaNearYou · 18/08/2021 17:17

Surely if he's not allowed it at school he will have to take it out? That'll teach him.

icedcoffees · 18/08/2021 17:18

I can't get worked up about this.

School will just make him take it out.

Zhampagne · 18/08/2021 17:18

YANBU but the piercing issue at least will resolve itself. School will make him take it out and it won’t be sufficiently healed for a retainer so it will close up.

The issues around co-parenting with your ex might be a bit more complex.

SionnachRua · 18/08/2021 17:18

So he went ahead and let DS get the piercing because he was sick of the whining? Well, if ever there was a way to teach DS that whining gets him what he wants...

spooney21 · 18/08/2021 17:20

It's a piercing, not a tattoo so it doesn't have to be permanent. I wouldn't be bothered by it tbh as long as he knows it will not be permitted in school so he'll have to remove it.

Aquamarine1029 · 18/08/2021 17:20

It's just an eyebrow piercing. Getting this worked up about it is a huge waste of emotional energy. Chances are he'll have to take it out of school and then will get bored having to deal with it.

Someoneputthekettleon · 18/08/2021 17:20

I cant really get why you'd be furious about a 15 year old getting a piercing. Doesn't seem that big a deal to me, sorry. What is it that bothers you so much?

Ideally you would agree things together but not always going to. Different if you are talking about a ten year old but a15 yo must surely start to have some autonomy over something like this so I can see why a separated parent night make a unilateral decision to let child make this choice.

I imagine school won't allow it though, maybe he will have had piercing long enough to remove jewellery for school by then.

Mrsjayy · 18/08/2021 17:22

Are you just mad at his dad ? School more than likely get him to take it out you can show your disapproval at your son for nagging his dad but what else can you do sometimes parents agree to stuff for a quiet life !

Branleuse · 18/08/2021 17:25

ignore it. Dont make a fuss. He will be told to take it out at school, and then money will have been wasted, but not your problem.

Zhampagne · 18/08/2021 17:27

I do understand why you’re upset though. This time it was a fairly innocuous piercing which will likely heal with minimal scarring but your ex has undermined you and next time it may be something permanent and irreversible.

Original poster
schunig · 18/08/2021 17:29

I thought we were both in agreement that he couldn't, but now I look like the bad guy saying no, and DS was complaining about us saying no but I wasn't going to give in but ex just went and let him without telling me.

OP posts:
CuriousaboutSamphire · 18/08/2021 17:34

@Aquamarine1029

It's just an eyebrow piercing. Getting this worked up about it is a huge waste of emotional energy. Chances are he'll have to take it out of school and then will get bored having to deal with it.
Like others you may have missed the point.
Mintjulia · 18/08/2021 17:35

I'd be really cross too OP, but with luck, the school will make him take it out and it'll heal up. Your ds knew he wasn't allowed, I'd remove privileges.

My ds can do permanent stuff once he's 18, until then my house, my rules (which aren't exactly onerous) Smile

Lulola · 18/08/2021 17:36

It’s your sons body, I think at 15 he is old enough to have some say in how he expresses himself. You don’t have to agree with everything because you are different people with different opinions.

School will probably make him take it out anyway, which is a shame if he likes it.

XelaM · 18/08/2021 17:42

I can't believe how calm the responses on this thread are about an eye brow(!) piercing when a few days ago posters were going to report someone for assault for letting a step-daughter get her ears pierced Shock

CuriousaboutSamphire · 18/08/2021 17:46

That's because it was the dad's girlfriend and neither he nor the kid's mum knew about it.

Quite different from parental disagreement.

Aquamarine1029 · 18/08/2021 17:48

@XelaM

I can't believe how calm the responses on this thread are about an eye brow(!) piercing when a few days ago posters were going to report someone for assault for letting a step-daughter get her ears pierced Shock
The two situations are completely different. The op's son is 15 and his father allowed him to get it done. The little girl from the other thread was very young and it was her father's girlfriend, not even a step-mum, who took her, without parental permission, to get her ears pierced. Apple and oranges.
AryaStarkWolf · 18/08/2021 17:48

@CuriousaboutSamphire

That's because it was the dad's girlfriend and neither he nor the kid's mum knew about it.

Quite different from parental disagreement.

Also, that child was 8 or 9 iirc
Porcupineintherough · 18/08/2021 17:50

At 15 maybe he needs to learn by experience. If there are problems with school let him deal with it.

WouldBeGood · 18/08/2021 17:54

I can see why you’re upset, but I’d just play the long game and refuse to react.

As for the piercing, he’ll most likely get bored of it or have to take it out for school.

OurChristmasMiracle · 18/08/2021 17:57

I would say to him you are right. Ds is your son too and you made that parenting decision so you can explain this to the school and deal with any consequences

FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 18/08/2021 17:57

I actually do think you're over reacting about this. It's an eyebrow piercing, which he will have to take out for school wether he likes it or not.

If my exH screamed at me down the phone about something I'd let the kids do I'd be telling him to go fuck himself.

Mind you we don't consult each other on decisions like this. We work on a need-to-know basis and I only ever get in touch if the children have medication or similar. Then we do our own thing - it's works so much better than trying to co-parent with someone who has completely differing view to you.

Wannakisstheteacher · 18/08/2021 17:58

Unless he’s 16 in the next 2 weeks and off to 6th Form College the school will just make him take it out.

After the rubbish last 18 months for teenagers I’d let him have the next 2 weeks enjoying that he’s got it done before the inevitable.