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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be furious that ex let DS have this piercing?

45 replies

schunig · 18/08/2021 17:11

DS is 15, I made a post the other day, saying DS wanted an eyebrow piercing and lied to both me and ex, saying the other said yes, but me and my ex were both saying no, so I thought it was great.

Anyway, today DS said he was going to my ex’s which was fine, I'm at work and DP messaged saying DS has the piercing and he told him ex let him have it. I messaged ex and he told me that he was fed up of DS asking and complaining about how unfair it was that we’d both said no.

I'm furious! He goes back to school in a couple of weeks, so no idea what’ll happen as it's not allowed. I'm also annoyed about how he just let DS without speaking to me about it as I thought we were in agreement! He says that DS is his son too and I'm ‘overreacting’, I haven't seen DS yet so no idea what It looks like.

AIBU?

OP posts:
FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 18/08/2021 18:00

@XelaM

I can't believe how calm the responses on this thread are about an eye brow(!) piercing when a few days ago posters were going to report someone for assault for letting a step-daughter get her ears pierced Shock
That person was a stepmum and a stepmum can do no right!
CuriousaboutSamphire · 18/08/2021 18:02

She wasn't a stepmum. She was a relatively new girlfriend, of about a year I think.

And she did it with no parental input, apparently as a bonding experience with an 8/9 year old.

Abouttoblow · 18/08/2021 18:02

No doubt it will be OP left to deal with the school and the battle with her son to remove it. For all who are saying it's not a big deal, you're being rather shortsighted. While he's lied and "whined" to have it done, it's unlikely he's just going to agree to remove it because the school say so.

Tell his dad to deal with the fallout OP.

FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 18/08/2021 18:03

I'm a teacher and I always eye roll when teenagers come back after the summer holidays with piercings KNOWING it's against uniform policy. I tell them to take it out and the excuses are hilarious - "I can't physically take it out it's stuck" (it's ok I'll get pliers Grin) "If I take it out it will be infected" (no it won't) "It helps with my migraines" (funny that Lewis as I've known you three years you've never had a migraine at school and it's a tongue piercing)

Obviously I have to get in touch with the parents and say we made X remove their piercing and almost always a parent says good - they did it behind my back anyway Grin

girlmom21 · 18/08/2021 18:06

@CuriousaboutSamphire

She wasn't a stepmum. She was a relatively new girlfriend, of about a year I think.

And she did it with no parental input, apparently as a bonding experience with an 8/9 year old.

She was a girlfriend of the ex for a minimum of two years who has the daughter for 50/50 custody so I think that qualifies her as a step mom.

Anyway, that's by the by. OP I can completely understand why you're upset about him overruling you when you'd made a joint decision but I don't think 'looking like the bad guy' is really an issue with a 15 year old who knew exactly what he was doing. He's clearly played you off against each other here.

icedcoffees · 18/08/2021 18:25

@XelaM

I can't believe how calm the responses on this thread are about an eye brow(!) piercing when a few days ago posters were going to report someone for assault for letting a step-daughter get her ears pierced Shock
Because it's a totally different situation Hmm

The child in question on the other thread was nine.
It was a step-parent who had taken her and given permission, not a biological parent.

On this thread:

The son got permission from his dad to get a piercing.
He's 15 years old.

Original poster
schunig · 18/08/2021 18:26

When I told DS his school wouldn't allow it, he told me he didn't care so I don't think he'll ‘just take it out’, he also kept going on about wanting it so I doubt he'll just agree. But it'll be me that gets the call from school and I'll have to deal with them.

OP posts:
WouldBeGood · 18/08/2021 18:48

Just refer the school to your ex. Or leave DS to take the flak

BlankTimes · 18/08/2021 18:52

OP, Google Clear Eyebrow Retainers

If he wears one it's very likely school will not notice at all.

icedcoffees · 18/08/2021 18:53

@BlankTimes

OP, Google Clear Eyebrow Retainers

If he wears one it's very likely school will not notice at all.

But his eyebrow won't be healed in time for the start of term.

He needs to leave the piercing jewellery in for a good 3-6 months to prevent infection.

Yesitsbess · 18/08/2021 18:58

It's not just the piercing though is it? It's an ex basically saying "parenting is too haaaaaaarrrrd so I just gave in" and shrugging. Then making out you're a massive cow for being annoyed about it as well as being the BAD GUY!

As you may have deducted, I've been there, it's infuriating. No advice really, just some proper solidarity.

Sweettea1 · 18/08/2021 18:58

15 he is old enough to decide if he wants a piercing or not. Why where you so against it?

Sweettea1 · 18/08/2021 19:00

Also school won't make him take it out if its a stud type one just as they can wear stud earings.

icedcoffees · 18/08/2021 19:06

@Sweettea1

Also school won't make him take it out if its a stud type one just as they can wear stud earings.
Many schools state "no facial piercings".
Theunamedcat · 18/08/2021 19:07

@schunig

When I told DS his school wouldn't allow it, he told me he didn't care so I don't think he'll ‘just take it out’, he also kept going on about wanting it so I doubt he'll just agree. But it'll be me that gets the call from school and I'll have to deal with them.
Ahh no if/when the school ring tell them to ring ex give phone number let ex tell the school how much his son whining bothered him and thats why he had it done in fact preemptive strike ring the school day one tell them you will not be taking calls about this ring dad he gave permission
CirqueDeMorgue · 18/08/2021 19:10

It's just a bloody eyebrow piercing that your son was seemingly really keen to have. I had my nose pierced at his age and I still love it.

CirqueDeMorgue · 18/08/2021 19:11

@Yesitsbess

It's not just the piercing though is it? It's an ex basically saying "parenting is too haaaaaaarrrrd so I just gave in" and shrugging. Then making out you're a massive cow for being annoyed about it as well as being the BAD GUY!

As you may have deducted, I've been there, it's infuriating. No advice really, just some proper solidarity.

Picking your battles is part of parenting and a piercing is hardly the end of the world. 😂
Yesitsbess · 18/08/2021 19:21

It's undermining her as a parent, that's a battle I'd be fighting.

CirqueDeMorgue · 18/08/2021 19:23

And what about what 15yo ds wants to do to his OWN face?

Lorw · 18/08/2021 19:52

Don’t worry OP it will probably grow out and leave an unsightly scar on his eyebrow. That’s if school doesn’t make him take it out and if he does end up taking it out he probably won’t be able to get it back in after school. Takes like 6 weeks to heal and can take anywhere from 6 months to a year to be able to be at a point you can take it out for any length of time so don’t worry 😁

I’m glad my parents wouldn’t let me get some of the facial piercings I wanted when I was that age though 😂

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