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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Hating parenting toddler

73 replies

IsitjustmeAmIalone · 18/08/2021 11:26

Also have a baby.
There are extreme cults that allow you to meet more of your physical and psychological needs and allow you to keep your sense of self more intact than this.
Why don't I matter anymore? How is it acceptable to never be able to have what you need for yourself?
Am I wrong? Is it just me?

OP posts:
billy1966 · 18/08/2021 16:43

@IsitjustmeAmIalone

Also have a baby. There are extreme cults that allow you to meet more of your physical and psychological needs and allow you to keep your sense of self more intact than this. Why don't I matter anymore? How is it acceptable to never be able to have what you need for yourself? Am I wrong? Is it just me?
Going from one to 2 is hellish and quite the shock.

2 to 3 and 3 to 4, did not feel as shocking to me.

Your post has made me smile though.

You need to take a bit of time for yourself.
Be it only a walk in the evening.

You need to do this.

Your partner needs to spend time, on his own with the two of them.

It is crucial IMO.

Chiwi · 18/08/2021 16:49

My daughter is 20 months. I see you.
She's a tornado of fury at times, can be reasonably funny and cute but I've never been so tired or poorly groomed 😬

FuckingFlumps · 18/08/2021 16:51

@Chiwi

My daughter is 20 months. I see you. She's a tornado of fury at times, can be reasonably funny and cute but I've never been so tired or poorly groomed 😬
If replace daughter with son this statement is an accurate description of my life too. Grin

Toddler are indeed dicks. I mutter similar under my breath multiple times a day week.

harimarierose · 18/08/2021 16:56

Someone else’s lack of children doesn’t mean you’re not allowed to suffer problems if you have them. It’s not for you, or anyone else, to make their inability to have children my problem. Children can be a blessing but they can also be difficult, exhausting, and downright misery-causing. You saying someone should be grateful and that it breaks your heart changes nothing, except perhaps making someone feel guilty when they have no need.

Notavegan · 18/08/2021 16:57

It's probably a toddler combination with a baby. That's tough.

MrsTophamHat · 18/08/2021 16:58

My 16mo daughter has just been raging at me because I put her in her playpen 3metres away from me with lots of toys. She wants to be in the kitchen opening all my cupboards and throwing the pans and tupperware all over the floor for the twelfth time today while I try to cook a healthy bolognese for her tea.

Earlier she tantrummed because i wiped the snot from her nose.

Before that she was mad at me because I wouldn't let her eat a stone in the garden.

Meanwhile my 4 year old has just come back from nursery. He's chilling on the sofa with his water bottle being as good as gold. He used to be a little tornado too. I am clinging to this knowledge that this too shall pass.

wetpebbles · 18/08/2021 16:59

My 4 year old is acting like a toddlerConfused

Lavender24 · 18/08/2021 17:00

Not just you, it's really really hard! Mine has just turned three and it's getting a bit better but still very tough. I think I will definitely be a parent that enjoys the older years more.

ValidUser · 18/08/2021 17:03

Sympathies and cake and wine @IsitjustmeAmIalone.

@Brokensunflower I have an IVF baby and I utterly adore him. And I do understand why you'd make such a comment. But there's nothing wrong with complaining about someone or something you love and are grateful for.

Nonbio46 · 18/08/2021 17:04

The toddler years are hard but boy oh boy, the teenage years make them look like a walk in the park. I love the saying ‘the days go slow and the years go fast’, it won’t last forever. Hope things get easier soon for you. Xxx

hocusspocuss · 18/08/2021 17:06

Parents of kids with profound and complex SEN are pretty much stuck in that mode for the rest of their kids' lives so just digest that for a moment.

mbosnz · 18/08/2021 17:09

My eldest at 4 was a screaming banshee. There were days that I was counting down the minutes until I could chuck her in the general direction of her bedroom. . .

I find the teenage years comparable. It's like they turn into bigger, smarter, even more opinionated toddlers, who can fix you with your mother's look of withering contempt.

Createdjustforthis · 18/08/2021 17:12

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Uhhuhuh · 18/08/2021 17:12

@recreationalcalpol. Love your username😂

OP, solidarity. My 15 week old is hitting the 4 month sleep regression and my 2 year old is purposely waking her up whenever she drops off. Dick move, man.

FlowersWineWineWine

Createdjustforthis · 18/08/2021 17:13

@mbosnz

My eldest at 4 was a screaming banshee. There were days that I was counting down the minutes until I could chuck her in the general direction of her bedroom. . .

I find the teenage years comparable. It's like they turn into bigger, smarter, even more opinionated toddlers, who can fix you with your mother's look of withering contempt.

At least you can confiscate the 15 year olds technology and send them to their room. The 4 year old just follows you around while whinging.
LimitIsUp · 18/08/2021 17:53

I really struggled with parenting a baby and a 21 month old. It was a dark, dark time (they are teens now)

It does get better and sooner than you might think. When the older one starts spending some time at pre school you will find some time to draw a breath! In the mean time - can you get some practical help to give you a break? Paid or unpaid?

LimitIsUp · 18/08/2021 17:56

@hocusspocuss

Parents of kids with profound and complex SEN are pretty much stuck in that mode for the rest of their kids' lives so just digest that for a moment.
Sorry, but that's relevant how exactly?Hmm
PeterCorbeau · 18/08/2021 17:56

Toddlers GrinTook DD to a song and story class today. Spent the whole time whinging at me, not joining in and saying she wanted to go home. We get home and DH asks her how the class was. 'I had a really fun time!'

Could have fooled me Confused

I mostly do enjoy this bit but I have good support from DH and DD is generally quite laid back (although has her moments). Do you have much support? Are you able to get time to yourself? Does your child sleep well?

PeterCorbeau · 18/08/2021 17:58

Also just saw you have a baby as well. I can't imagine parenting DD with a baby to juggle. You're in the most difficult bit I think so just keep pushing on. It won't last forever. And take whatever support or breaks are offered. Can your toddler go to nursery or childcare for a day or two a week if they aren't already? DD is in two days and those days are my recharging days!

riotlady · 18/08/2021 18:24

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sweeneytoddsrazor · 18/08/2021 18:30

Toddlers are hard work very hard work. And then there are teenagers and you wish they were toddlers again.

tegannotsovegan · 18/08/2021 18:33

@Brokensunflower

Get the fuck out of here. I feel for the people who are unable to have a child, or are struggling to do so, but that does NOT apply here. Seriously, shoo.

Falleybollolo · 18/08/2021 18:36

Calling toddlers dicks doesn't sound cool or 'cool mum' speak, despite there being the cringingly obvious intention of posters - its just really unpleasant.

FuckingFlumps · 18/08/2021 18:40

@Falleybollolo

Calling toddlers dicks doesn't sound cool or 'cool mum' speak, despite there being the cringingly obvious intention of posters - its just really unpleasant.
No it's not. Hmm It's obviously being said in jest because that's exactly how you would describe anyone else displaying the behaviour the toddler is exhibing.

Honestly if it takes gallows humour and a few curse words on an Internet forum to help a parent get through the day then calling them a divk is totally acceptable in my opinion. Parenting isn't all sunshine and rainbows, it's absolutely OK to say sometimes your toddler is being a dick and you're finding it tough.

SpaceBethSmith · 18/08/2021 18:41

BrokenSunflower also thinks that single parents and blended families are to blame for multiple things so she can fuck right off tbh.