Or is my DH on this?

[merrygoround88]

On a big family holiday (his family). Having a lovely time

4 nights in and after dinner I decide to go to bed earlier than usual (11ish)
Lots of kids still up milling around having fun. My DS is in his room but younger DS still running around. Kids tend to go to bed with adults so late.

He’s in another ‘out house’ so each night I’ve gone over to tuck in, give kids, reassurance etc. By the time I get back DH is in bed and often asleep.

DSons are in an out house with an auntie etc so fun but it’s important I think for one parent to say good night anyway.

My DH comes into bedroom and I ask is he not bringing DS to bed. It’s a shared area DS sleeps in so it does mean waiting till everyone is heading to bed.

DH Huffs and puffs and says I am ordering him just because I’ve gone to sleep.

I’ve done this every night so AIBU to expect him to wait up and tuck in his own child to sleep?

If the 9 year old can't agree to take himself to bed sensibly when required to by whichever adult/older child is in charge that night then you and DH need to decide who is doing which night. If you can do that in a mutually agreeable way on an ad hoc basis then that's fine. If not you take turns unless there are other factors at play.

YANBU.

Your husband is selfish and lazy, but I bet you know that.

Tell him itbis your holiday too.

Alternate nights for the rest of the holiday.

Of course he is wrong and very selfish.

Don't be bullied, but by having to ask, I suspect you are.

I think YABU, he's 9 I'm sure he won't be devastated just getting into bed :/

I would certainly want either myself or DP to ensure our kids got to bed ok, especially if they were not in the same building as us!

So to ensure that happened then either one of us would take them, if I had done It for 4 nights whilst my other half happily trotted off to bed and was snoring by the time I got back then yes I would be annoyed that he made a scene when it was his turn.

He’s had 4 early nights and you’ve had none.

So on that basis YANBU to say he’s being a lazy selfish manchild to get pissed off at taking his fair share of child duties whilst on a family holiday

@pinkcircustop

Your 9 year old should have been put to bed hours earlier, not way past 11pm.

Sounds like a mess. Kids up until gone 11pm. Parents sloping off to bed too lazy to put them to sleep. My child would be knackered if in bed that late.

Your 9 year old should have been put to bed hours earlier, not way past 11pm

Says who? It's a holiday.

My child would be knackered if in bed thatlate

Its not your child though.

I’ve said yanbu but actually you are in that your 9 year old is sleeping somewhere they can’t go to bed until everyone else has-he needs to be in your room with you and you in the outhouse.

The set up isn't clear but i think your husband understandably thinks your son can just go to bed without being tucked in.

I take it your son is staying in another building with his aunt and other family and goes to bed when they do?

If he's staying up and having a good time with family I don't see why anyone has to wait around to tuck him in.

Your husband is likely tired and doesn't want to stay up an extra half an hour when he could just go to bed.

Just because you've chosen to do something doesn't mean your husband is obliged to follow suit, when it's something like this which isn't necessary.

The set up sounds a bit odd. Why aren't the children in rooms so they can go to bed earlier if they wish and the adults left to go to sleep in communal areas when they finally decide to go to bed? I don't think it's fair that children have to wait up until the adults decide to go to bed before they can.
Anyway, no you're not being unreasonable. Your husband can put his kids to bed once in a while on holiday!

AuntieInAnOutHouse would make a great username though
Can't stop laughing

Have I got it right that you both went to bed & let left your son for someone else to put to bed?

@LagunaBubbles

My child would be knackered if in bed thatlate

Its not your child though.

I'm aware. It just sounds shit that nobody can go to sleep until the last adult has decided they're ready. If husband wants to go to bed earlier than 11pm he should be able to. Likewise the child. But seems nobody can until outhouse party has finished. I'd be sick of my life with this set up.

@superram

I’ve said yanbu but actually you are in that your 9 year old is sleeping somewhere they can’t go to bed until everyone else has-he needs to be in your room with you and you in the outhouse.

Finally. The brains have arrived. I'm sure op will be back to tell us he totes loves being in the barn, up until god knows when, cos... It's a holiday... Sloppy parenting

If your 9yo was still up when you were going to bed, I don’t understand why you just didn’t say goodnight to them yourself? Then if by the time DH was tired and wanted to go to bed, if your DS was still up then there’s an odd dynamic here. Instead of making your DH stay up until DS is ready to go to bed, why would your DH not insist that he went to bed at that point or your DH could have checked with another adult up whether they were happy to supervise him and make sure he got into bed? Common sense though, says make the child go to bed if it’s come to the point both parents want to go to sleep rather than pushing responsibility off onto other adults. All seems an odd set-up.

Actually, on reading further comments I’m now even more confused and maybe my previous post is irrelevant. Is it that none of the kids in the barn can go to bed until all the adults go to bed as (for some reason I can’t work out) all of the adults are in the barn? If so, that’s an unworkable set-up as what if a child is tired but can’t go to bed until the last of the adults finish up for the night? Then all of the adults are expected to stay up to put their kids to bed, sitting around waiting for the night owl adults to call it a night? If so, this seems bonkers. I just don’t understand any of this or what’s going on really but whichever way I look at it, still seems bonkers.

my kids are currently on holiday with older kids and they are mental, completely batshit from staying up late til 11ish. I had to pretend the others had gone home a day early to get my 8yo to sleep at 9.30 last night. I know that's not the point of the thread but hats off to anyone who can handle chaotic bedtimes and people sleeping all over the place. I am genuinely admiring as to how parents can do it and how children can handle it without meltdown central happening every day.

@pinkcircustop

Your 9 year old should have been put to bed hours earlier, not way past 11pm.

They're on holiday!

Chill

So DS is 9. Yes say good night when you go to bed, but for family holiday with such a relaxed attitude on bedtimes and other adults, there is no need to “tuck him in bed” every night. It’s like a big sleep over...do you go to his friends house and tuck him in bed on sleep overs? No? So it’s perfectly alright for you and DH to say good night and go to bed before your DS once or twice during the holiday. I wouldn’t do it every night...have to take turns as adults staying up until last DC is in bed.

I'd tell the child that you're going to bed now and if he wants to be tucked in then he needs to go to bed now too regardless of what everyone else is doing. If he doesn't want to go to bed now then he needs to put himself to bed. We still go in to say good night to my teen and switch his light off but when he had his cousins to stay they all put themselves to bed.

To clear it up

• the kids are all running around and we made the joint decision that we won’t put them to bed until the adults are going. Maybe it’s sloppy but they are having fun and we think one week of late nights is no harm. Our lives are pretty regimented outside holidays

• unfortunately mine are in a living area where there is a tv and the space isn’t available until bedtime and the others go to their own beds. We drew lots and this is how it worked out. However all kids tend to go to bed together in one group.

I just can't understand why you'd rather your children stay up until the adults decide to go to sleep and you yourself are away in your own room. Children don't always know what's best for them so sometimes need to be told when to go to bed. Does this layout mean that they are then awoken when the first adult, who needs less sleep than children, decides to get up and have a cuppa/breakfast?

@Waspsarearseholes I understand what you are saying and 51 weeks of the year this is now we operate but this week is different and there is a huge element of chaos and mob rule

The children aren’t woken by adults making tea, that’s a separate area

If I wanted to go to bed and my husband wanted to go to bed, I definitely wouldn't expect either of us to have to wait up for the rest of my family to control when we could go to bed. Either my child would be going to bed at 11 or my family would be putting my child to bed when they decided to retire. But just to sit around trying to keep your eyes open which makes you tired and grumpy the next day makes absolutely no sense to me. That would be the advantage of going with family, using them for baby sitting. And that you can put your foot down with family and say, we're all going to bed at 11.