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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Partner glared at me I feel Awful

49 replies

stupidasusual · 17/08/2021 21:08

Sat with partner my mum and his mum and step dad this evening I asked him if I could borrow his phone I wanted to show my mum something on Facebook and I have to put my phone away as I haven't been confident enough to give his mum my phone number ( in the past she would bully me over message bang on my door waking my baby up and tell tales on me if I didn't reply as soon as she wanted yet would always ignore my messages but that was okay ) he glared at me like proper glared at me it was like I had done something really wrong, this was really out of the blue we hadn't been arguing or anything. My mum also said she heard him huff at me the day before when he asked if he could help tidy away some bits when I asked if he would take some puzzles upstairs she noticed he'd huffed. It's made me feel so shit! Like I'm a right problem he must really hate me to glare at asking to borrow his phone ( because mine is away to save his mums feelings after all she's done to me in the past ).

OP posts:
stupidasusual · 17/08/2021 21:18

I want to leave him but how can I leave with dd and allow her to be upset ? This is one of many issues I have with him

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Echobelly · 17/08/2021 21:24

It sounds like glaring is the least of the problems here - you shouldn't 'feel like shit', he has no right to make you feel bad for innocuous things. I think he is behaving towards you in a way that shows contempt (which I am sure you absolutely do not deserve) and someone who loves you should never treat you with contempt.

ViciousJackdaw · 17/08/2021 21:57

how can I leave with dd and allow her to be upset ?

A short period of upset right now is far better than a lifetime of upset which she'll get if you continue to stay with this man. I promise you, Mummy is enough for your DD.

user1471457751 · 17/08/2021 21:59

I'm pretty sure your MIL knows you have a mobile phone. You refusing to use it in front of her is just weird.
But if you want to leave your relationship then do so, but that seems like a much bigger issue than your partner glaring at you once.

Hankunamatata · 17/08/2021 22:02

Perhaps he just you to use your own phone. Your mil will know you have a phone

stupidasusual · 17/08/2021 22:04

She may know I have a phone but I don't feel confident enough to say she can't have my number if my phones out the way she doesn't ask

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LIZS · 17/08/2021 22:09

He glared at you for asking for his phone or revealing/not revealing your own? Seems like you don't trust other. You don't need an excuse to leave, your dd will cope especially if you are happier.

stupidasusual · 17/08/2021 22:11

No he glared because I asked for his phone, he was the one to tell his mum mine was broken when I told him I wasn't giving my new number out to his family as his mum has caused a lot of problems

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postcardfromme · 17/08/2021 22:15

OP sorry I don't want to be horrible but this is a bit bizarre...you don't want to give his family your number because they misuse it and his mother bullies you...he glares at you and generally makes you "feel like shit".
What are you getting from the relationships?

BrilliantBetty · 17/08/2021 22:15

If you want to leave your feelings are valid.
You can leave.

postcardfromme · 17/08/2021 22:17

Your dd will cope as do millions of other children when parents separate.
The current situation can't be healthy for her either.

RosesandPumpkins · 17/08/2021 22:21

Deal with the problem which is the MIL. If she asks for your number say no. If she asks why tel her why!
Also speak to your husband. I huff at my DP all the time doesn’t mean I don’t love him.

Aprilx · 17/08/2021 22:23

To be honest, I would be annoyed if DH asked for my phone so he could shown other people things on it, that is my property and may contain private information.

But that aside, the rest of your post sounds like you are in a very weird and slightly troubling situation with your boyfriend and his family.

Theunamedcat · 17/08/2021 22:24

Do you need permission to leave? Just leave if it isn't working for you you can work on it if you like but there is nothing stopping you from going

BoredZelda · 17/08/2021 22:28

I want to leave him but how can I leave with dd and allow her to be upset ?

So stay and allow her to be upset watching her mother be bullied by her father and his mother.

toocold54 · 17/08/2021 22:42

This does sound all very bizarre!

Did you ask him what the glare was for?

It could have been because you said something you shouldn’t have, maybe he doesn’t want your/his mum to have his number either etc

I don’t think him huffing is an issue.

It sounds that you’re mum and MIL may be causing more problems.

stupidasusual · 17/08/2021 23:12

Yes he said he didn't glare but he defo did! My mum has his number so that's not an issue x

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Twinsmum2003 · 17/08/2021 23:19

Did you ask him why he huffed?

Palavah · 18/08/2021 08:19

What are you getting out of this relationship!

stupidasusual · 18/08/2021 10:43

Yeah he says he didn't huff- he breathed out

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Ari202 · 18/08/2021 10:46

You’re saying you want to leave him but don’t want your daughter to be upset. 2 people can be good parents separately, sometimes even better parents than the are when they’re in a failed relationship.
Children are never a reason to stay in an unhappy relationship.

Smartiepants79 · 18/08/2021 10:49

Without an awful lot of other info about his (unknown) poor behaviour this just feels like a very dramatic reaction to a very small issue.
You want to leave him because he glared at you and possibly huffed once??
We’ve been married for 12 years and I consider our marriage to be loving and secure. We still have off moments with each other and occasionally glare/huff/annoy/argue with each other. It would not trigger a need to break our whole family apart!

Rosebel · 18/08/2021 10:59

@Smartiepants79

Without an awful lot of other info about his (unknown) poor behaviour this just feels like a very dramatic reaction to a very small issue. You want to leave him because he glared at you and possibly huffed once?? We’ve been married for 12 years and I consider our marriage to be loving and secure. We still have off moments with each other and occasionally glare/huff/annoy/argue with each other. It would not trigger a need to break our whole family apart!
I agree with this. I'm assuming as you said there were other issues they are big issues. Sorry but one glare and one pretty quiet huff (as you didn't hear it) isn't bullying behaviour and it's a massive overreaction. That said you don't have to stay in a relationship that you don't want to. You don't need an excuse or a reason to end your relationship. If you want to end it do so.
ilovesooty · 18/08/2021 11:56

I think your username seems significant. Are you able to get help or resources to work on your self esteem?

stupidasusual · 18/08/2021 12:03

We're not married, it's not just one glare or huff this stuff happens daily

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