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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think this is sus?

54 replies

dopeyduck · 17/08/2021 18:26

Today our household all has had PCR tests as DS (1) has a temp and a snotty nose / cough.
DP worked from home for the above reason and I had to take time off as I can't work from home.
DP comes downstairs around lunch time and enlightens us that he wouldn't be surprised if tests were positive as he feels run down / not 100%.
I look at him and he had a coldsore. He's never had one before, we actually irrelevantly discussed it whilst pregnant and he said he'd never had one. Suddenly today when I asked he couldn't remember / wasn't sure but not recently and went on and on about the fact they're caused by stress. I've pointed out that outbreaks are triggered but they're caused by a virus.
Anyways, I've never had one, so he hasn't caught it from me. I feel pretty strongly that this indicates he's had close facial contact with someone else recently and has caught this.
AIBU to think this is suspicious?

There's no massive backstory. Things are a little rocky but nothing more than having a small child and stressful jobs. We're TTC #2. I don't know what to think.

OP posts:

pilates · 17/08/2021 18:29

You are overthinking and I wouldn’t jump to that conclusion

TheSmallAssassin · 17/08/2021 18:30

I think they can pop up years after initial contact, with the virus laying dormant in your skin until you finally get symptoms.

Scroll down to the bottom of this page
www.nhs.uk/conditions/cold-sores/

Merryoldgoat · 17/08/2021 18:30

I wouldn’t jump to that conclusion myself. I also wouldn’t ttc in a relationship where things were rocky.

Original poster

dopeyduck · 17/08/2021 18:30

I should add it's been a shitty stressful day and I'm worried about DS who is quite unwell and I'm a bit scared about it being covid. Hence why I'm posting here to scope views before we inevitably discuss the elephant in the room post toddler bedtime.

OP posts:

Toomanyradishes · 17/08/2021 18:31

You can pick them up from pets, has he been fussing any dogs recently?

Merryoldgoat · 17/08/2021 18:32

[quote TheSmallAssassin]I think they can pop up years after initial contact, with the virus laying dormant in your skin until you finally get symptoms.

Scroll down to the bottom of this page
www.nhs.uk/conditions/cold-sores/[/quote]
Yes. I had an outbreak I’d forgotten about when a child.

I’ve only had once since and that was in my late 20s and I’m 43 now.

Aquamarine1029 · 17/08/2021 18:33

YABVU in TTC when you're having relationship problems without getting those sorted first.

Original poster

dopeyduck · 17/08/2021 18:33

We have a dog but she's actually very poorly and isn't being walked currently (on vet advise) so no, no contact with other pets.

When I say things are rocky I mean we're busy at work and busy with a toddler and we're not at the most romantic or fun stage of our lives. There's nothing wrong between us. We have date nights etc and things are generally settled but of course like everyone with little kids we bicker more than we used to - particularly when we're tired etc. I don't think it's beyond the normality of most long term relationships with young children.

OP posts:

Roonilwazlib1 · 17/08/2021 18:33

I believe you can catch it as a child and then not have a cold sore come out for years until it is triggered by something eg stress.

I don't think your reaction is that unusual tbh, I'd probably wonder the same at least fleetingly.

Notaroadrunner · 17/08/2021 18:36

You don't have to get them from other people. Dh gets a few a year if he's stressed or run down. You can also get them from sun exposure.

Howshouldibehave · 17/08/2021 18:36

If you seriously think he’s been cheating (that would not be my first thought!), then stop trying to have a baby and unpick this first.

Bella1329 · 17/08/2021 18:37

As others have said, you can catch the virus and it lay dormant for yours. Also, once you have it you're prone to outbreaks. I get cold sores when I am very run down and an honestly say I've never had contact with anyone except my DP when they hit.

Clocktopus · 17/08/2021 18:39

He could have picked it up years ago, even as far back as childhood and just hasn't had a cold sore until now.

He could have picked directly up from your child who may have had the virus and not shown a cold sore yet.

He could have picked it up from a surface that someone with an active cold sore has touched after touching their sore, the virus can live on surfaces for anything from a few hours to a few weeks depending on weather conditions.

It might not even be a cold sore. I thought DS had a cold sore that wasn't healing, took him to the practice nurse and it was actually impetigo.

Poptart4 · 17/08/2021 18:42

YABU I was 35 when I got my first cold sore. I definitely didn't cheat on my partner.

There are loads of ways to catch cold sores. Being run down or sick, even drinking out of a cup in a coffee shop that hasn't been washed properly .

Katefoster · 17/08/2021 18:42

Herpes can lay dormant for years I wouldn't worry unless there's anything else making you suspicious

ChequerBoard · 17/08/2021 18:44

You are being VV unreasonable.

Are you usually so suspicious about such mundane things?

Returnoftheowl · 17/08/2021 18:44

It can lay dormant for years and then flare up. He may well have found it as a child/teen, forgotten about it and it suddenly popped up now, especially if he's under stress.

ValidUser · 17/08/2021 18:54

An initial herpes infection is usually mouth sores rather than a cold sore. Later reactivation is in the form of a cold sore. He probably had the initial infection a long time ago. And may genuinely never have had a cold sore until now.

ittakes2 · 17/08/2021 18:54

I had a coldsore on my lip when I was 6 and I have never got it again. I had my blood tested and I do have both herpes viruses in my system. My son got one from his baby sitter when he was 2 years old. He is 14 now and I have never seen one since and he would not remember he had one once. Herpes sheds cells, your hubby could have had it as a small child and not again until now.

AlmostSummer21 · 17/08/2021 19:00

Please don't go there, you'll cause an almighty row. Unless you have other reasons to suspect he's been kissing someone else you're not just jumping, but leaping to conclusions and risk really damaging your relationship over something really daft.

Witheringlooks · 17/08/2021 19:08

I've suffered from coldsores for years. Mine are are caused by too much sun, if I'm run down or someone else has a cold sore and I touch something they have touched such as a door handle etc.... so he may have caught it from someone in a shop! Vaseline is definetly the best thing for it. Smother it about once an hour. I haven't had one go past the tingly stage

polkadotpixie · 17/08/2021 19:14

I think YAB(a bit)U

I had my first cold sore last December at the grand old age of 36...I've been with DH for 9 years and 100% haven't cheated on him. I think I must have been exposed years ago and it came out because I was run down and stressed

It doesn't necessarily mean he's been up to anything dodgy

KrisAkabusi · 17/08/2021 19:18

@dopeyduck

There is no elephant in the room, it's just a cold sore! There are many, many reasons your partner might have one, but you thinking it could be the sinister one will make things more serious than they need to be. Unless you have reasons to think he might be cheating, don't think the worst here, you are probably wrong.

wtfisgoingonhere21 · 17/08/2021 19:19

I get them when I'm run down or have a cold op.

My husband has never had one and we've been married 18 years.

It's probably laid dormant for years but I know so many people that had them pop up after their first vaccine due to viral load to the immune system.

I have an immune disorder and gp told me it's very common to get them when your immune system is out of sync.

HollowTalk · 17/08/2021 19:22

I have one at the moment - it usually appears (always in the same place) when I feel a bit run down. Is this the first he's ever had?

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