To think if you send someone a message (at 3 a.m!) starting with the words “risking your anger here but…” you can’t then get all hurt and defensive when what you say makes the other person angry?

[AngeloMysterioso]

AIBU?

I have a crim-psych degree and I'm telling you now she has less knowledge than a flea about autism.

Is she someone who “doesn’t suffer fools gladly”? That always seems to mean someone who is happy to be horrible to others but is upset when they’re horrible back.

@pinkcircustop

So your response to her was nasty then. She was only expressing a concern.

At 3am?!

That's 3am. In the morning. When most people in their right minds are asleep.

3am.

If you think that's acceptable, I'd hate to be your mate.

@Henrytheehoover Why does it matter that it was 3am?

[quote pinkcircustop]@Henrytheehoover Why does it matter that it was 3am? [/quote]
Because the OP has said it woke her up? And most people are asleep. 3am is the time when you contact people in emergencies only.

If some text me at 3am about anything other than an legitimate emergency, they would be met with anger.

But if you think it's OK to tell people crap like this in the middle of the night, by all means crack on.

This is one of the reasons why my mother doesn't have my mobile number! YANBU at all.

@AngeloMysterioso

Ok, full story…

I’d sent her a video of DS sitting on the sofa playing with a tape measure. Mr Tumble was on the tv in the background. She said “Risking your anger here but he seems to watch a lot of telly 🥴”

DS isn’t really talking at all yet (he’s 21 months) so we’ve been watching Mr Tumble in the mornings as I’m trying to teach him makaton. And it’s sometimes on in the background while we play together. But he certainly doesn’t spend all day staring up at the screen.

He’s being assessed for autism for a number of reasons, his speech being one of them, but according to my mother he is definitely not autistic. She considers herself very knowledgeable in this area because she did a criminology and psychology degree 23 years ago (hasn’t used it since mind you).

She has form for offering her pearls of wisdom about DS/my parenting even though I never fucking ask for them, and this was the straw that broke the camels back.

I would completely ignore the text then, on the basis that this will disappoint her as she is clearly trying to get a good strong reaction from you. Let her find her narcissistic supply elsewhere.

@pinkcircustop

So your response to her was nasty then. She was only expressing a concern.

OP wasn’t nasty. Starting a sentence with ‘risking your anger’ to make a unnecessary, unneeded ‘critique’ is.

But let’s be honest - from everyone of your posts you’ve been determined to find some way that OP is unreasonable.

@Henrytheehoover

It didn’t wake me up

OP said it didn't wake them up as they leave their phone on silent as MIL has previous form for this.

@Henrytheehoover No, it didn’t wake her up. OP literally says:

It didn’t wake me up,

It’s acceptable to text people at whatever time you want, because people should have their phones on silent if they don’t want to be disturbed throughout the night.

(And before anyone says they need it on loud because of an elderly parent, you can put them on emergency bypass.)

Does she have an alcohol
addition that makes her send texts when she is coming off a bender?

I don't think you'll ever stop her being a twonk in this regard so all you can do is entertain yourself with it. Send a photo of your son in glasses with square eyes, or a shrine in the living room around the TV, something like that. That's what I'd do.

There are a few family members who don't like me but they tend to leave me alone these days.

@doitwithlove

Does she have an alcohol addition that makes her send texts when she is coming off a bender?

Nope, she’s just a bit of a knob of the same opinion as pinkcircustop stated in the post above yours when it comes to texting people in the middle of the night. If it wakes you that’s your fault, not hers…

[quote pinkcircustop]**@Henrytheehoover* No, it didn’t wake her up. OP* literally says:

It didn’t wake me up,

It’s acceptable to text people at whatever time you want, because people should have their phones on silent if they don’t want to be disturbed throughout the night.

(And before anyone says they need it on loud because of an elderly parent, you can put them on emergency bypass.)[/quote]
And here in the real world, it is not acceptable to text someone whenever you want and put the onus on them to have their phone on silent. Such entitlement. But I'm sure you will have a reply to anyone saying this

She'll pack it in quicker if you just completely ignore it, as hard as that is.

As hard as it may be to block her, I would have to do it.

Withdraw....no messages, no videos of ds, do not feed the need!

See how long it takes for her to notice she is being sidelined then when she bleats about being ignored you can tell her off, or continue to ignore as you see fit.

*Risking your anger here but you seem to spent a lot of time being critical of your daughter 🥴”

Just bat it back

Honestly 3am? Sending digs and criticism. I'd assume either form for a complete bitch you should avoid OR something very wrong with a normally supportive person.
Just cut her out. Who needs that shit?

the scorpion and the frog en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Scorpion_and_the_Frog

Congratulations on your pregnancy AngeloMysterioso! I'm sorry you're having to deal with this crap, because that's exactly what it is.

Mr Tumble is a helpful tool when you're teaching baby sign/makaton. We did it with DD and it was brilliant. Helped no end when she was slow to talk.

Good luck with your DS. You're clearly working hard to support him and whatever happens, he's lucky to have you. Ignore your mum.

@AngeloMysterioso

Which according to her, was “nasty”.

I'd have been tempted to message back "yes - I agree, you are!" and muted/blocked her at least for the rest of the day, on all platforms.

For future such messages though, I hope I'd have the mental strength to ignore and delete...🌹

It’s acceptable to text people at whatever time you want, because people should have their phones on silent if they don’t want to be disturbed throughout the night.

What an insanely self-centred view.

I’ve got mine on for emergencies of all kinds. If a friend is having a crisis I’ll be there for them. Ditto a relative who needs something. For my work, I’ll sometimes need to be woken in the middle of the night, and the number that calls won’t be consistent.

Luckily none of my friends or family seem to be this earth-shatteringly self-involved as you are.

@pinkcircustop

So your response to her was nasty then. She was only expressing a concern.

No, it was not ‘nasty’. It was very measured, considering.

@JassyRadlett

It’s acceptable to text people at whatever time you want, because people should have their phones on silent if they don’t want to be disturbed throughout the night.

What an insanely self-centred view.

I’ve got mine on for emergencies of all kinds. If a friend is having a crisis I’ll be there for them. Ditto a relative who needs something. For my work, I’ll sometimes need to be woken in the middle of the night, and the number that calls won’t be consistent.

Luckily none of my friends or family seem to be this earth-shatteringly self-involved as you are.

Absolutely. Entitled, selfish, self-absorbed shits do that.

Everyone else knows to be considerate.