To think if you send someone a message (at 3 a.m!) starting with the words “risking your anger here but…” you can’t then get all hurt and defensive when what you say makes the other person angry?

[AngeloMysterioso]

AIBU?

@TheGumption

Is it to do with the safety of your child?

No.

Still too vague. If she sent you a message saying your kids are eating lots of crap and it isn’t healthy but you think it’s fine, she’s probably right. If it was about you bottle instead of breastfeeding then she isn’t.

I think the fact you won’t give anymore information on the message content is quite telling tbh.

I guess it would depend on what it was she was complaining about. Obviously you are going to be angry, but whether its warranted or not depends on what has her risking your anger to mention.

Your response was a darn sight less nasty than mine would have been

Just block her

One thing I've learnt about AIBU - posters who seek validation based on very selective information, and are evasive about details are usually being unreasonable!

My reply to her reply would be “well you wanted to piss me off, and stayed up to 3am to do so. Good effort. Don’t text me again.”

If she often/usually texts at that time I don't see why it's hit such a nerve (unless what she said it kinda true but we won't know because you haven't told us)

Block her.

My SIL did similar.

You press the big red button and criticise my parenting, be prepared for the fallout. I'll never forgive her. Also, I've been proved right.

Which according to her, was “nasty”.

Whereas hers was total sweetness and light.

I mean, the feedback to her is that her evaluation of the risk here was spot on, and she’ll want to bear that in mind for the future.

Or I agree next time just the thumbs up emoji or ‘ok’.

@yourstroobly

If she often/usually texts at that time I don't see why it's hit such a nerve (unless what she said it kinda true but we won't know because you haven't told us)

Honestly the second someone tells me "I know this will piss you off" im pissed off even my ex accusing me of being "in a mood" irritates the fuck out of me its a self fulfilling prophesy I struggle to correct sometimes although I am better now im older

Last time my ex accused me of being in a mood I said how does he know? I've literally shut the door in his face for two years! (Since the divorce has been finalised i no longer need to speak to him)

It does depend what the message was about. If it was 'I don't think film/computer game/website X is really suitable for grandchild's age', then perhaps mildly irritating, but not worth getting worked up about. If it was 'You are spoiling the children rotten, and they'll all end up in prison unless you start giving them the belt!', then fairly unforgivable.

Ok, full story…

I’d sent her a video of DS sitting on the sofa playing with a tape measure. Mr Tumble was on the tv in the background. She said “Risking your anger here but he seems to watch a lot of telly 🥴”

DS isn’t really talking at all yet (he’s 21 months) so we’ve been watching Mr Tumble in the mornings as I’m trying to teach him makaton. And it’s sometimes on in the background while we play together. But he certainly doesn’t spend all day staring up at the screen.

He’s being assessed for autism for a number of reasons, his speech being one of them, but according to my mother he is definitely not autistic. She considers herself very knowledgeable in this area because she did a criminology and psychology degree 23 years ago (hasn’t used it since mind you).

She has form for offering her pearls of wisdom about DS/my parenting even though I never fucking ask for them, and this was the straw that broke the camels back.

Depends on what she said really. If you tell us the content of her criticism it would be easier to tell if YWBU. If you don't want to say then I'd be inclined to think perhaps she has a point!

Okay sorry saw your update - YANBU! My mother complained that my sisters DC watched too much TV (they didn't) yet conveniently seems to forget we watched TONS as children. It was on a hell of a lot more than my sister has it on that's for sure. She complains that mother's these days put "too much pressure on themselves it's ridiculous" yet is as quick to judge as any arsehole and holds us to much higher standards than she did herself.

If you know he doesn't watch much tv then try not to be upset, shes being horrid especially when she knows you're probably worried about your DS's development.

Saw your update where you actually explained what she was complaining about.

YANBU

I mean, yes, that is fucking annoying, but I think you probably need to start limiting the amount of mental real estate you give her and just mentally roll your eyes, think "OK, whatever, mum", send her the thumbs up emoji and move on. Pass-agg people gonna pass-agg, you know?

My mother complained that my sisters DC watched too much TV (they didn't) yet conveniently seems to forget we watched TONS as children. It was on a hell of a lot more than my sister has it on that's for sure.

I was practically raised in the CBBC broom cupboard!

So your response to her was nasty then. She was only expressing a concern.

My response would be "no I'm not angry, I'm secure enough in my parenting ability to not consider your opinion important. But I'm questioning why my mum would send something that might make me angry, I think that says all I need to know about your parenting ability!!"

@BuffySummersReportingforSanity

I mean, yes, that is fucking annoying, but I think you probably need to start limiting the amount of mental real estate you give her and just mentally roll your eyes, think "OK, whatever, mum", send her the thumbs up emoji and move on. Pass-agg people gonna pass-agg, you know?

I know… and usually I wouldn’t bite but I’d had a rough night (25 weeks pregnant, lots of back pain and awake for several hours with killer acid reflux). So I was already tired and fed up when I woke up, and then I read that.

Don’t give her the feedback of even being angry- stop playing her game. Step back and don’t engage with anything except positive messages or contact. Draw your boundaries clearly and firmly. My child, my business.

Nasty begets nasty Mother, and it's bloody poor form to text someone at 3am in the morning, yes, even your daughter. You might keep weird and whacky hours, others do not. Strive to find a modicum of consideration for others, hmmmm?

Or alternatively - oh do fuck off, you silly bitch. And then block and enjoy the peace. . .