To hate being an employee

[GetMeOut22]

and ask for tips on how to escape this shit? I'm 33. My first two jobs were in companies with toxic cultures and stupid working hours (think City finance). I finally made the move towards a job with better work life balance. But my new bosses are complete fucking bellends. I feel like a total mug. I have a good degree, good savings but also a ton of debt (mortgage). How do I escape this? My degree doesn't lend itself to any self starting business. WTF do I do? Working life is so fucking miserable. I'm good at what I do. My reviews were always excellent, both my previous bosses were sad to see me go. But I feel massively taken advantage of, they always push you as hard as they can, they always squeeze every last drop of work out of you and get away with as much as they can in terms of pay, benefits,etc. Don't even get me started on the discrimination against women. I don't hate working, I enjoy what I do. I just hate working for other people. WTF do I do? This evening I found myself thinking that actually, if I die right now I won't mind. I can't imagine another 40 years of this shit. Thoughts? Anyone gone and started their own business?

Time to leave if it making you suicidal. Retrain or smtry a start up.

If you hate what you're doing so much - change it.

Maybe get rid of the mortgage if that is such a bind.

You say that you enjoy what you do. Really? You sound very angry and unhappy.

“ But my new bosses are complete fucking bellends. I feel like a total mug”

Working in a good environment with nice people is so important for job satisfaction and mental health. Can you give examples of the problems?

I feel you. I wish I could go SE, sadly I have no skill to sell. I like my job, colleagues and my boss, but I’d far rather just WFH with hours of my choosing and not dealing with rude people.

I had thought of retraining as an MUA/beautician as that’s the only thing I’ve ever been interested in but I’m too old now and would have to give up work for a couple of years to do the training.

Some of us formerly SE actually looked for employment😂 Grass is always greener and such.

It's not the employee bit imo, if your bosses are bellends, that's the issue. Can you do bit more career change? There are plenty of non bellend bosses, so you might hit it off next time. It sometimes takes few tries to find where you can be hapoy

Also, customers are usually bellends. I have no idea what happens to normally ok people when they start paying for service. Something switches inside and et voilà. Bellend.

Being self employed was the most stressful unhappy period of my life. I thank my lucky stars all the time that I got out of that situation. It might not be the same for you, but it doesn’t suit everyone. I think finding a work environment where you respect and like your Manager and have fun, nice colleagues is key. I have done the same kind of job in various different organisations and the people is what made me love one and tolerate another.

I agree with previous posters that self employment can also be very stressful for different reasons! The optimum IMO is employment with a good boss. It is possible - keep looking.

I'm self-employed and wouldn't give up the flexibility for a "proper job" ever again.

Retraining is always an option.

Maybe it's the profession you work in?

I am over 60 & have never been treated badly at work, my bosses and colleagues were always pleasant and respectful (sometimes a bit thick or useless but not nasty ) - I've also always found the vast majority of customers nice - I've always worked in customer facing roles.

Maybe I've just been incredibly lucky .

Your post makes me angry, OP.

You think it's easier being SE, you do the hard fucking graft then. See how well you cope with the stress, responsibilities, multi-role requirements, demand for creativity, absence of any back-stop, 100% accountability and sheer fucking slog, of SE.

There is a reason so few people make a real success of building a business- because it is fucking HARD

I understand. I've just joined a new organisation. They go on about how fair they are. They push me so hard I'm breaking - doing 60 hours a week at least and every day they hold over you the threat that they might dismiss you for "lack of capbility". Yet they won't do it just yet - and give you time to rethink or find another job - better to keep that hold over you.
Like you OP I'm good at what I do. Work hard. But they put in arbitrary targets all set out and signed so it looks like you have agreed.
Things like "Has shown ability to work independently" - and then they can say that if you asked for too much help you've not met that goalpost. BUT "Works well with others, shares knowledge and uses all resources available to produce excellent results". So they can say you missed either one of those milestones if they feel like it.

Working for yourself is an option but it can be very risky if you have a mortgage to pay. You'd need several strings to your bow. But I'll be doing it soon, no doubt.

I hope you can find something you enjoy, OP. Maybe it's to do with industries you're in, too.

(IME) People who are self-employed struggle to take holidays -- they don't know if they can afford to turn down any work that might be offered last minute. SE people check their emails constantly including while on hols, and have to very multi-skilled. SE people don't get automatic sick pay or holiday pay. It's challenging.

@SophieHMS

Your post makes me angry, OP.

You think it's easier being SE, you do the hard fucking graft then. See how well you cope with the stress, responsibilities, multi-role requirements, demand for creativity, absence of any back-stop, 100% accountability and sheer fucking slog, of SE.

There is a reason so few people make a real success of building a business- because it is fucking HARD

Wow! Yes it’s hard, but then again depends what you do? My DF bought and ran a shop after he was made redundant years ago. He could choose his hours (within reason). Some roles have no “multi role requirement”. His didn’t. My many friends from school who are hairdressers/beauticians don’t.

I have another old friend who is a psychotherapist (SE) and also does lecturing/private tuition. No stress and decent pay.

No requirement for creativity/deadlines in those kind of roles either. Maybe a bit for hairdressers but they go with what the client wants ultimately.

I find the middle ground of being a contractor perfect for me. I choose my own roles but still have the security of a set wage for a set period of time. I also work in a field where there is always plenty of work so I don’t have any worries about ever being out of work. If I want to take a block of time off between contracts, I can and have done that. I’d find running a business very stressful, along with the fact I have no ideas of what business I would run! But equally I hated the employee life. This is the best of both worlds.

OP - Are you me? I was in this EXACT situation, being an employee is hellish and it’s no way to live. I got out!

The main thing is your home, a massive mortgage will choke you and limit choices. You need a tiny mortgage / no mortgage and the can live cheaply and pick and choose what you do. How much equity do you have in your current home?

Also please don’t give up hope, I did it, have a lot less disposable income but I’m happy every single day. I take the dig out in the mornings and can’t believe this is my life compared to working 80 hours a week in mega stress, non stop travel corporate hell hole YOU CAN DO THIS.

@SophieHMS

Your post makes me angry, OP.

You think it's easier being SE, you do the hard fucking graft then. See how well you cope with the stress, responsibilities, multi-role requirements, demand for creativity, absence of any back-stop, 100% accountability and sheer fucking slog, of SE.

There is a reason so few people make a real success of building a business- because it is fucking HARD

Blimey.

I'm self employed (as is DH) and I don't recognise anything from your post.

I love my job. I love the flexibility. I set my prices to cover holiday and I bloody well take it. Of course it can be stressful but all work can be stressful.

I'll never go back to being an employee again.

I understand. Finance is often unappreciated and I've had bosses treat me badly.

My last boss sent everyone a Christmas hamper. Everyone except me. When I pointed this out to her she just said she forgot about me.

Go SE but look for a part time finance position aswell?

Also I meant to say be prepared to live in a area / hone that’s reaaaaaaly cheap. A lot of my old colleagues would rather die than live where I live, but it’s cheap and cheerful and has given me freedom. Get rid of the big house and along with it the ideas that you need a big home to be happy.

Well that’s what did it for me.

What do you do?

Being SE is no picnic though .My friends have run their own business for some time now. Hard work ,long hours , Cash flow problems and not getting sick pay/holiday pay .Could you maybe look for a different job instead ? You sound a little depressed .Do you have friends outside work ,hobbies maybe ? Work shouldnt define us .Could you move to a cheaper property perhaps .Life often seems like a long road, when you are working in a less than satisfying job . Many people feel as you do .As you say your previous bosses were pleased with you ,so you have done well .

Ime the grass is always greener. I think you have to chose your "hard" as neither paths are easy and each avenue brings different challenges. I liked being my own boss. I hated chasing people to pay invoices etc for the work I had done for them.
I don't know if work is supposed to be happy all the time? I work as part time as bills will allow and make the most of my free time. Hope you find what you are searching for op.

@SophieHMS

Your post makes me angry, OP.

You think it's easier being SE, you do the hard fucking graft then. See how well you cope with the stress, responsibilities, multi-role requirements, demand for creativity, absence of any back-stop, 100% accountability and sheer fucking slog, of SE.

There is a reason so few people make a real success of building a business- because it is fucking HARD

Wow, where did the OP say that being SE is easier than being an employee? She even admits that her degree doesn’t lend her to being SE so she is asking for advice and help to explore other options.

Your comment is unnecessarily aggressive.

This is how I felt and I've now opened my own business. Start up loan from the government and I'm away. It's fricking hard but once it's all open (food related) I'll start reaping the rewards! I love being my own boss and not lining anyone else's pockets!!

@SomeoneInTheLaaaaaounge

OP - Are you me? I was in this EXACT situation, being an employee is hellish and it’s no way to live. I got out!

The main thing is your home, a massive mortgage will choke you and limit choices. You need a tiny mortgage / no mortgage and the can live cheaply and pick and choose what you do. How much equity do you have in your current home?

Also please don’t give up hope, I did it, have a lot less disposable income but I’m happy every single day. I take the dig out in the mornings and can’t believe this is my life compared to working 80 hours a week in mega stress, non stop travel corporate hell hole YOU CAN DO THIS.

Can I ask what you do now and how you support yourself? I’m also hoping to get out of the rat trap as soon as possible if I can!