To hate being an employee

[GetMeOut22]

and ask for tips on how to escape this shit? I'm 33. My first two jobs were in companies with toxic cultures and stupid working hours (think City finance). I finally made the move towards a job with better work life balance. But my new bosses are complete fucking bellends. I feel like a total mug. I have a good degree, good savings but also a ton of debt (mortgage). How do I escape this? My degree doesn't lend itself to any self starting business. WTF do I do? Working life is so fucking miserable. I'm good at what I do. My reviews were always excellent, both my previous bosses were sad to see me go. But I feel massively taken advantage of, they always push you as hard as they can, they always squeeze every last drop of work out of you and get away with as much as they can in terms of pay, benefits,etc. Don't even get me started on the discrimination against women. I don't hate working, I enjoy what I do. I just hate working for other people. WTF do I do? This evening I found myself thinking that actually, if I die right now I won't mind. I can't imagine another 40 years of this shit. Thoughts? Anyone gone and started their own business?

@SophieHMS I think you're doing it wrong!

I’m self employed but am looking to switch back to employed.
The pressure and responsibility is endless. I only get paid for the service that I actually provide and not for the endless admin that comes with it. I provide a service to schools and in august I have no active clients yet tons of preparation and get paid absolutely zilch!

Yabu to suggest that running a business is easier than being employed

you don’t have very nice employers. Find another. Or is your industry one where you could go freelance? That could be a relatively straightforward route to becoming self employed

@SophieHMS

Your post makes me angry, OP.

You think it's easier being SE, you do the hard fucking graft then. See how well you cope with the stress, responsibilities, multi-role requirements, demand for creativity, absence of any back-stop, 100% accountability and sheer fucking slog, of SE.

There is a reason so few people make a real success of building a business- because it is fucking HARD

No need to be so rude!

Starting your own business can be great, but you will have more risk and also you'll be trading bellend bosses for bellend clients.

Like others say, changing your lifestyle can make a huge difference to your options. For me as a single mum, the extra protections and benefits of a decent employer are a worthwhile tradeoff. If I had no kids, nor prospect in the near future, I'd be more interested in downsizing to a very affordable or airbnb-able place and using the opportunity to travel and freelance.

I don’t read the OP as suggesting that being self employed is easier.

People are projecting quite a bit clearly.

OP - you may need to take some time to properly evaluate what you want to do. I’ve had periods like this but know that being self employed is not for me. However I hate my job - it’s my career choice that is the issue really.

I clicked YABU only because I have been both employed and self employed. Currently self employed and have been for 12 yrs. The grass isn't always greener, you could still come across bellend's that you have to deal with. You can still feel like your being taken advantage of.
You get very few benefits, no statutory rights and will find yourself working harder for the money you earn.
You may end up hiring staff, some will be fab, others will do as little as they can and take advantage of their statutory rights as much as they can. You could pretty much have to deal with everything you have described in your post but it's just presented in a different way and from a different perspective.
You do have full autonomy over what your doing, the flexibility is there but you still have to get the work in may be at different times and you can learn many new skills and feel proud of what you have achieved so there are some benefits. But I'm wrapping and going back to employment, I could renew the lease on the building I rent and keep going but I'm done, I've ran out of steam. I feel like you but the other way around but I have seen the pitfalls of both types of working.
Im looking forward to going back, the pitfalls I once saw as an employee no longer phase me, in fact I now think I'll be a better employee.

I know Ive rambled a bit but I hope that my ramblings help a little in figuring out what you want to do.

I suggest you take a 'career break' and do a fun but non-career job to tick over while you get yourself in a better place. At your age you can have a break and say you wanted six months off to spend more time with a relative who needed some support or similar - no one will care so long as the reason for the gap wasn't 'I was in prison' or 'I was on a drug bender'.

Get out (for a short time) before you burn out (for a long time).

@SophieHMS

Your post makes me angry, OP.

You think it's easier being SE, you do the hard fucking graft then. See how well you cope with the stress, responsibilities, multi-role requirements, demand for creativity, absence of any back-stop, 100% accountability and sheer fucking slog, of SE.

There is a reason so few people make a real success of building a business- because it is fucking HARD

Weirdly aggressive post. The OP never said SE was easy, did she? Is she not allowed to vent? Perhaps being SE doesn't suit you @SophieHMS!

OP, your degree doesn't have to define the rest of your working life. I retrained at your age and have worked for the past 15 years in a career that's the polar opposite of anything I ever thought I'd be doing when I was young! Now I'm in my late 40s and about to embark on a mix of PT 'employee' work and self-employment, pursuing an interest I love and keeping my life as flexible as possible.

You sound ground down. Whilst all working lives tend to have some level of stress, life is definitely too short to be as unhappy as you are.

Is there any way at all that you can reduce the mortgage, for a start? DH and I have moved to a cheaper area to reduce our outgoings and allow both of us to flex our working lives a bit more. Is that something you could consider?

@Ragwort

Maybe it's the profession you work in?

I am over 60 & have never been treated badly at work, my bosses and colleagues were always pleasant and respectful (sometimes a bit thick or useless but not nasty ) - I've also always found the vast majority of customers nice - I've always worked in customer facing roles.

Maybe I've just been incredibly lucky .

I think you have been lucky. I’ve dealt with customers for 35 years & still have a few more years left to go. I now hate people.

This will be controversial but we all contribute to this mentality by insisting on the cheapest possible solution and on complaining as soon as something doesn't go our way. It seems logical that if you as a consumer complain, beat down prices or name and shame because you didn't get what you want then that has to be passed on to the staff.

Ask a GP receptionist or a retail worker or a bank clerk. Ask a waiter or a teacher or a nurse. We live in a culture where everyone is looking to put down and score points over everyone else. Pay more to buy from a business who treats its staff well and pays tax??? No way. Forgive a mistake? No chance. Not get exactly what I want even if it's unreasonable? Why when I can make a fuss instead and force a company into effectively paying me to go away. - but the consequence is bullying workplaces.

Anywhay - I'm off to mine. Good luck OP.

A lot of the comments are true OP, starting a business is very hard work, the stress is huge and the risks are evident.

There are decent companies to work for. I normally choose little companies, where it is very hard work but I'm treated well because recruitment is expensive and my skills are in short supply.
But I chose to get out of London and take a pay cut. Now I do 3days wfh, 2 in the office.
Govt figures today show the largest no. of job vacancies in 20 years. Keep moving job until you find somewhere you like.
And take a holiday, it's been a tough year for everyone.

Become a contractor. It's a half-way house between employment and self-employment. You only ever have a "job" for a few months, but you're paid for every hour you work, at a higher rate than an employee. (To compensate for the risk of being out of work at the end of each contract.) All the bullshit of the working world disappears, as you both know you're only there for the money, for a limited time. It's a much healthier relationship than employment.

If you enjoy what you do maybe you're just at the wrong place? I'm an employee, I've worked with some very draining people and some managers who have pushed me to breaking point, but I now work with a wonderful team of people with really supportive management and I love my job again.
Maybe do some research into companies that have good reputation for looking after their people.

I get you , was similar position previously. In my line of work it will always be stressful and some long hours needed, however in the right company its manageable. I would start preparing your CV and look for new jobs, but be precise about what you want from the job, research the companies you are interviewing with and see if you can find out what its like to work for. You will get a feeling from the interviews too. You will always work with people who are ass wholes etc, that's life but some are easier to deal with in the right company. Also for your self start to say no, don't work the extra hours, be more assertive and reduce the complaining. Be more constructive with things etc. Once people see this they wont take advantage. A job will never be perfect but you mist be happy going in every day

@SophieHMS fucking hell! Who shat in your breakfast this morning? If you hate SE so much then quit instead of taking your anger out on the OP who did nothing but ask for advice.

I loved self-employment - sadly Covid and the recent IR35 rule changes destroyed it for me - but one thing I always liked was if the client was a bellend I knew I wouldn't be stuck there for ever.
I am lucky now as I am employed by non-bellends, but I miss SE.

BTW SE was much easier in terms of the workplace for me- no overwork, no multiple conflicting priorities shit. Amazingly when an org was paying a premium for my experience and knowledge they managed to focus on using it.

Hahaha no one "shat in my breakfast" although I love the phrase - nope I retired at 54 having built up a self employed business to a successful ongoing company which now pays my complacently large pension and employed 40 people.

I probably was snippy, in my post, because the grass always seems greener and I do get fed up with people who tell me how lucky I've been to work for myself for 30 years blah blah. It's not luck alone. It's also courage, and willingness to live on bugger all for years.

But there's been some good advice for the OP on here so I'm going to wander off now. Good luck OP. Sorry you work with bellends.

I don't think it's necessarily being an employee, I think it's being an employee in the wrong company.
I work for a multi national who genuinely walk the talk in relation to people first which has come into its own during Covid.
Of course there are still managers who are exceptions to this culture.....but very few and far between.
How you find the right company for you I don't know - but wanted to highlight that not everywhere has toxic environments and if SE is your passion and you have the creativity and skills and mindset to build a business amazing - but from people I've seen it's incredibly hard work and can be for minimal gain in the short-term.

@SophieHMS
I think people are being harsh, I don't think your post seemed angry nor did I get the impression that someone had 'Shat on your breakfast@'.

I too can sometimes feel a bit snippy when I respond to others thinking SE would be great, It can really frustrate me. I have had some really stressful times in employment, but none of them have come close to the stress I have been through running my business. I think it comes down to dealing with the the same kind of crap but it all just falling at your feet with no statutory rights and financial risk thrown in for good measure. To top it off when you explain why it isnt all wonderful I've had 'well thats what you get for being at the top'.
I've seen many a couple of good employees go alone and return to employment after they've seen the reality of self employment.
So I when I went back to your post having read some peoples comments on it, I was surprised to find that it was simply just honest, rather than what had been suggested!

Many a couple?.... a couple

I’m in a similar position in age/role/industry… I realised I can’t work the corporate life forever, the continual need to keep climbing gets me down, as you can never really rest on your laurels for too long. DH feels similar, so we are purposely not getting a massive mortgage, and our current plan is paying plenty into our pensions and chipping away at any debts. I’m giving it 5 more years (I’ll be about mid 40s and there’ll be no childcare etc) and then I’m seriously reassessing what I’m doing.

I tried contracting in the past, though that was a different kind of stress (short term contracts, no paid mat leave, clients want their money’s worth though you don’t have to do the career-climbing stuff) and with the new IR35 rules it might not be as worthwhile now anyway.

As alternatives cutting back hours is one thing, though part time working was previously rare in what I do, but possibly more likely post-COVID. Otherwise, maybe look for smaller companies without the ‘money never sleeps’ attitude or do a complete career change to something totally different. Company culture is key, and in big companies the particular team/area culture varies too. Perhaps figure out if it’s your specific company or the industry as a whole. I have moved about in companies to get a better fit, and certainly a general company culture helps if the job is inherently stressful.

OP, if there is one piece of advice I would give my younger self, it would be that if you have an asshole boss, find another job.

I spent far too much time in my 20s unhappy because of awful work situations.

I don't think SE is easy, I have never said that. My own parents are SE and I can see the stress and ridiculous working hours. It's just....a particular kind of stress of being an employee that I hate! The stress of working really hard, doing it all right, but have an absolute arsehole above you bossing you around and reviewing you. I feel I have no autonomy or respect (despite them recruiting me!).

They promised me I can work from home 2 days a week. But in practice not allowing it. Micro-managing me in certain areas and also leaving me to my own devices and giving me zero support if it's a task they don't like and just throwing me under the bus.

I accept that I need to leave. This was a last ditch attempt at my profession and I'm heartbroken and ashamed. I guess I just don't have what it takes.