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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be pissed off with MILs comments?

29 replies

libellera · 16/08/2021 23:53

Been with DP since DS was 5, he's now 18. He's brought DS up as his own and DS calls him dad. DP’s mum on was very welcoming of DS.

A few years ago, DS told us his girlfriend was pregnant, he was 15, we were all shocked by DP’s mum was furious with him, saying he shouldn't have been having sex, asking him why he and his girlfriend decided to keep the baby, saying she felt sorry for the baby etc.

When grandson was born, she came over regularly and she constantly asked to hold him even though he was asleep so DS refused, she'd make silly comments about how he was too young to be holding a newborn, constantly telling him he was doing something wrong if grandson cried, asking if he was ‘embarassed’, saying that his relationship with his girlfriend wouldn't last etc. One day DD did stand up to her and told her he didn't care about her judging him and that judging him wouldn't make grandson go away etc and that did shut her up for a while.

Yesterday, DS was visiting with grandson and MIL was also here, grandson was being the typical 2 year old by having a tantrum over not being able to have chocolate at that moment, he hit DS, DS told him not to hit, and told grandson he could have chocolate after he had his lunch, MIL then made a comment that DS should've hit grandson back which I was shocked about! She also said that grandson will grow up and become a ‘spoilt child with no manners’ and apparently that's what happens when kids have kids.

AIBU to be very annoyed at her comments? Especially as DS is doing well bringing up grandson with his girlfriend and they have their own place etc.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 16/08/2021 23:56

Don't be inviting or visiting MIL from now on. Problem solved. She's a bitch.

aiwndud · 16/08/2021 23:56

Why aren't you stepping in and supporting your son?

Rosebel · 16/08/2021 23:59

Tell your MIL to keep her nose out and her mouth shut. Tbh if someone was being that vile to my son I'd refuse to have any contact altogether I can see it's difficult as she's your MIL. What does your partner think about his mum's attitude?

mishmased · 16/08/2021 23:59

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Howshouldibehave · 17/08/2021 00:01

She sounds awful but why are you inviting her round! Why aren’t you supporting your son and saying something to her?

Tulips15 · 17/08/2021 00:03

@aiwndud

Why aren't you stepping in and supporting your son?
Exactly
TiredButDancing · 17/08/2021 00:15

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Original poster
libellera · 17/08/2021 00:22

@Howshouldibehave

She sounds awful but why are you inviting her round! Why aren’t you supporting your son and saying something to her?
We rarely invite her over, she comes over without us inviting her as she wants to see DS2.
OP posts:
BatshitBanshee · 17/08/2021 04:00

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Laserbird16 · 17/08/2021 04:33

If she comes over without an invitation then just tell her she can't come in. Though I'd be putting some distance between your family and her. Your DP can see his mum but until she can be civil she would be allowed in my house.

messybun101 · 17/08/2021 05:08

Why is JF your partner saying something?

messybun101 · 17/08/2021 05:09

Sorry typo - why isn't your partner saying something?

MadameMonk · 17/08/2021 05:28

Sounds like a lot of adults standing around helplessly hand-wringing, instead of being assertive. It’s really not that hard or dramatic to speak up, firmly but with a light tone. What’s the worst that could happen? She gets faux-offended and bustles off into the sunset. Job done.

Whyo · 17/08/2021 05:34

Stop being pissed off and start sticking up for him.

Shoxfordian · 17/08/2021 06:03

When she comes over, you can tell her to go away

She sounds very difficult

SuperSange · 17/08/2021 06:22

I'd you didn't let her in, you wouldn't have to listen to her comments. Problem solved.

MessyLifeCleanHouse · 17/08/2021 06:39

Why on earth aren’t you stepping in and supporting your son? Your just standing there watching him get bullied by a vile cow. Your just as bad! If someone EVER spoke to my child that way they would NEVER be able to come into my house again. Shame on the both of you, your poor son.

MessyLifeCleanHouse · 17/08/2021 06:39

*you're

lannistunut · 17/08/2021 06:43

Why is she allowed in? Your poor son! And awful for your GS too.

You need to tell her she can't come round anymore, IMO.

phishy · 17/08/2021 06:45

I agree, speak to your DP; and tell him he needs to sortbthis or MIL can’t come over any more.

Don’t risk alienating your son.

Sweetpeasaremadeofcheese · 17/08/2021 06:48

I would text her and say you still feel uncomfortable about that comment and if she says x,y or z again you will throw her out on the spot. And FOLLOW THROUGH.

Devon1987 · 17/08/2021 08:33

Why are you not telling her to fuck off! If my mil spoke to my son like that she would put firmly in her place and told to come back when she learned some manners.
Stand up for your child.

Cuddlyrottweiler · 17/08/2021 08:50

You really need to stand up for your son, not sit there quietly pissed off. Tell him he's a good dad and tell her he's a good dad and tell her to go fuck her self tbh.

He's done what many father's, much older than him, don't. He's stepped up, he's doing his best. He doesn't need some judgmental bitch criticising his parenting.

Iputthetrampintrampoline · 17/08/2021 08:51

I think after what your son has gone through at such a young age I would be rather proud he is stepping up to be a parent and a partner,He seems to be doing all the right things regarding his child and girlfriend, I would suggest MIL or indeed anyone else offering their unwanted advice and opinions be told firmly to shut up and only give advice if asked for it. Yes your son is very young but it sounds like he is doing a great job and will learn on the job very much like all of us had to do being first time parents, You need to support him at every turn or you will loose him OP and that would be tragic. Tell mil no more,leave him be,You dont need to be nasty but you do need to be firm,

ShingleBeach · 17/08/2021 08:52

You need to stick up for your son. If you find it hard to speak up Plan some comments and have them ready. “Actually he and girlfriend are doing an excellent job” “that’s not fair, he’s a great dad” “I think you’ll find we don’t agree” “we’ve heard that opinion before, we don’t agree with you, and we don’t need to keep hearing it”.
And
“You’re entitled to your views but I don’t want my grandson to grow up hearing his Dad constantly undermined so could you keep it to yourself please?”

Say it. Your son needs you.

And stop being such a wet lettuce. She is showing obvious favouritism of her younger grandson, I assume bio.

The suggestion that DS hits his toddler is annoying, but not unusual for that generation

Rubbish. Ageist generalisation. How old do you think the grandmother of an 18 yo is anyway?