To be pissed off with MILs comments?

[libellera]

Been with DP since DS was 5, he's now 18. He's brought DS up as his own and DS calls him dad. DP’s mum on was very welcoming of DS.

A few years ago, DS told us his girlfriend was pregnant, he was 15, we were all shocked by DP’s mum was furious with him, saying he shouldn't have been having sex, asking him why he and his girlfriend decided to keep the baby, saying she felt sorry for the baby etc.

When grandson was born, she came over regularly and she constantly asked to hold him even though he was asleep so DS refused, she'd make silly comments about how he was too young to be holding a newborn, constantly telling him he was doing something wrong if grandson cried, asking if he was ‘embarassed’, saying that his relationship with his girlfriend wouldn't last etc. One day DD did stand up to her and told her he didn't care about her judging him and that judging him wouldn't make grandson go away etc and that did shut her up for a while.

Yesterday, DS was visiting with grandson and MIL was also here, grandson was being the typical 2 year old by having a tantrum over not being able to have chocolate at that moment, he hit DS, DS told him not to hit, and told grandson he could have chocolate after he had his lunch, MIL then made a comment that DS should've hit grandson back which I was shocked about! She also said that grandson will grow up and become a ‘spoilt child with no manners’ and apparently that's what happens when kids have kids.

AIBU to be very annoyed at her comments? Especially as DS is doing well bringing up grandson with his girlfriend and they have their own place etc.

She sounds awful she’s totally out of order. Your son on other hand sounds like a great dad regardless of age. You must be proud of him!!

Isn't it rich she's worried about the toddler growing up to be rude and she's the Queen of rude! What does your partner say? I'd be showing her the door post haste

I would be exceptionally proud of DS and his partner. Parenting a young child in a pandemic has nearly broken me and I'm almost forty.

I would be showering him in praise, both of them.

Show him how much he matters, apologise for not intervening with MIL. Take his lead, this is your second home DS, what would you like me to do. I do not want you spoken to like that here.

Ok this should have been resolved years ago when MIL started sniping with her bitchy comments. If this has been going on for the past 2 years why have you or your DP not stepping in?

If anyone spoke to my 15 year old or 18 year old like that then they wouldn't be welcomed in my house. Asking your son if he was embarrassed? I would literally have asked her to leave immediately and told her in future to keep her judgements to herself if she wanted to remain a part of your family. That type of toxic shaming is disgusting.

Did nobody say anything when she told your DS to hit his child? Speaking to her about this doesn't have to be confrontational, it needs to be firm and clear that it is not acceptable and wont be tolerated.