To ask for hints for going back to FT work?

[SpottyTablecloths]

I have just finished a P/T , very flexible role and start a F/T one in about 2 weeks time. New role has zero flexibilty - working in an office 8.30-4.30. First time working F/T since 2005....albeit whilst SAHM and/or Part-time I always did all the household stuff. (DC are going into Y11 and Y9).

I am very excited about the job (oooo the ability to use my brain!!!) but am having the occassional freak out about how everything will work!

So:
DH very supportive (but works v v v long hours and earns about 10 x what I will be earning). He is happy to do what he can when he is here.
We have fortnightly cleaners.

Washing machine with a timer function.

Regular supermarket delivery slot.

I am going to try and sit down this week and do some proper meal-planning, Always been half-hearted about it up until now (because I could be tbh..) We have accepted we may eat beans on toast a bit more frequently to start with...

I know I have it easier than some. But am anxious about it. Please reassure me it will be OK? And share any lessons-learnt or tips you can please? Or any one-saucepan, store-cupboard-ingredients quick meals (apart from risotto and dahl)...

Thank you!

@FinallyHere

will not be met with a "Where's the stuff?" And they can do one each at the same time.

This is really good stuff, I'm impressed and shall adopt this myself. 😄

I have just shown them both what to do (ie bleach down loo, then clean sink, then clean loo). They were both like "Doh...easy and barely takes much time, of course that is OK to add to the Post-It-note"

Post-it-note is what we call the 5pm-ish list of chores....I just call them yell "post-it-note" like a banshee and ask them to do whatever is on the list.

I started it during lock-down and, although I now get through a daily post-it-note they have learnt
a) how to divide the tasks fairly between themselves and
b) the quicker you get to the post it note the easier it is to "dibs" the jobs you prefer doing.

c) I also no longer have to nag. It has taken the "mum is nagging us" out of the equation. The jobs are less-personal, if that makes sense, as they are on a list. And, if it is not crossed off the list it still needs doing.

For meals -

With the meal planning, do what you can the night before to make dinners quicker the next night. Eg I might make a salad dressing, marinade, pasta sauce, some kind of sauce, even chop things for the slow cooker the night before then I've just got to do the fresh bits the day after. Like vietnamese chicken salad I'll make the dressing and shred the chicken the night before then its just a few min cooking noodles and shredding veg the next day. Even stir fried rice I'll cook the rice the day before and par boil some of the veg that takes longer to stir fry (green beans carrots etc) so that it's a really quick meal the day after. I'll often cook extra veg, take the stuff out I'm having the day after and re heat.
Google stuff that freezes well. I've started freezing things like cooked roast and baked stuffed potatoes and Yorkshire puddings and they re heat really quickly another day.

Can you get your children to start cooking one meal a week, they could start off together if not confident

We have our treat night takeaway in the week instead of the weekend, something to look forward to mid week, its quieter, and you get the benefit of saved time when you need it most

Can you get the teens to do their own laundry? My dc (11 and 14) have their own basket and mostly do their own stuff. Yes most stuff ends up in the tumble drier because it's easier than hanging it out but none of their clothes are fragile so not a problem.
I will sort towels and bedding at the weekend if it has been left.

Also as pp said, expect to be tired at first. So try and keep the evenings free as you may want an early night (or at least not a late one). Meeting lots of new people, learning a new culture and how to do the job and using those little grey cells can be exhausting.

Congratulations on the new job!

Thank you everyone by the way for all you advice and insights. It has been really, really useful.

I am pretty sure I will cope with it all - but Yes - expecting to be vey tired!

Just got to work out how to fit in a run every few days and washing my hair (or more drying it) without having to get up at 6am. (Am going to have to get up at 6...aren't I?)

@Amboseli

I've been considering going FT from flexible PT but feel exhausted just from reading all the advice on this thread.

Do you get any time to yourself for hobbies, social life etc? I've got a great work life balance at the moment but also the extra money would be nice.

If you can avoid Don’t Part time here and…. It frees up weekends and just generally means life isn’t racing past

Cleaning toilets etc
Are NOT what I’d have my newly educated on cleaning teens do
They’ll do a shit job. Will cause tension.

Keep it simple. Folding and put
away laundry. Vacuum.

Most importantly… always, always tidy up after themselves.

@Amboseli

People with teens, how are they able to cook meals with after school activities, homework etc?

My teens get home quite late from school, around 5 or later. They have some chill out time, then we have dinner as a family and then they do homework and go to bed.

Weekends they're out with friends and rarely have dinner at home and also have activities and homework to do. Older teen has a Saturday job. Younger teen will have one too from next year.

Exactly Has to be realistic to each scenario

That would never ever work here.

Plus teens come in starving from sport etc. I am a softie but I think unfair to get them to start cooking a family dinner. They’ll have decades of that ahead for that!

Batch cook and tasty ready meals
And good stock of tinned soup and bread in freezer
So worse case…. Soup and loads of toast for dinner

There's still loads here about what you're expecting your DC to do, and what you have already organised for them to do, but nothing about your husband:

He is happy to do what he can when he is here
DH says we will all muddle through and it may take some time but we'll get there
DH is aware this may be something he has to do more often
He does wfh but he is down the garden so not actually in the house. And this may change going forward
He does start late-ish though (9.30) so is happy to put a load on/tumble dry/fold etc etc. but it is always driven by me. I have plans to change this...

Have you actually talked to him about all of this and discussed how he can share the load with you more? After all, you will be out of the home whereas he is at home!

I think you have to be much, much more specific about your expectations of him - it isn't about just muddling through. What that actually means, especially as you've admitted you like being in control, is that you'll keep taking charge and taking responsibility for household things - which means that things for you will slip to the bottom of your list, and suddenly you'll find that you don't have any spare time.

If you're working full time then it's really important that your husband steps up to share things around the home. (I actually also think it's quite unfair just how much you're putting on your DC)

If you're working full time then it's really important that your husband steps up to share things around the home. (I actually also think it's quite unfair just how much you're putting on your DC)

So my DC
Morning (max 5 minutes)
One empties dishwasher
One collect eggs/quick poo runand top up chicken water
Collate their own lunches

Evening (max 5-10 minutes)
One sets table
Plus share out one or two other jobs as needed (water planters/empty bench/quick wipe down of bathroom)
Clear up (with DH) after evening meal.

Then DD (because she asked for jobs for extra money) makes 10 sandwiches a week and empties the bins.

We all fold/sort washing as needed. Run the cordless hoover around downstairs as needed. I may occassionally ask them make a salad to go with tea?

I am not sure why you think this is unfair or too much? It is just helping out in a family surely? Chores? Being human? Or am I actually being mean? I am sorry, I don't see it.

As for DH? He is 100% on chicken supplies purchasing (I can no longer get there during the week - so that will now be something he has to do). I am aiming for him to be on lawn duty. He also pitches in (at the moment) with everything if he is in the house. He cooks breakfast. He does the majority of the weekend Teen-Ferrying. Anything needed last-minute from the shops, 99% of the time he goes. If there is a post-it-note list at the weekend he does his share.

At the moment I do not know how it is all going to pan out to be honest. So I can only give it a few weeks - see where the weak spots are and have a discussion with him then? I 100% agree he needs to step up - but I am not going to start discussions with him now - when I don't know what will be needed. He is on board, he knows he will need to do more (he wants me to be happy and not stressed) but I really don't see the need to be specific now? I can't be. At the moment I am on holiday and he is back at work. So really, now is not the time to be having these discussions.

Also - he wants me to be happy and not stressed. Likewise me for him.
He finishes work at 7/8/9pm. I will be in at 4.35pm. I will be aiming for equal leisure-time not equal chore-distribution. Yes I do the mental load/the wife work - I will be looking at that too. But again - his mental load for work is huge. Mine will not be the same. So - doing a 50/50 split of mental load may sound fair - but not actually be fair.

Think given the age of your kids it should be fairly ok once you adjust to the new pace. That might take a few weeks.

By way of reassurance, I do this ok with younger kids and as a single parent so I eagerly awaiting the stage of kids doing jobs (properly anyway!)

All the best

@Marmitemarinaded from reading this I think I'm a softie too! My DCs always do whatever is asked of them but often they're not in when things need doing.

I agree they have a lifetime of cooking and cleaning and chores ahead of them.

I was utterly indulged and spoilt
Went to university and barely knew how to toast toast!

I’m now a single mother, work, no support network, very very house proud…. It did me no harm.

It all comes eventually

My two do chores without fail. But i don’t expect them to cook family dinners (unless they want to) etc.

Tidy up after themselves - absolutely. Their rooms I expect to be clear floor and bed made.
Unload dishwasher (no way load…. That’s a fine art!)
Bins out
Clean laundry put away

And that is a heck of a lot more than me!

@Marmitemarinaded I think you're right, life would just race past in a blur if I went FT.

This thread has been a bit of an eye opener and I think I'll stick with PT for now. I'll reconsider when DCs are at uni which is only a few years away.

@Marmitemarinaded I think we had a very similar upbringing! I could just about boil an egg when I went to uni! ButI've come a long way since then and according to DH I can cook better than his mum!

My DCs also do keep their rooms very tidy and do their own breakfasts and lunches, DD does her own laundry and does cook dinner sometimes. I haven't asked them to do any of these things though.

We're all happy with the way things are so there's no need to change anything. I only started thinking about it as there will be an option for me to go FT at work in the next couple of months but for now I think I'll stick to PT.