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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask for hints for going back to FT work?

65 replies

SpottyTablecloths · 16/08/2021 13:52

I have just finished a P/T , very flexible role and start a F/T one in about 2 weeks time. New role has zero flexibilty - working in an office 8.30-4.30. First time working F/T since 2005....albeit whilst SAHM and/or Part-time I always did all the household stuff. (DC are going into Y11 and Y9).

I am very excited about the job (oooo the ability to use my brain!!!) but am having the occassional freak out about how everything will work!

So:
DH very supportive (but works v v v long hours and earns about 10 x what I will be earning). He is happy to do what he can when he is here.
We have fortnightly cleaners.

Washing machine with a timer function.

Regular supermarket delivery slot.

I am going to try and sit down this week and do some proper meal-planning, Always been half-hearted about it up until now (because I could be tbh..) We have accepted we may eat beans on toast a bit more frequently to start with...

I know I have it easier than some. But am anxious about it. Please reassure me it will be OK? And share any lessons-learnt or tips you can please? Or any one-saucepan, store-cupboard-ingredients quick meals (apart from risotto and dahl)...

Thank you!

OP posts:
SpottyTablecloths · 16/08/2021 15:00

Am currently working on a spreadsheet of meal planning..... I fucking hate meal planning...no idea why

Teens are relatively well-trained - they do all dishwasher loading/unloading/setting table/watering plants if asked etc.

Job is (am hoping) office constrained. So hoping no bleeding into weekends/evenings.

Am contemplating increasing the cleaners to weekly. But to be honest, my second-week clean was a wipe down of the bathrooms every 3/4 days (which takes 5/10 minutes) and use cordless hoover downstairs as needed or get one of the children to whizz it round. which takes again about 5/10 minutes. Maybe I am a slattern, but am not sure an extra clean will help - I also do get a bit stressy when they come. I may wait and see. It could be I get them to come and do bathrooms/downstairs floors on alternate weeks.

Gardener - have tried this before (massive garden) and those that come regularly seem to be a bit crap and I needed to chase them to turn up all the time. I do have a landscaper guy who says he is happy to come for a day in the spring and a day in the autumn for a big clear up. Which would probably cost the same/maybe less. And I trust him.

We have a ride-on mower which is amazing fun so the lawn only takes about half an hour to do. DH is aware this may be something he has to do more often. Also contemplating teaching oldest DC to do it and pay them....they are always after ways of earning extra cash.

OP posts:
BiddyPop · 16/08/2021 15:02

When cleaning up after dinner, prep things for following evening's dinner - peel potatoes and soak in water, peel veg and soak/pop in airtight box, defrost meat or a previously cooked sauce, marinade meat, maybe even make the sauce.

By sauce, I mean a spag Bol, chilli, curry, tagine, stew etc. So you just need to reheat that when you get in and cook the rice/pasta/couscous/potato etc.

I like to make a double batch of the sauce part and freeze the 2nd half for another night in the next couple of weeks.

Also, if your oven or a slow cooker can be set up on a timer, that could be really useful for stews etc or for 1 tray roasts or having baked potatoes and a small joint cooked when you get in to just steam some veg etc.

We work on laundry by keeping on top of washing and drying dirty things but putting all clean dry clothes into a clean laundry hamper to fold at the weekend while watching tv. Anyone can root about in the clean hamper if they need something but it feels less of a chore doing it this way. (And DH does the ironing in front of countryfile on sundays).

Get a bunch of cards for birthdays, anniversaries, and others you would generally send (condolences, accept/reject invites, good luck/well done, get well soon etc) so you can grab one to send out quickly. And get a good few stamps to be able to send at short notice without needing to go to PO.

The 2nd stage of that is to have wrapping paper, tape, ribbons, (and boxes/tissue paper or bubble wrap etc if you need to send by post) all ready to be able to wrap presents easily. I had a generic presents drawer when dd was smaller and had parties to go to but not anymore now she's a teen - but I tend to try and get presents well ahead of time or pick up things I see that I know particular people would like later.

Automate bills etc where possible - direct debits where you can or get bank details to be able to use banking online at a time that suits you.

Yes to regular food shopping slots and cleaner.

Not for everyday use but shortcuts at pressurised times include the sachets of instant rice or noodles for stir fries, frozen uncooked prawns (defrost and cook very quickly), tins of tuna/sweet corn/bamboo shoots/4 bean mix/coconut milk etc.

Do a big check of cupboards and a large stores shop before you start - for food, cleaning items, drinks, treats, medicines, first aid items etc - all the things your family goes through relatively frequently (like we use a lot of heat and cold patches for muscle injuries but almost no indigestion remedies- so think about YOUR families' needs).

And keep a list on the fridge door which you ask everyone to use: anything they want in the shopping and also anytime they finish an item (preferably when they open the last bottle/packet or know the stocks are low rather than when they've already run out).

Think bout what dinners are needed to deal with different activities - so a night when everyone is home at 5/6pm together might be a pre-prepared stew on the oven timer but a night with different activities at different times (sports, study, scouts, etc) might need a more flexible sauce for people to microwave and dole out as needed.

SpottyTablecloths · 16/08/2021 20:27

@BiddyPop - this is bloody fabulous, thank you! Just ordered some non-children mixed birthday cards and wrapping paper as supplies are low.

And yes, forgotten that after school stuff now hits dinner time now they are older...so couple of nights a week I definitely need stuff that can be reheated/served whenever.

Like the idea of prepping for tomorrows meal whilst in the kitchen anyway. I am a big fan of doubling up on stuff (chilli/dahl/curry etc) when cooking and popping meal in the freezer. This has reminded me to order another sharpie-pen - so I can actually label the stuff and we don't end up with random "freezer-tea" - when I am not actually quite sure what we will be eating until it has defrosted! Once thought I had green lentil dahl defrosted for tea...turned out to be stewed gooseberries....Grin

Have spent some time this afternoon with my "meal planner spreadsheet" writing down all my go to meals - slow cooked, quick hob jobs, Green Roasting Tin favourites, even beans on toast - have allocated each a time to cook as well plus the key ingredients I'll need. So have list....just need to bloody use it now.

Have also been googling slow-cooked veggie meals (DD went veggie last year) so going to try a few of those out too. And, as above...if they don't work, there is always beans on toast....

OP posts:
BiddyPop · 18/08/2021 07:19

When freezing batch cooked dinners, I now tend to freeze in single portions (we keep plastic takeaway tubs and reuse those) as that makes it easier for different numbers of people in different nights, they defrost faster if there's an unexpected extra person to feed, and also means that on nights with multiple comings and going's, I can do a large pot of rice but different sauces that different people like for microwaving when they won't be eating together.

Dozer · 18/08/2021 07:30

Congrats on the job, and the v short ‘commute’!

DC are teens? Then they can cook a weeknight meals once a week each. (We did, from 14). No payment needed.

No way would we be paying a teen for taking bins out!! Everyone should pitch in to run the household.

Agree with PPs that weekly cleaner would be good.

IME meal planning and cooking are the main domestic hassles. I find the parenting side much harder than the domestic, eg guilt, help with school work/stuff that happens when it’s late and am tired.

On your DH: IMO there’s inconsistency between being ‘very supportive’ with words, but ‘works v v v long hours’ and ‘do what he can when he is here’. Ie you don’t have his active support. you’re the ‘default parent’ and domestic worker, which will be much, much harder working FT, unless your new job is easy. It’s do-able, but it’d be better, for example, if DH did X,Y or X all the time, everything to do with those things.

Marmitemarinaded · 18/08/2021 07:38

Even if you don’t think you need a cleaner a week
If you can afford to, I’d do it

FinallyHere · 18/08/2021 09:31

see @BiddyPop 's point about having a store of cards and raise you ...

Outsource the whole cards business to an online service. My favourite is Moonpig.com and I'm sure others are available. It is worth doing the set up of loading names and addresses and birthdays for anyone you regularly send a card to. Then set reminders to turn up in your email.

Even better, you can order cards in advance to go out at the right time. I use the dead time between Christmas and the new year to load up a years worth of cards. Add chocs or flowers as required.

_

One thing I notice about your post @SpottyTablecloths is how often you dismiss alternative solutions for tasks which currently take up your time exactly because it 'only takes five minutes to sweep the floor'.

This is a recipe for all your time to be taken up in busy-ness with no time to think about and arrange for things to happen without any effort required from you.

It's an approach which can be as much of an issue at work as it is at home.

You need time at home and at work to review how things are going and decide what tweaks are required for things to be better, or even better. Filling up your time with jobs 'too quick to be worth delegating' eats into that time and steals your overview. I would encourage you to take the approach that it is worth delegating everything so you can focus on that overview.

To succeed in any role, Think of your self as the leader of the orchestra. No one says oh, the leader might as well play the triangle because it's only a few seconds to hit the triangle and the leader knows when those seconds come.

Might also be worth sorting out why you get stressed by the cleaner coming.

A cleaner visiting Friday / Monday either side of the weekend would mean that you never have to do real cleaning, just make sure everyone tidies up after themselves to leave everything tidy for the cleaner.

My mother used to sing us a song ' don't put it down put it away' which I still find myself singing now

Congratulations on the new role and Good luck.

BIWI · 18/08/2021 09:35

Where is the extra input from your DH? It's all very well and good him being 'supportive' but he also needs to step up with chores/tasks at home.

Why is he working such long hours? Does he have to? Or is it just convenient for him to do that and not get involved in the work of running the home?

I think you're training your DC to see that all this stuff is the work of a woman rather than both parents.

Thorgod · 18/08/2021 10:35

@FinallyHere

see *@BiddyPop* 's point about having a store of cards and raise you ...

Outsource the whole cards business to an online service. My favourite is Moonpig.com and I'm sure others are available. It is worth doing the set up of loading names and addresses and birthdays for anyone you regularly send a card to. Then set reminders to turn up in your email.

Even better, you can order cards in advance to go out at the right time. I use the dead time between Christmas and the new year to load up a years worth of cards. Add chocs or flowers as required.

_

One thing I notice about your post @SpottyTablecloths is how often you dismiss alternative solutions for tasks which currently take up your time exactly because it 'only takes five minutes to sweep the floor'.

This is a recipe for all your time to be taken up in busy-ness with no time to think about and arrange for things to happen without any effort required from you.

It's an approach which can be as much of an issue at work as it is at home.

You need time at home and at work to review how things are going and decide what tweaks are required for things to be better, or even better. Filling up your time with jobs 'too quick to be worth delegating' eats into that time and steals your overview. I would encourage you to take the approach that it is worth delegating everything so you can focus on that overview.

To succeed in any role, Think of your self as the leader of the orchestra. No one says oh, the leader might as well play the triangle because it's only a few seconds to hit the triangle and the leader knows when those seconds come.

Might also be worth sorting out why you get stressed by the cleaner coming.

A cleaner visiting Friday / Monday either side of the weekend would mean that you never have to do real cleaning, just make sure everyone tidies up after themselves to leave everything tidy for the cleaner.

My mother used to sing us a song ' don't put it down put it away' which I still find myself singing now

Congratulations on the new role and Good luck.

This is an amazing post! Noting for myself... And would love to teach that song to the kids!
anonforamo · 18/08/2021 11:54

Congratulations on the job!

Also sounds like you are very organized.

I work more than full time and if I had the option (or a partner with 10x my salary as mentioned) I'd have a cleaner weekly, likely Thurs or Fri so that I wasn't spending the weekend doing jobs. Starting the weekend with the floors swept/hoovered/mopped, bathrooms cleaned, linen changed, dusting done and kitchen clean, would be the dream. That's likely where I'd splurge.

Also the meal subscription boxes, particularly the 30 min ones, are quite fab! We were treated to one and I finally understood why people say they save time.

Good luck!

Di11y · 18/08/2021 12:46

I've got a ninja foodie. It sautés, slow cooks and Pressure cooks. It's absolutely massive but I find it useful for either prepping in the morning or making dinner quicker in the afternoon.

Dozer · 18/08/2021 13:00

If you’re getting stressed pre cleaner, that’s likely because others aren’t doing or sharing the work of tidying up etc beforehand: if so, change that.

motherofcatsandbears · 18/08/2021 13:45

Get a slow cooker and batch cook things like ragu to freeze for a quick meal.
You will be fine xx

user159 · 18/08/2021 13:52

Definitely up the cleaner if possible. And the comments about planning and getting outfits ready on a Sunday night works wonders in my house.

SpottyTablecloths · 18/08/2021 13:53

@Dozer

If you’re getting stressed pre cleaner, that’s likely because others aren’t doing or sharing the work of tidying up etc beforehand: if so, change that.
Yep. Agree with this. Though I also probably need to not worry so much about them coming in to a bit of mess.

Have (more or less) been home for everyone - so made sense for me to bear the brunt, as it were. I, and everyone else is aware things will change. They are all relatively well trained - for how we used to do stuff. Will need to just work some of it out as we go along.

OP posts:
Amboseli · 18/08/2021 14:02

I've been considering going FT from flexible PT but feel exhausted just from reading all the advice on this thread.

Do you get any time to yourself for hobbies, social life etc? I've got a great work life balance at the moment but also the extra money would be nice.

SpottyTablecloths · 18/08/2021 14:03

@BIWI

Where is the extra input from your DH? It's all very well and good him being 'supportive' but he also needs to step up with chores/tasks at home.

Why is he working such long hours? Does he have to? Or is it just convenient for him to do that and not get involved in the work of running the home?

I think you're training your DC to see that all this stuff is the work of a woman rather than both parents.

He hasn't had to do much really up until now. It was (before) the sensible division of labour. Though he does cook my breakfast (poached eggs, brocolli or asparagus and tea) every single morning.....not much but love it.

Hours...cos he is stress-meister and very dedicated. He does wfh but he is down the garden so not actually in the house. And this may change going forward.

He does start late-ish though (9.30) so is happy to put a load on/tumble dry/fold etc etc. but it is always driven by me. I have plans to change this... -just trying to work out how to stop the non-tumble-dry stuff from being-tumbledried!

I think again, as up-thread, it is almost frustrating that I am not starting for a couple of weeks - so some stuff feels a bit unfair to implement now (DH just getting over a minor op too...so he is dealing with low-grade pain at the moment).

I am conscious I do not want DC to fall into the "womens work" view.

OP posts:
SpottyTablecloths · 18/08/2021 14:17

Re the slow cooker - I am trying to utilise my range (think Aga) better instead of this. It sits in the kitchen on tick-over (unless brought up to temparature obviously) all day. Think like a pilot light on a boiler. Which is about the same temp as a slow-cooker on low. So trying out some "put in the range at 8am, no need to turn on, but edible at 6pm" meals. So I have some Butternut Squash & Spinace Thai Red Curry in there at the moment. Yesterday I did an oven-cooked mushroom risotto - which wasn't as good imho as a proper risotto - but for a bung everything in the dish cold, shove in oven and leave it was perfectly edible DD and DH said they preferred it..heathens

So I have the tools there. I just need to use them.

OP posts:
SpottyTablecloths · 18/08/2021 14:24

@Amboseli

I've been considering going FT from flexible PT but feel exhausted just from reading all the advice on this thread.

Do you get any time to yourself for hobbies, social life etc? I've got a great work life balance at the moment but also the extra money would be nice.

I have certainly had hobby time up until now. But I think over the last year I have had too much time.....which meant in some ways I have been wasting it.

One of my non-leisure time-contrained committments disappeared March 20 - giving me 3-4 hours extra a week. Probably more. And I haven't used those for hobbies or anything worthwhile...I have just kind of frittered them away....faffing...on MN being not particularly efficient, noodling around and then at 5pm realising shit...need to make tea, not unloaded the washing, fuck, forgot to phone the plumber...etc.

OP posts:
SpottyTablecloths · 18/08/2021 14:32

@FinallyHere

see *@BiddyPop* 's point about having a store of cards and raise you ...

Outsource the whole cards business to an online service. My favourite is Moonpig.com and I'm sure others are available. It is worth doing the set up of loading names and addresses and birthdays for anyone you regularly send a card to. Then set reminders to turn up in your email.

Even better, you can order cards in advance to go out at the right time. I use the dead time between Christmas and the new year to load up a years worth of cards. Add chocs or flowers as required.

_

One thing I notice about your post @SpottyTablecloths is how often you dismiss alternative solutions for tasks which currently take up your time exactly because it 'only takes five minutes to sweep the floor'.

This is a recipe for all your time to be taken up in busy-ness with no time to think about and arrange for things to happen without any effort required from you.

It's an approach which can be as much of an issue at work as it is at home.

You need time at home and at work to review how things are going and decide what tweaks are required for things to be better, or even better. Filling up your time with jobs 'too quick to be worth delegating' eats into that time and steals your overview. I would encourage you to take the approach that it is worth delegating everything so you can focus on that overview.

To succeed in any role, Think of your self as the leader of the orchestra. No one says oh, the leader might as well play the triangle because it's only a few seconds to hit the triangle and the leader knows when those seconds come.

Might also be worth sorting out why you get stressed by the cleaner coming.

A cleaner visiting Friday / Monday either side of the weekend would mean that you never have to do real cleaning, just make sure everyone tidies up after themselves to leave everything tidy for the cleaner.

My mother used to sing us a song ' don't put it down put it away' which I still find myself singing now

Congratulations on the new role and Good luck.

I like the idea of me as the leader of the orchestra. Grin And I agree - I need to think of this - DH already sees me like this I think...I need to get into his mindset.

The 5 minute jobs here and there are potentially ones I can get DC/DH to do.

We have a routine where, when I am cooking tea, I call them and present them with a short list of chores - setting table, emptying bench (where all the stuff that needs to go upstairs gets put) watering planters, quick hoover downs stairs/fold washing etc which they then have to do between the two of them. So there is the potential that they could fit these bits in as well.

I am not sure how I feel about instantly spending extra on the cleaner. It would not take up all the extra ££ I am earning...but some of it. (Yes, yes, we have joint finances, so it is our money not mine). So may just wait and see. am just a slattern really

OP posts:
SpottyTablecloths · 18/08/2021 14:36

Oh and have just discovered (for said Thai curry above^^) frozen, diced, butternut squash. Why did I not know of this wonder before! How many hours spent trying to peel/dice those fuckers in the past myself!!

And I have just ordered 2 extra sets of bathroom cleaning stuff - which can now live in/nr the bathrooms. So a "please can you give the bathroom a wipe down" will not be met with a "Where's the stuff?" And they can do one each at the same time.

OP posts:
FinallyHere · 18/08/2021 14:39

will not be met with a "Where's the stuff?" And they can do one each at the same time.

This is really good stuff, I'm impressed and shall adopt this myself. 😄

LadyDanburysHat · 18/08/2021 14:45

The biggest issue I found with going to full time was, as previously mentioned, feeling utterly exhausted for the first few weeks.

The other big one was not having those handy weekdays off to deal with home admin, like gas/elec supplier, insurances etc.

Amboseli · 18/08/2021 15:06

People with teens, how are they able to cook meals with after school activities, homework etc?

My teens get home quite late from school, around 5 or later. They have some chill out time, then we have dinner as a family and then they do homework and go to bed.

Weekends they're out with friends and rarely have dinner at home and also have activities and homework to do. Older teen has a Saturday job. Younger teen will have one too from next year.

Amboseli · 18/08/2021 15:13

@SpottyTablecloths yes I do some faffing too but I need that. Our set up is different to yours because DH earns far more than me but doesn't do long hours and wfh full time so he does a lot around the house including cooking.

There is an option to work FT with my current employer but it would be FT office based 9-5. My commute is 15 mins drive.

Don't know whether to go for it or not.