Fears for the future and children

[Archie1989]

I have a lot of anxiety for what is happening in the world, and this gives me a lot of fear for my son in future, that he will live through awful times due to climate change impacts and then anxiety for human nature….things like the advance of the Taliban and those poor people being left to deal with it.

Me and my husband have been trying to have a second child…..but the last month has left me questioning this. What would that child have to live through and is it selfish to bring another child into the world. I feel selfish for bringing my son into the world, knowing the heartache and difficulties he will live in due to the effects of climate change.

AIBU for worrying so much?

Hi OP,

I'm really sorry you're feeling this way. Not sure you're BU because I am having the same anxieties at the moment. I feel so powerless/helpless. My DP thinks that governments won't let the climate go completely up the spout, in the same way we had MAD in the 80s - nobody actually wanted to cause the end of the world with nuclear weapons. I'm still not convinced, because of their inaction so far. I think that what worries me is that, to avoid MAD, those in power had to not do something, but to steer away from the climate crisis will need huge action and changes, which I'm not sure the world's govts want to do/make. Interested in what others have to say on this.

Looking at last 100 years alone, people were having children during interwar years, during the cold war, the grim inflationary years of 1970s. The world has always been a brutal place in some shape or form.
Climate change is real and a threat but it is not going to cause human extinction or anything similar. Just as the Cold War didn’t.

Having any child is selfish. I honestly don’t know what to say as I’m afraid. Climate change is real and is happening right now. The biological urge to procreate is also real and I completely understand why you want to have a second child.

Climate change is real and a threat but it is not going to cause human extinction or anything similar. Just as the Cold War didn’t.

I think our way of life will definitely be under threat in the future. So even if everyone isn’t wiped out, it’s going to be a very different existence to what our parents and grandparents lived through.

I think it’s easy to despair but as a species we have an in built negativity bias, that’s why negative media sells. What’s happening in Afghanistan is absolutely tragic for those living there but unfortunately it’s not new. I think it’s worth looking at all the positive climate action out there, lots of very passionate and very clever people are worked my tirelessly to improve things. I think the Covid vaccines are a wonderful example of what can actually be achieved by science.

There is still so much hope and beauty in this World, you just have to dig a little deeper for it ❤️

The world has been shite in different ways since the dawn of time, life is also the best it has been in other ways.

If you have one child you may as well have another- yes I’m terrified for the future but I tell myself every generation has felt this, always wars and terror it just changes form

Thank you for your responses. Totally right that every generation has challenges in one way or another, whether it be wars, financial crashes. The fact that social media shows us these things makes it feel more like it’s new, when it’s always been around.

The frightening thing about climate change is that I work in an environmental industry. I believe this isn’t something that can be solved now and we’re at the tipping point. It won’t just be floods, fires, extreme heat….it will be a change in the make up of the atmosphere that will make it harder to breath, kill species and subsequently be an extinction event .

@OnlyFoolsnMothers

If you have one child you may as well have another- yes I’m terrified for the future but I tell myself every generation has felt this, always wars and terror it just changes form

This (in a strange way) makes me feel better about it - every generation has faced massive man-made existential crises in one way or another (WW2, atomic bombs, Cuban Missile Crisis etc). And I try to comfort myself by making as many environmental changes to my own life as I can, and I'm going to write to MPs/ministers ahead of COP26 in November. I think there is also a big/growing appetite for environmental changes and improvements among us normal people, and politicians are supposed to represent us - if enough of us speak out, then they'll have to do something 🤷🏻‍♀️

The human race is amazing and will evolve and adapt. Your child could be a pioneer of change or make a huge positive contribution. If there’s hope, then there’s a reason.

YANBU. I feel the same and it's one of the reasons I'm not having another child. OP all you can do is your bit - one of the best things you can do for the planet and your children is to stop eating animal products.

I have felt like this for a long time and the recent fires in Greece and, well everywhere have brought my anxiety up to the point where my fight or flight feeling is permanently switched on.

One of the most helpful things I have found is learning about things that will help my children if our homes are ever burnt or flooded.

-Growing food (indoors, out doors, in containers)
-Growing perennials in communal areas. For example planting apple, pear, plum, and cherry trees. Rhubarb and asparagus. Raspberries, strawberries and currants etc. All could be snuck into your local parks.
-Forraging. I absolutely cannot believe how much my feelings have stabled themselves since I found out you can eat nettles, dandelions, elderberry (cooked),wild garlic... the list is endless. I have started with YouTube videos but am graduating to books so I can have an actual copy.

Just knowing that if worst comes to worse I have a plan. My children know what plants are safe. They know the basics. Potatoes, for example. Chop the sprouting eyes off of a potato, plant it and you get enough potatoes for a meal. from a scrap!
Also, everything you produce and eat yourself is something you haven't had to buy from the shop.

Looking for things like this is so empowering. I can't do much but I can plant a fruit tree. (I've only planted 4 and one didn't survive but I have plans for more)

The floods in London are scary too. I've been looking up how to deal with flooding (more likely in England right?) and apparently the most effective and the cheapest flood defense is trees! and grass. letting grass grow long makes their roots grow deeper meaning if you leave your lawn for a year to grow wild you will effectively create a sponge to soak up excess water.

Also try following some Zero waste groups on Facebook or foraging groups or tree planting groups. Even when I am feeling like I've done badly, I have brought loads of convenience meals or we had a takeaway etc etc, just being able to see other people are trying their best is enough to help me stop wanting to run away. There are so many things people are doing to make a difference. So many people care about making the world a better place.
Did you know that scientists have played a recording of a healthy coral reef in a declining one and that attracted more fish and helped the reef regenerate?
Did you know one man managed to plant over 40,000 trees on a wasted piece of farmland? Or that as the desert is encroaching people are fighting it and growing trees and have big greenhouses to use the wasted desert space?
People care! I care. My children care. We can all make such positive differences.

Someone near me planted strawberries and cucumbers on a peice of grass that was just wasted space. Just cut grass. Now there are plants for food. I have wanted to do that for so long and now I see someone else has I have decided I will extend from our own gardening and move onto public land. Maybe it will inspire someone else. Maybe it'll be trampled. whatever. I'm up for it. I am so fucking up for it.

Do you think that could happen soon? As in before my small children die soon?
Its something that scares the shit out of me.

@sst1234

Looking at last 100 years alone, people were having children during interwar years, during the cold war, the grim inflationary years of 1970s. The world has always been a brutal place in some shape or form. Climate change is real and a threat but it is not going to cause human extinction or anything similar. Just as the Cold War didn’t.

Disagree with you re climate change. That is exactly what will wipe out the human race and in the not too distant future.

This is something I've really struggled with since having children. I've posted once or twice about it on here and found mostly reassuring responses, basically along the lines of 'the world has always been shit, its no different now'

My mum has confirmed this when I've chatted to her about it. She had her babies in the 70s and 80s and was terrified about nuclear bombs, IRA bombs, Thatcher Government, massive poverty in developing nations etc.

Every generation has its own worries. Yes it's overwhelming and terrifying at times but there's only so much we can do about the big stuff. I try to make the world smaller when I get worried. Inside our home, we're happy, we're warm and fed and safe right now. Focus on that and when you feel strong enough think about ways to address the bigger stuff - recycling, reducing waste, donating to charity, planting some flowers for the bees, whatever.

I often think like this, then remind myself that I was a very small child through the cold war years.

@househousehousefox thank you for this. There are some excellent tips I will take on board. And so many positive things there to consider.

You mentioned some things that are my job too! I work in flood risk management, and I design natural flood management solutions - sustainable urban drainage schemes (tree planting, converting urban areas back to green etc to increase biodiversity).

I think what worries me is the natural release of carbon stores when temperatures rise to the tipping point…and the slow progress to reduce meat intake, plastic production. I just can’t see how humans will stop. The world is acting so slowly and the reality is worse than the worst case climate projections. Too many people see it as a hoax or just don’t realise how far down the line we already are with it.

I think our generation will be seeing more and more impacts and our children will see an earth that is becoming less inhabitable. It’s all such a delicate cycle that is breaking down.

I hope scientists can come up with something amazing. I saw a story about a machine that is taking in carbon dioxide (although why a machine to do that when trees can?).

The only thing with comparing this to wars is that the wars ended (mostly)….this is extinction, this isn’t something that can just stop

My parents lived through the First World War, the Great Depression, World War II, The Cold War, etc, and people still had children and the cycle of life continued.
Re Climate Change. My own opinion is that I will try to do my best to avoid as much waste as possible, which is not just food waste, but clothes waste as well. I also try to buy local as much as possible, with the aim of avoiding distribution costs of global products. (I admit I cannot always do this).
Then I believe the Gov should put money into new technology and development, rather then just banning things - thinking of electric cars here. The infrastructure is not yet developed to enable this properly.

Climate change is real and a threat but it is not going to cause human extinction or anything similar. Just as the Cold War didn’t

It's going to extinguish an awful lot of humans actually! You're not comparing apples and oranges, you're comparing apples and nuclear missiles...which weren't used. Cimate change IS happening, it's not a theoretical possibility.

In your place, I would not have a second child. I agree that it would be selfish.

Hi OP, I don't mean to minimise your fears and they are perfectly valid, but I find that doing the best you can do within your means (but don't be too hard on yourself if you're not perfect) is enough, and not watching the news and all its depressing coverage really helps. I don't think the watching or consuming news is healthy for anyone's mentality.

www.theguardian.com/media/2013/apr/12/news-is-bad-rolf-dobelli

Climate change will cause huge disruption but it won’t be the end of the human race.

The best thing you can do is join the many people fighting for change. Wringing your hands in despair is a horrible, passive way to live.

The positive news is that whilst we as individuals couldn't do anything about the cold war etc, we CAN do something about climate change. Ok it's only small changes but we can take a bit of control. Most awful things that have faced humans on a large scale we have had absolutely no individual control over.

Climate change will cause huge disruption but it won’t be the end of the human race

You don't know that, and it might well be.