To ask for help with chronic procrastination.

[IamFrozen]

Not really and AIBU, because I KNOW my behaviour is unreasonable. Posting for traffic. I would LOVE to hear from any chronic procrastinators out there who have managed to overcome this problem.

It is ruining my life. I fall behind with work and then stress out catching up. I lose out financially because I order things online and if they aren't right I procrastinate sending them back until it's too late. I don't exercise, I don't eat healthily, I don't go to the doctors when I should... everything is put off until tomorrow. Tomorrow will be the death of me one day.

I am not lazy. I have a history of working very hard and have burned out several times in the past. This might be at the root of the issue somehow, I'm not sure.

There is no logic why I do this. Often there is something slightly overwhelming or anxiety-provoking about the tasks I avoid, but I DO want to get them done. I can't rationalise why I can't. If I force myself to sit down to "do the thing" I just feel incredibly uncomfortable, tense, my mind freezes up, I can't focus, I have an overwhelming and impatient urge to get the hell away. It's that feeling you get when you've been on a very very long car journey and you're tired and annoyed and restless and just ITCHING to get out of the car and stretch your legs. I feel like that. I just have to get up from the table. The work often requires concentration and I just cannot focus or commit. I don't have ADHD because I was absolutely fine in school and can concentrate really wel at other times.

It's getting worse and worse and I don't know the best way to sort myself out. Maybe it's some sort of anxiety, but I can't pinpoint what exactly I am afraid of. Any ideas what I can try?

I really recommend reading The Now Habit by Neil Fiore, essentially a primer to the reasons for procrastination. Like you I am a really hard worker but had mental roadblocks.

It was an absolute light bulb moment for me, realising that my procrastination was 100% bound up in anxiety. Being much kinder to myself amongst other things has really helped me to be more productive.

thank you @Porridgeislife I will look that up right now. So glad you have had the help you need.

Came on to recommend Neil Fiore's The Now Habit, and see @Porridgeislife already has.
It also made me realize how much my procrastination was connected to anxiety. I am still working on getting better, but at least I have some understanding of what is going on and a plan. Hope it helps, OP. You definitely aren't alone!

Are you sure you don't have ADD...? Sounds quite classical really, people with ADD can concentrate on certain things. Do some reading and scoring questionnaires and see what you think

I have no advice but am posting in solidarity. I am a lifelong procrastinator and I wish I could change my habits but I have no idea how.

What's worse is DS is exactly the same and it is so infuriating when he delays doing his homework/revision/chores but even being on the other side of it has not made me tackle it in myself

My procrastination (and DS's) is definitely laziness, not anxiety

There are loads of resources on Executive Function and ADHD that I think are really helpful, even if you're not sure what the cause is. Particularly around breaking tasks down into well-defined chunks, and scheduling lots of mini rewards to get the dopamine hits so you keep going.

Hi, welcome to my world, I do have ADHD .

It is very important that I don't procrastinate for my job and I am not perfect at it but happy to share some things or tips.

1. Start. Things. Early. There is a sweet spot when I have enough time and spare time (spare is important as leaves room for error/underestimating) to do the job. That is when to do it. Leave it longer and then it becomes a dilemma...if I start now...that thing I was worried about might happen then what will I do, that translates into cortisol and anxious energy which is the enemy of focus! Starting early is my superpower in the fight against procrastination. I guess the science is that achieving something is motivating.

1. If I find myself in an anxious place, what helps is to go for a walk, eat some nice food, relax, bring the cortisol down, but then start. If stuck I find talking to someone for accountability is good, clarifying what the immediate priorities are (and also what I am going to park for now).

1. If I skip points 1 and 2 then yup, you know...deadline adrenaline, which is great as there is no time for not focusing and decisions seem to come quicker, but it comes at a cost which is stress and an aftercrash, I know this well! I am just trying to reduce the number of times this happens. When it does, I learn from it. Eliminate the obstacles so it doesn't happen again.

Other things

• forgetting perfection, accept good enough. Obvs save perfection for really important stuff, but everything can't be really important!! If it is I need help.
• just start somewhere, anywhere
• just aim for 15 mins (usually I can keep going!)
• egg timer!
• things like focus mode on phone, the Forest App (focus and grow trees, they plant ones is real life too!)
• Focus Mate website
• Having a good start the day routine (work in progress!)
• Using a standing desk or work somewhere with a view
• Less social media and internet, its terrible for focus

It sounds like you might be suffering with anxiety and boredom. Did something happen and it is worse? What has worked for you in the past?

wow thanks @MistySkiesAfterRain, lots to think about there.

What helped me in the past was the last minute adrenaline-fuelled panic, but I finally pushed myself too far last year. Think massive sleep deprivation and emotional breakdown. Since then the all-nighters just don’t work, the adrenaline doesn’t come, I just fail to do what needs to be done and hate myself. The pandemic has meant I’ve been able to find an excuse for a few of my failures but soon I am going to be held accountable and I need to fix this problem.

Could it be OCD? I have a relative like this and it sounds very similar. Obsessing and overthinking and procrastinating until its too late and then having an excuse for not having made a decision? E.g. buying clothes, not being sure of them and obsessing about it, failing to return them in time but then never wearing them.

I struggle with really bad perfectionism OP, to the point I'm sometimes frozen when it comes to doing work. The tips pp have said are brilliant (especially being super kind to yourself), I'd like to chip in with the Pomodoro method too. It's basically where you set yourself a 25 min timer to do whatever it is you need to do, then you get a 5 min break. Repeat this four times then you get a longer break. I've saved this website pomofocus.io/ to my browser bar favourites and honestly, I've found promising yourself "I'll just work for 25 min on this thing, then I can stop" usually opens up the floodgates to do the stuff you were wrestling with once the first segment passes. It's the actual starting which is hard I know! I frame it to myself I can plod along through any task for 25 min.

As for getting tasks done like sending off returns, try and make it your only job you need to do that day. Don't overwhelm yourself with lots of stuff on your To Do list. Tell yourself I'm doing one job today and that's dropping off this return, then give yourself a big pat on the back.

A strong daily routine helps me combat procrastination when I'm slipping into a negative mindset but that might be something to build up towards further down the line.

When you say you were fine at school, do you mean you were well organised and always completed things ahead of time and could largely focus and concentrate on what you wanted to, when you wanted to?

If so, when do you pinpoint this inability to focus/procrastination starting? Did anything trigger it?

Procrastination is usually linked to anxiety speak to gp for cbt referall or some boroughs you can self refer google healthy minds

Sounds very like ADD to me. Have a look at Additude, it's an online ADHD/ADD web publication and see if any of it seems familiar

Hi OP I don’t really have any advice just following for tips and sending solidarity. I am very similar to you. However I also have a good friend who is similar and she has been diagnosed as an adult with adhd. We were both very good students at school but that doesn’t mean you don’t have it.

What I’ve found is that in years gone by I managed to make things work because I could really focus on whatever it was I had been procrastinating about and eventually get it done with the last minute adrenaline you describe. But that is only really possible when you can entirely focus on that one thing. Now I have kids and a household to run and a job etc it’s all too much to manage. I haven’t really found a way of coping yet but I have noticed that things are worse when:

1. I have some anxieties about some element of whatever I need to get done
2. I am feeling low more generally
3. I have attempted to put a big plan in place and then one small element of the plan goes wrong (eg if I am trying to eat healthily and I do a big meal plan for the whole week and I have a small bit of chocolate I will then snowball and end up binging because my plan is “ruined”. I’m actually better if there is no big plan and just make smaller decisions eg I’m hungry now so I will have some fruit)
4. This is my main one - I’m terrible if my house is a mess. I won’t get anything else done. The returns will sit in the bag in a cupboard. I eat badly. I spend too much time on my phone. I am still trying to figure this one out because previously (pre kids) my solution would have been to do a huge clean and tidy spurred on by the anxiety and the satisfaction of finishing it all would then motivate me to get everything else done. But now my kids trash the house and I am having to try to learn to live in a house that is permanently a little bit messy. I’m now trying a thing of doing the power half hour or 15 minute focus on tidying or cleaning and then the satisfaction of completing that spurs me on to do other jobs like prepare returns.

It’s really hard I know. Hope you get some helpful advice on here.

Ps. As you may tell part of my procrastination extends to sleep, I know I should go to sleep because it’s good for me but I now almost get more adrenaline from doing the thing I shouldn’t do, which is bad!!

Thank you everyone so much and solidarity in return to those of you who struggle with the same!

Oh I absolutely get what you mean about getting more adrenaline from doing the thing I shouldn’t be doing 🙈

And Annie- well actually I was a big procrastinator in school too, but what I mean is that I never struggled to focus. Exams for example were never a problem for me. I could read and write and listen to teachers for hours. I used to experience ‘flow’ back then… which I haven’t been in for years.

I remember procrastinating my exam revision so vividly 🙈. If I was like this when I was 15, and I’m still like this at 36, I wonder whether I will ever get over it or if it’s a part of who I am now . I feel like I should have cracked this years ago.

Following with interest as I could have written your post OP! So you are definitely not alone. Some great tips from other posters. I'll be checking out the Now habit

Sounds like me to a T including doing well in School and at exams though I never did homework or coursework as I couldn't focus at home..in the classroom I was very focused and enjoyed it.

I'm asking to be tested for ADD as I'm certain I have it from reading resources, including those mentioned in this thread. Look up hyperfocus with ADD, it explains being focused in class etc.

Not trying to diagnose you but me and a lot of other posters are saying ADD, so maybe worth getting checked out. Girls usually don't get diagnosed until adulthood and I know from my generation (primary school in 90s) that ADHD was seen as something only hyperactive boys have. Even now some GPs believe this too. My GP didn't want to refer me and just told me to do more exercise.

Fellow sufferer OP, and like you have always been able to pull things together at the last minute with excellent results. Not this year however, after dealing with very stressful prolonged situation, I'm failing to achieve. Defo not lazy - when I do something I throw myself into it - but as my partner says it's getting me going that is difficult. Have you considered talking therapies? - CBT may help. It definately helps to dive in and do things immediately - the longer you put off the more anxious you become, thus leading to brain freeze when you then try to start. It's worth speaking to GP re possible underlying anxiety or low mood. I hope you find an approach that works for you.

Ooh, this is me too. Following.

I could also have written your post OP. The usual tricks aren’t working for me and I agree that it may be due to burnout, in my case over the past 18 months. I can’t offer much help I’m afraid, but you’re not alone.

Ordinarily I would tell myself to just get one thing done today, whether that is a cleaning project or something to do with work. I would just tell myself that I’m going to get out of bed and immediately do that one thing. The key is not to think about it at all, just get up and do. Usually when I have done ‘the thing’ I feel so great that it leads to more ‘doing’ and I can often rattle off a week of put-off tasks in that day.

Unfortunately I’m really struggling at the minute and even though the getting up and doing one thing still works, it’s leaving me exhausted and feeling as though the remaining tasks are insurmountable. I am considering taking some time off work to refocus if I’m honest, although I don’t know how receptive they would be to that.

Do you have ADHD? What I thought was chronic procrastination was in fact severe difficulties of executive dysnfunction.

Ex Dys helps you prioritise tasks, start them, transition between them, finish them.

I now realise I am not lazy.

I'm the same OP, don't think I have ADHD but a chronic procrastinator.

I like some of the white noise / ASMR videos on youtube. Most of the time they help me concentrate (other times they can annoy me).

Happy to send you links to my favourite ones if you like!

@AntiSocialDistancer

Do you have ADHD? What I thought was chronic procrastination was in fact severe difficulties of executive dysnfunction.

Ex Dys helps you prioritise tasks, start them, transition between them, finish them.

I now realise I am not lazy.

Very interesting, how do you manage Ex Dys?

I dont

Yes I do have ADHD. The NICE guidelines recommend medication as a first step of treatment, due to other health conditions I cant take the medication .

At the moment I'm mostly being kind to myself, which is more helpful than I thought it would be.