About my non eating child?

[Tenlittlepiggies]

I’m kind of despairing, my nearly 3 year old is so fussy with food it’s now verging on ridiculous.
He’ll currently only really eat dry things like crackers and crisps. He will sometimes eat just crackers for breakfast. He’ll occasionally eat an apple and sometimes peas. It’s becoming so stressful, as every meal time most of the food gets thrown away. We’re not a particularly well off family, so it’s really soul destroying to see all that perfectly good food being chucked in the bin.

Is anyone in a similar boat? He’ll eat sweet things like chocolate and mini marshmallows too and ice lollies.

But won’t eat sandwiches, cheese, pizza, wraps, pasta, any type of meat, he’s recently even gone off fish fingers and chicken dippers which he used to eat when we were desperate.

That sounds really tough. Have you tried not having this crisps, marshmallows etc in the house at all so that they are not an option? Could you involve him in the cooking e.g easy pizza making using pitta bread for the base, tomato purée and veg / cheese?

Have you ever heard of ARFID? I know lots of toddlers are very picky, but my son was beyond picky when he was about 3 and so much worse than his peers. I read about ARFID and while DS doesn't necessarily have it, some of the techniques suggested in a book I bought about it really helped and now he's 6 he's much much better with food.
I also learned about a year ago that he has a food intolerance, so I'm not sure exactly what impact that was having.

Without sounding super middle class (which I'm not) have you tried quinoa or cous cous? You can cook up a whole bag and they keep really well in the fridge so you only need to take out what hell eat. DD used to love the texture as a toddler, they are both fairly dry and sand like and she liked that she could eat it with her fingers as it all sticks together when you pinch it. DD used to like it on the side and plain but you can add all sorts to either of them.

I wondered about ARFID too

I'm sure I watched a fussy eaters programme a few years ago and they recommended only putting a very small amount of food in front of the child so that they aren't overwhelmed, you can always add to it from another dish kept out of sight if he finishes it.

Thanks for the replies, I had considered the ARFID previously. Is it worth calling the GP to discuss it?
Or would it be the health visitor?

If it was a dry food thing then surely he’d eat dry cereal etc but he won’t try that either. Let alone cereal with milk. He used to eat marmite or honey on toast but has gone off both of late.

I feel your pain entirely and wish I had some magic solution for you but I’m still looking for it. Both my children are very very fussy. They are also autistic so at least I know there’s a reason but it still doesn’t stop me from feeling like the worst mum when it’s chicken dippers again.

What did help though was knowing how limited a diet children can eat while still remaining healthy. A few years ago my ds saw a nutritionist and I had to write everything he’d eaten that week. It was very repetitive and was mostly made up of snack type foods because he won’t eat any meals. Think, breakfast - dry toast, snack - melon, lunch - more dry toast, a bite of scrambled egg, dinner - peas, three chips and a chicken dipper
Anyway, she said that it wasn’t a cause for concern and she’d seen much worse! I was amazed! He still doesn’t venture much further than those foods but he’s growing and seems healthy so I try not to worry about it too much.

What does he eat in a typical day?

Ok so a typical day is:

Breakfast - a smoothie, a couple of dry crackers or a handful of raisins
A mid morning snack if he wants it, usually one of those toddler fruit bars from organix or similar.
Lunch is usually crackers, a few crisps - those kiddylicious cheese straws are a fave, he will eat olives occasionally too, and a couple of slices of cucumber.
If he has an afternoon snack it’s normally crackers again or pretzels (the crunchy type) or some of those mini yogurt covered strawberry bites
Dinner depends on the mood he’s in, occasionally I can get him to eat one of those toddler ready meals - the meatball or curry ones but that’s become a lot more difficult of late. Otherwise he’ll just refuse dinner and he’ll end up with breadsticks, crackers or Pom bears

Oh and he’ll eat ice lollies/ice creams no trouble.

He won’t touch egg in any form, cheese, tuna, ham, salmon, chicken, sausage.

Looking at your typical day, that isn't actually too bad (my own DD is also very fussy) - there's carbs, some protein in the cheese, yogurt and toddler meal, some fruit and veg (in the smoothie and cucumber).

If you can find a way to get a multivitamin into him, that would be good - toddler milk is fortified if he'd drink that but not take vitamins in other forms.

If you're frustrated by making 'normal' meals that he refuses, would you be less stressed if you just offered him what he'll eat, at least some of the time?

It's hard work, isn't it....

Oh and I forgot to add he has milk before bed with vitamin drops in.

Been there! First the good news, she's an adult and even eats vegetables now. The bad news is that it took until late teenage years to get her onto a normal healthy diet - honestly I did give up and resort to chicken nugget happy meals at some points because she would hold out for days not eating - she had fortified milkshake drinks prescribed by doctor until 6. Dd is autistic. We are still making breakthroughs, she's even started eating broccoli and peppers (at 22). I would persevere and find a fortified breakfast cereal he'll eat because that's a cheap fallback. I also had success with fun meals like wraps you make yourself (eg taco mince, grated cheese, salad and sour cream), build your own pizza is another favourite,

Healthy children don't starve themselves.

Make a GP appointment to make sure nothing underlying and if nothing found, present him with three balanced meals a day. If he doesn't eat, don't give him anything else either.

What you're giving him at the moment is not healthy or suitable, and there is every chance that he is just holding out for the sugar and carbs that he knows he'll get if he refuses everything else.

There is also absolutely no reason for a three-year-old to be getting a bottle at bedtime. Needless calories and absolutely loads of sugar.

I found that changing how food looked and a no pressure approach worked well, as did using things like food colouring and leaving healthy food and snacks out for the kids to pick at when they wanted worked really well.

Think 'food styling' (e.g making food look like an animal or a picture), so that every time food is offered, it looks fantastic and super interesting to them.

Also use your imagination to adapt what you already know they will eat. E.g you know DC likes ice lollies, so make your own with fresh fruit and yoghurt etc (or better yet, get DC to make some)

Op didn't said he has a bottle? He has milk before bed? Mine never liked warm milk particularly but I think that's fairly standard?

Healthy children don’t starve themselves

Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

@Sightlinesandsolutions

Healthy children don't starve themselves.

Make a GP appointment to make sure nothing underlying and if nothing found, present him with three balanced meals a day. If he doesn't eat, don't give him anything else either.

What you're giving him at the moment is not healthy or suitable, and there is every chance that he is just holding out for the sugar and carbs that he knows he'll get if he refuses everything else.

There is also absolutely no reason for a three-year-old to be getting a bottle at bedtime. Needless calories and absolutely loads of sugar.

OP I would highly recommend ignoring this completely unhelpful reply. My very fussy 3 three year old turned out to have ADHD and sensory issues. There are lots of other helpful replies though- good luck- it's really tough!

Mealtime hostage is a really good group on Facebook, lots of people in the same boat.

If he doesn't eat, don't give him anything else either.

Yeah, don't do this. This runs completely against all advice given by professionals such as dieticians and paediatricians and all you'll do here is create more problems.

One of my DC doesn't eat much and our dietician says this:

• don't make food a battle, it is only food

• offer a meal, allow a reasonable amount of time for it be eaten, and then take it away without comment

• don't persuade or bribe or beg, never ever give a punishment in relation to not eating

• the main meal of rhe day should have two courses, both given at the same time, with no conditions attached. So dinner and a piece of fruit or dinner and a yoghurt. The idea is that you're taking the control issue out of the equation and, in theory, the child gets enough calories across the two courses

• every meal should have 1-2 "safe" foods that you know your child will eat so there is never nothing suitable on their plate

• if nothing is eaten then nothing is eaten. Try and stretch to the next mealtime of you can but if your child seems particularly hungry or its going to be a long time until the next meal (e.g., from dinner until breakfast) then around 30-60mins after the rejected meal offer a basic snack, the break between the meal and the snack means they're not connected, it's separate

• two cups of milk (breakfast and evening) plus a good multivitamin can cover a lot of deficits

Op my son was similar that that age, until nearly 8. I used to secretly put omega 3,6 and 9 oil in his yoghurts or smoothie. At one point he only ate apples, wholemeal baps and yogurts. I had help from dietician and it didn’t really do anything. Over the years he got better, and now as a 13 year old he eats everything bar pasta dishes or soup.

My DS2 was like that. It’s really worrying and frustrating. I made sure I gave him multi vitamins and went for a really relaxed approach. What I found is meal times stressed him out. He liked eating alone and would eat more in front of the tv when he was distracted I think. He also liked to pick at food throughout the day rather than eating set meals. He is now 15 and I am no longer worried. He is still fuzzy but eats food from all food groups. He still prefers to decide when he eats.

And it’s absolutely not true that children won’t starve themselves!

I just wanted to point out that I said healthy children won't starve themselves, hence the suggestion to involve the GP to rule out anything untoward, whether physical or psychological. Healthy, active kids who run around and get plenty of fresh air will develop an appetite eventually and eat the food that's provided for them. I largely agree with everything @Clocktopus has said, though our tone is rather different, and I do think that parents who offer snacks etc. in lieu of proper food can actually be parenting their children towards fairly pathological eating habits.

Try not to worry too much (I know it's very hard not to). Just keep offering the things he will eat and once in a while write down what he eats over a whole week. It probably won't look too bad for a week.

My younger sister ate only bread and jam for about 6 months at that age. She was never hungry. She was perfectly healthy.

She is now a healthy woman in her 40s and eats normally (and has done since primary age).

There are loads and loads of people who struggle with food, eating and textures of food and people whose children struggle (I fall into the latter camp). They tend to keep quiet about it due to social judgement.