About my non eating child?

[Tenlittlepiggies]

I’m kind of despairing, my nearly 3 year old is so fussy with food it’s now verging on ridiculous.
He’ll currently only really eat dry things like crackers and crisps. He will sometimes eat just crackers for breakfast. He’ll occasionally eat an apple and sometimes peas. It’s becoming so stressful, as every meal time most of the food gets thrown away. We’re not a particularly well off family, so it’s really soul destroying to see all that perfectly good food being chucked in the bin.

Is anyone in a similar boat? He’ll eat sweet things like chocolate and mini marshmallows too and ice lollies.

But won’t eat sandwiches, cheese, pizza, wraps, pasta, any type of meat, he’s recently even gone off fish fingers and chicken dippers which he used to eat when we were desperate.

I would add my ds ate everything until 2 years then started not eating things

To add I’d also look at the Solid Starts Instagram. The lady has a son who has restricted eating and then two toddlers who eat anything. She talks with the help of dieticians and paediatricians about how she is working to overcome the older child’s restrictive eating.

I have another ds who is a great eater so its not a parenting thing that we give in/ gave in , for my ds it was a real issue and it is for many and all these that say they will eat if hungry , really have never been in our shoes , its very very different

My son is autistic and ARFID and only eats one food (plus water & vitamins). It's tough. But even the experts find this stuff really really hard to resolve, so don't beat yourself up about it, and just go with whatever works (aka food and calories go in without upset). These things are very slow and complex so I would definitely ask for help, but also realise there aren't always simple answers, so be kind to yourself and your family!

Read the book getting the little blighters to eat. Its written by a woman who has worked with many non eating kids and is calm and good.

I would recommend getting professional yelp if you can as it does sound bad. My 7 Yr old is a bit similar and has asd

One really important bit of advice is that research shows children need to be presented with foods many times before even trying them

A common mistake is to stop offering food they refuse but experts advice you just keep on offering as they go through phases. Also you may have to offer something 50 times before it is familiar and they will try it. This is backed by research.

Stay calm don't let then eat junk and don't force feed them

I have a v fussy kid so totally get this but it's also true that children get a lot of snacks and treats and they do need to be hungry enough to be willing to eat the savoury stuff. Otherwise a child with small appetite will take the sweet stuff and it will blunt their appetite

So. Don't allow what they see at mealtime to be totally stripped back. If they refuse marmite toast or fish fingers a couple of times you still can keep offering it calmly as part of other meals

My DS 8 is just like this. He will only eat a very limited menu. I was so upset and stressed at one point. He was 2 stone under weight for his age and clothes 4/5 hung from his tiny body. I gave up and asked for professional help. I rang my GP and I had to make a food diary with the calorie intake. They sent me to the hospital under consultant care. I've been told he has sensory issues. They also diagnosed him with PICA and have requested us to be seen by a child dietician. That's as far in the process as we are for now.

My grandmother used the egg carton method on her youngest son who was a picky eater.
Take an empty egg carton and put a variety of foods - a little in each egg cup. Say 5 raisins in one, two olives in second, four goldfish crackers in third, six peas in the 4th, etc. Then set it out and let them choose what they want to eat -- but only the amount in the cup. Do not refill. If they are still hungry after the raisins, they can choose goldfish, etc. Little by little replace the items with healthier choices (cheese cubes in place of marshmallows, etc).

My adult son has ASD, he wouldn't eat any 'wet' food as a child, neither would he eat different foods on a plate if they touched, so he had lots of small plates with the different components of the meal on each one(veg on one, potatoes on another, meat on yet another!). Neither would he eat with the family, so I always let him eat in his own room. If he has other quirks, it could be ASD. He is still super picky and won't eat some foods and some foods aren't allowed to be together on one plate, but he is very tall and also healthy. I would try to get him involved in making his own meals, I found that helped as he could see that his rules were being kept to, and there were so many 'rules'!

Have you seen this? sosapproachtofeeding.com/why-sos-approach-feeding/.
We see a lot of v picky kids - most have nd/ sensory issues. If he is anxious about food, it will, naturally make you anxious but he will then pick up on your anxiety and become more anxious about food. It's REALLY hard but try not to worry. An OT might be able to provide sensory advice and support.

Is he at nursery?
I still think you should report this to HV, GP and nursery so that it's recorded. He might need help, support, a diagnosis of Arfid or / and something sensory, and /or something like ASD later.

So much outdated ‘advice’ on this thread that can actually make things much worse. OP please be cautious on what you take from this thread. I’d recommend researching restrictive eating in children and taking advice from people who have actual qualified knowledge and experience of working with restrictive eaters. Children who have food fears WILL starve themselves if they are not given any of their safe foods.

I can recommend a book called ‘food refusal and avoidant eating in children’ by Gillian Harris and Elizabeth Shea. It explains a lot of reasons why some children are so restrictive and why some of the outdated advice you see on this thread will not work, and advice on what you can do going forwards.

It’s a long road though, I don’t think there is any quick resolution for this. I understand how frustrating and challenging it is as I have a 4 year old going through the same.

Definitely see a GP to check growth and any underlying issues etc just for reassurance. However so far I’ve found the NHS in my area, including dietician and paediatrician, are not really that knowledgeable on restrictive eating. My son’s speech and language therapist has had some training on this and has given me some advice in line with the book above, although they are not commissioned to actually provide this service!

As the parent of a child with extreme ARFID the most important thing you can do is not let it become a battle ground and don’t show your stress. Keep meal times relaxed no pressure.

Just to add there is some great advice on here too, that fits with the most up to date advice for restrictive eating. But you don’t know me any better than anyone else which is why I suggest the research and books.

My SS has ASD and won’t eat anything other than: toast, noodles, crisps and chicken nuggets and chips, literally won’t even try and would rather starve than eat anything else, when he was younger he used to eat loads but as he’s gotten older he’s gotten more restrictive. So we just feed him what he eats and that’s that, better than getting into food battles, used to really stress us all out.

My 3 year olds the exact same. He likes, chocolate crisps, toppings off pizzas, crackers or berries but that's it. Anything else is apparently disgusting. And he won't eat anything saucy. Sometimes he will eat rice... - _-

I have a 13yo with ARFID - it started when he was two.
Apart from the food issue, he is a remarkably lovely and chilled-out child, who can be taken anywhere as long as there is bread. Indian restaurants are ideal (naan, popadums, roti, paratha, chapatti, dip into some sauce soemtimes)

He ate a few more things like scrambled egg and cheese on toast until he was 5, but then limited further as school stress got to him - we managed to sort that out.

Over the last year he's coped remarkably well with everything and has even eaten some cheese on toast again, and tasted a dozen new things (didn't like any, but there we go).

A lad I knew with similar issues is now 21 and will drink orange juice, eat apples, and eat some meat, to go with the beige diet he had before, and try various other things. He's a lovely young man. And DP was pretty similar as a kid, mostly living on chips, until he hit 17 and decided to try to attract a girlfriend, so among other things taught himself to cook and eat a range of meals - he now enjoys all sorts of Michelin starred food, sushi, etc.

It's not the end of the world. Besides, it makes like much cheaper when you go to the ice-cream van and one child only wants an empty cone (free with any other purchase), or a bun from the hot dog stand.

Stop with the sweets, lollies, marshmallows and any other empty-calories junk food and junk drinks.

No snacks between meals.

Feed him modest child portions of the family meal at regular meal times. If he finishes and wants another helping, let him have more. do NOT tell him "good boy for eating up." If he says "I don't like tomatoes/ bread/ milk" you just nod. Don't beg, don't complain, don't offer any alternative. It's okay to leave food on the plate. Its okay to skip the whole meal .

If he leaves it, then at the end of the meal take the plate away with no comment whatever. No regrets, persuasion, "are you sure".

Sooner or later, a healthy active child will be hungry enough to eat some of what's on his plate at the next meal. The only reward is the food in his belly; Do NOT not praise or bribe or thank or reward him for eating up like a good boy. Don't threaten him with consequences of not eating (you'll be hungry/you won't grow big and strong )

Take his AND YOUR emotions out of meals and food. .

@Tenlittlepiggies

Oh and I forgot to add he has milk before bed with vitamin drops in.

I have a ridiculously fussy 12 year old. He has ASD and sensory issues which complicate it.

For my own peace of mind I also use vitamin drops, and I very often mix chocolate flavoured complan with milk and vanilla ice cream for a milkshake so that at least I know the bases are covered (vitamins and calories).

It's so so so hard. But every now and then something new will be acceptable to DS. he recently started tolerating grapes for example.

Best of luck.

I do have a rule that Ds has to try everything though- even if it is only licking it (or occasionally just smelling it). That got him to eat slightly less than a third of a single raspberry on Saturday. result!!

(Mind you, about 5 years ago the 'just lick it' technique also saw him bring up his breakfast on the carpet when he licked a slice of banana).

How’s your little one doing now ? ☺️

My 3 yr old son doesn't eat anything other than brown toast cookies crisp tucs and fries and breaded nuggets.....its so frustrating and upsetting im constantly throwing food away always adding different food for him to try aswell as what he will eat but he just throws it.....he use to eat cheerios with no milk but won't entertain them anymore....I've worked out if the texture is wet he will not go near it only if its dry and crunchy....he don't drink water or juice he just wants his cows milk and thats it im struggling so bad....I no he has autism as he can't communicate and ses very little the waiting list is 15 months so im just trying to do my best and learn on the way but its been very challenging anyone else similar?

It might be worth posting as a new thread on the SEN board.

In answer though, my almost 10 year old is much better than he was but it's been a really long road.

All of the advice on this thread is really good, I hope you find some ideas.

Good luck

My child is now diagnosed with ASD (she was diagnosed at age 12) and she was an incredibly limited eater. She absolutely wouldn't eat it "just because she was hungry" even as a baby. She was clinically underweight (to the extent of seeing paediatricians and dieticians) from about 18 months old. She had issues with texture that we knew about but now looking back it was more complex than I realised at the time. She now eats what looks like normal food but ONLY if it is exaclty right. She eats Spag Bol beef pie, steak, broccoli, peas, roast dinner... But ONLY if I cook them! When we eat out she may eats some chips but pretty much nothing else. She will eat a McD hamburger if pushed. She doesn't enjoy them but they are safe. She no longer qualifies as ARFID because she eats a relatively varied diet but she didn't eat lunch ever in school (now home ed) as she doesn't eat packed lunch and none of their hot food was acceptable.

Try and see a GP and a dietician, look up ARFID, offer what he will eat. Safe food is likely to be packaged because it is consistent and that's the key. Every time they eat the food they like it must be the same or it won't be ok. Don't be surprised if he goes off his favourite of all time and never eats it again. If you can get him to eat a Bourbon biscuit for the first time that is worth a party even though it's not spinach. Ignore the "he will eat if he is hungry" brigade.