Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

AIBU not to take the train with a newborn?

75 replies

georgarina · 15/08/2021 13:53

I have a 2-week-old and parents invited me to their house for the weekend. I can't drive this weekend and neither can they so would have to take the train 2 hours with her.

I thought about it and said I would love to but I'm not comfortable taking her on the train with covid. They clearly acted like they minded so I asked if they understood and they said not really. Basically they made me feel really bad about it - on top of me actually wanting to go so I felt doubly bad staying home.

AIBU?

OP posts:

Frazzled2207 · 15/08/2021 15:50

I would not be going anywhere at all with a 2 week old regardless of covid. I remember going to Sainsbury’s for the first time when my baby was about 2 weeks and it seeming a triumph.
I can’t imagine getting on a train with all the newborn paraphernalia

beigebrownblue · 15/08/2021 16:00

Perhaps travel light and give grandparents a list by text of things you would need them to have in?

godmum56 · 15/08/2021 16:02

I would think that bonkers without covid.

Mamamamasaurus · 15/08/2021 16:12

The only Unreasonable ones here are your parents. Selfish, self centred and ridiculous.

NigellaSeed · 15/08/2021 16:29

@SeatoSki summed it up perfectly really. Bleeding, sitting on stitches, feeding, nappies...I'd be holding a grudge against any family that expected that of me to be honest

Whatafustercluck · 15/08/2021 16:35

As others have said, it's a big ask of a new mum regardless of Covid, I'd be asking them to come to you and I'm surprised they've not offered to travel to see you.

JLQ1020 · 15/08/2021 16:37

I wouldn't be traveling anywhere 2 hours away with a 2 week old. Even up to 8 weeks. Covid or no covid. Reason being if you have had a perfectly healthy labour no stitches etc you have a huge wound inside you from the placenta and this needs time to heal. You are more vulnerable to infection of all kinds as well as the stress and worry of a new born.
They are not being reasonable. You are very much being sensible and reasonable.

FrankButchersDickieBow · 15/08/2021 16:40

www.google.com/amp/s/amp.theguardian.com/world/2021/aug/02/no-traces-of-coronavirus-found-in-tests-at-major-english-railway-stations

Yabu regarding Covid risk. Yanbu because you had a baby 2 weeks ago and a 2hr train ride would not be ideal carrying luggage etc.

gwenneh · 15/08/2021 17:09

@FrankButchersDickieBow

www.google.com/amp/s/amp.theguardian.com/world/2021/aug/02/no-traces-of-coronavirus-found-in-tests-at-major-english-railway-stations

Yabu regarding Covid risk. Yanbu because you had a baby 2 weeks ago and a 2hr train ride would not be ideal carrying luggage etc.

This is fairly irrelevant as the baby isn't coming in contact with those surfaces -- 2 weeks is a bit small to start licking everything in sight. OP is quite right to be concerned about the risks from being in an enclosed space with other passengers.

Again, it's not about (just) covid, it's about picking up any illness. Even a plain cold is a misery with a newborn and it's not her parents that will have to sit up with the baby, it's her.

Tinpotspectator · 15/08/2021 17:11

Even travelling by train with a newborn of 2 weeks is stressful, never mind covid.

Sylvvie · 15/08/2021 17:14

I wouldn't go on the train with a 2 week old newborn, covid or no! TheyABVU!!

Cornwallnewbie · 15/08/2021 17:15

Many years ago I took my 3 week old on a long journey (from London to Scotland) on the train to see my parents. What can I say, I was young and stupid and didn’t think it through. The train was packed, I was breastfeeding, I couldn’t really eat or go to the loo. It was awful. So no you are not unreasonable and doubly not unreasonable because of Covid.

JustLyra · 15/08/2021 17:25

No-one should be snarky toward the mother of a 2 week old baby if she doesn't want to travel for 2 hours, regardless of method or reason.

Mallo11 · 15/08/2021 17:33

YANBU - not so much covid, just because I couldn’t be arsed.

DS constantly pooping as a baby as well, always guzzling milk and had the nappies to show for it - that would have been hard on a train

misskatamari · 15/08/2021 17:33

I wouldn't be shifting ANYWHERE with a two week old baby! Never mind going on a train for two hours. Anyone who thinks badly of you for this is being utterly selfish and can fuck right off

MindyStClaire · 15/08/2021 17:43

YANBU at all, there's no way I would've been up to that after two weeks. Covid might actually help in this instance as at least the trains would be quieter! But why on earth would anyone ask this of a woman who recently had a baby, especially a first baby.

They should absolutely be coming to you, and if they genuinely can't for some reason, then it'll just have to wait a little longer.

MindyStClaire · 15/08/2021 17:48

@22Giraffes

I don't really see the problem with getting on a train with a newborn, be flexible with the time you can travel so that you can aim for baby to be fed before the journey.

I know the consensus on MN is that new mothers shouldn't lift a finger but on some threads I can't help thinking just get on with it!

I think you maybe just need to realise you were fortunate both in terms of your own physical recovery and mental health, and also the baby you had.

I'm very resilient, generally cope well with most things, very much a get on with things type of person. But two weeks after my first baby was born I was still recovering from my EMCS (indeed I think two weeks was when my incision got a minor infection), establishing breastfeeding (juuuust over the worst of the cracked nipples) and had a baby with silent reflux (didn't know that yet though!) who only slept on me and certainly not at night. None of that is in the slightest bit unusual.

It does women no favours to expect them to go from the delivery suite back to normal life just with a baby in tow. It's definitely unreasonable to expect a woman who's two weeks post partum to be putting herself out while you wait in your house.

LammasFires · 15/08/2021 18:21

I think you maybe just need to realise you were fortunate both in terms of your own physical recovery and mental health, and also the baby you had.

Yes, I was trotting around with a baby in a sling, a 40L backpack and a changing bag on the railways when DC was new.
I was very fit and healthy, pregnancy had been a doddle.
My labour had been less than 5 hours from start to finish, no stitches and my baby slept 8+ hours at a stretch. Likewise, feeding took about 20 minutes and she was a placid child.
I didn’t share any of this with my NCT class or other mothers because it probably would have pissed them off mightily.

Everyone is different, motherhood is very hard at all stages and the OP should be being appreciated and pampered by her parents instead of them being a cause of stress.

MummyGummy · 15/08/2021 19:31

You’re parents are definitely BU.

I was up and about doing too much too soon after DC1 as I thought I just had to get on with it and my physical recovery took over a year. Second time round I vowed to rest as much as possible for the first 4-6 weeks to allow my body time to heal, certainly no train journeys carrying a newborn & luggage!

Why can’t your parents hop on a train to visit you? If you’ve no room for them they could book a hotel nearby. They should be making all the effort and helping support you, not making your life more difficult!

Original poster

georgarina · 15/08/2021 19:58

Thanks all. The idea was that they would have us over so we could relax- they have a garden and lots of outside space that I don't have so would have been nice. The only reason I didn't was because of covid and the restrictions lifting. Still not sure but I just didn't like the way they just acted annoyed and shut down the conversation. Surely even if they thought there wasn't a risk you can be understanding with someone who's just had a baby and is unsure.

OP posts:

Scarby9 · 15/08/2021 20:05

Plenty of non-Covid reasons not to make a 2 hour train journey with a tiny baby!

rainyskylight · 15/08/2021 20:10

Not just covid.... I wouldn’t want a two week old subjected to general public transport germs at that age. Your DC is so tiny!!!

At 2 weeks PP I was still hobbling and counted it a triumph to walk to the shop and back. Two hours on a train... plus all the train palaver.... probably no changing facilities... disgusting train loo even if there are facilities. God no.

Plumtree391 · 15/08/2021 20:20

What rainysky said - plus feeding.

Perhaps your parents can arrange some door to door transport for you - unlikely I suppose but it would be fine to sit in the back of a comfortable car. We can dream.

I must say I didn't want to go out for quite a while after having a baby. At that time I was just around the corner to shops but it was still a great effort. I had had an easy pregnancy, labour and birth so I don't know why but that is how it was for a few weeks. I'd only do it if it was absolutely essential and there was no alternative. Thankfully it didn't last. However that's just me, everyone is different.

Congratulations on the birth of your baby and - look after yourself.

luciasanta · 15/08/2021 20:22

Absolutely, OP! They should have been understanding.

hemhem · 15/08/2021 20:22

I did a long train journey with DC1 at 9 weeks old, it was fine but was planned with military effort. By then I had healed from birth and feeding was going well/predictable. I did a short train journey at 3 weeks but it was just a day trip to see friends, 40mins on a local quiet train and my DH came too so we had no problem carrying the pram on and off the train. I wouldn't have done it alone or with a younger baby, this was years ago so no anxiety about covid just general germphobia with a newborn!

Flip

1 2 3