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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU not to take the train with a newborn?

75 replies

georgarina · 15/08/2021 13:53

I have a 2-week-old and parents invited me to their house for the weekend. I can't drive this weekend and neither can they so would have to take the train 2 hours with her.

I thought about it and said I would love to but I'm not comfortable taking her on the train with covid. They clearly acted like they minded so I asked if they understood and they said not really. Basically they made me feel really bad about it - on top of me actually wanting to go so I felt doubly bad staying home.

AIBU?

OP posts:

EatYourVegetables · 15/08/2021 14:37

When DS1 was 2 weeks old, “a trip” was to the living room and back to the bedroom. We first ventured out to the park around then, and then to the BFing group for advice. When DD2 was 2 weeks old I was a super confident experienced parent so we went out to drop DS at nursery and went to the local cafe.

No way would I have taken a train for 2h, purely for comfort reasons.

mynameisbrian · 15/08/2021 14:37

it depends on how you feel in yourself. After my first i took my 4 week old on a 5hr trip to scotland. I couldnt wait to see my family and the trip was easy with a new born who slept and fed during the journey.

However you need to be ready for that in yourself, I wouldnt have managed any trip when I have DC2 , 3 or 4. So folks would have to come to me.

I appreciate covid concerns but that will be an issue wherever you are.

Ponoka7 · 15/08/2021 14:38

"There is less risk of Covid transmission from 1 adult carry a child on a train versus 2 adults travelling on the train. Plus you know you’d be very careful about hygiene while on the train, would they be as careful?"

You aren't instantly infectious if you pick up Covid. It's after day three when it's built up in your system, you have enough of a viral load to pass it on.

OP, you shouldn't be under any obligation to travel on public transport at two weeks pp, without Covid thrown into the mix.

ImAddictedToMyPhone · 15/08/2021 14:38

2 weeks old. You're still bleeding & sleep deprived. I wouldn't!

ImAddictedToMyPhone · 15/08/2021 14:39

Congratulations on your new baby though ❤

Doomscrolling · 15/08/2021 14:40

Good Lord, anything more than half an hour felt beyond me at that stage. Your parents are being very unreasonable to expect it if you.

Wolframhart · 15/08/2021 14:41

Even without Covid, people generally visit families with newborns. You shouldn’t be asked to travel with a 2 week old while still recovering from childbirth yourself.

22Giraffes · 15/08/2021 14:42

I don't really see the problem with getting on a train with a newborn, be flexible with the time you can travel so that you can aim for baby to be fed before the journey.

I know the consensus on MN is that new mothers shouldn't lift a finger but on some threads I can't help thinking just get on with it!

TwinkleTwinkle11 · 15/08/2021 14:54

At 2 weeks I hadn't even left the house, couldn't imagine doing a train journey.
Don't feel bad at all, they should have came to you tbh.

girlmom21 · 15/08/2021 14:57

@Macncheeseballs

Why is driving so much better?

You can stop whenever you want. You can put all your belongings in the boot rather than having to drag them around/leaving them unattended if you need the toilet etc. You don't need to worry about an upset baby disturbing other passengers. You can feed baby privately. You don't need to worry about connections/waiting on freezing cold platforms. The journey may be much quicker via car.

gwenneh · 15/08/2021 14:58

YANBU. It's not their life that will be disrupted if your child is unwell, it's yours. The risks of becoming ill may be fairly minimal, but why take a risk you don't have to take?

Even if the baby catches a mild cold and not covid, it's still hell to nurse them through it especially while you're still recovering from giving birth.

RedMarauder · 15/08/2021 14:59

I travelled around with my 2 week old and using public transport was easier than driving due to sleep deprivation.

However the PP is right - family visit you with a newborn not the other way round.

tickledtiger · 15/08/2021 15:11

It was a few weeks before I felt like travelling anywhere with my baby. I could have done it I just didn’t want to. Lots of upheaval for me.

Plus it’s more normal for family to visit you not the other way around isn’t it?

gogohm · 15/08/2021 15:21

I did (at 11 days) 3 hours including the tube across London, but was many moons ago. I wouldn't have an issue now on intercities but wouldn't fancy commuter trains that are a lot busier

SeaToSki · 15/08/2021 15:22

Can you imagine trying a train loo with post partum bleeding and a newborn in a pram or sling? Quite apart from being new at bf or trying to heat formula, sleep deprived, potentially sitting on stitches or not even getting a seat, baby screaming and still in the stage of trying to work out why they are screaming.

And then to add to that, potential poonamis and dealing with vomit, the likelihood of bursting into tears for no reason as you hormones are still all over the place and then here will be the ‘helpful’ comments from the person sitting 2 mm away from you

I think if a train trip is needed, your parents should be doing it.

beigebrownblue · 15/08/2021 15:22

I would think if you felt able to as long as you travel off peak and avoid crowded times this is doable.

Macncheeseballs · 15/08/2021 15:23

Girlmom- impressive driving skills if you can drive and feed at the same time

Serenschintte · 15/08/2021 15:23

There is no way (even pre Covid) I would have got on a long train journey with a newborn at two weeks. Maybe at three months. You need to rest and enjoy your baby. Not be stressed on a train.

gogohm · 15/08/2021 15:24

I admit I am not the best example because I relocated across the globe when dd was 6 weeks flying alone, babies are very portable it turns out

RubyGoat · 15/08/2021 15:27

Have they said why they can't take the train to you?

Bunnycat101 · 15/08/2021 15:27

At 2 weeks I wouldn’t have done a 2 hour journey train or car. With my first my 2 week old wasn’t feeding abs with both I was bleeding heavily.

LammasFires · 15/08/2021 15:28

I travelled up and down the country on trains with my newborn, and we were fine.
But that was me. My choice.

That said, it’s entirely your decision and whatever you want to do is your business and no one else’s. If your parents are bothered, they take the train and book a hotel, but they should be supporting you 100%.
It’s not you that should be feeling guilty and embarrassed.

NigellaSeed · 15/08/2021 15:30

Wtf! They are being so unreasonable! Why the hell would the new mum and baby be the ones to travel?? Covid or no covid. That's crazy.

Don't you dare lift a finger for them

ForensicFlossy · 15/08/2021 15:42

I would have done with mine. I would pick an off peak train, sit back and relax! Much easier than driving with a new born. I took a 2 1/2 hour flight with 5 week old. You get to relax and cuddle baby whilst someone is in charge of the transport.

girlmom21 · 15/08/2021 15:47

@Macncheeseballs

Girlmom- impressive driving skills if you can drive and feed at the same time

I know you're trying to be awkward for your own entertainment or something weird but it's clearly very easy to pull over at a convenient location in a car. Not so much on a train...

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