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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be a bit upset by my family?

55 replies

Bumbleumbo · 15/08/2021 12:00

Not sure if I’m being a bit sensitive, so wanted to ask how other people might feel in this situation?…

I speak to my mum at least twice a week, usually an hour or more on the phone. Since the start of the pandemic we’ve been speaking about arranging a family holiday to include my mum, step dad, sister and her DS and DP, plus myself and two DC. Obviously lockdown plans put a stop to any overseas travel, so earlier this year we talked about booking something in the UK.

Shortly after Boris announced the lifting of restrictions my sister called to say, btw we’ve booked a holiday to Devon. Basically, they had gone ahead and booked a 6 birth caravan at a popular holiday park. She went on to say ‘you’re welcome to book the same dates before adding that I’d need to book my own caravan for two DC’s and I (DM was whispering in the background at this point telling her to add that 8 of us in one accommodation would be too cramped). DSis sent me over the details but the price per caravan had already risen by almost £300, so £1500 for the week. I found out they had booked the week before telling me.

So in summary, DSis and her partner are sharing with my parents at £600 per family, plus all sharing one car. Whilst I was expected to pay £1500 for a 6 birth caravan plus petrol. The separate booking might have also meant being placed in a separate part of the park and tbh I feel as though we were a bit of an afterthought otherwise they would have included me in the planning. An 8 birth caravan would have allowed us all to holiday together, though I get things can be cramped in this style of accommodation.

AIBU to feel a bit left out? DSis is now posting insta updates, titled ‘family time’ which stings a bit after such a shit year. I’ve booked my own holiday with DC but it would have been nice to have gone with my family as originally planned.

OP posts:
Disfordarkchocolate · 15/08/2021 12:05

I'd be a bit upset too but honestly, 8 in a caravan is hell no matter how many people it should fit.

Enjoy your holiday, it will be far less stressful only have to please your own family.

Returnoftheowl · 15/08/2021 12:07

I'd be upset, it sounds like you're an after thought.

DrManhattan · 15/08/2021 12:08

That have acted in a very mean way. They could have included you and discussed before it was booked.

Alternista · 15/08/2021 12:08

No, you’re not unreasonable to feel a bit hurt, they were thoughtless.

Do you think you’ll talk to them about it?

WTF475878237NC · 15/08/2021 12:10

I would be upset too. 8 people sounds like a nightmare but there should have been discussions about this altogether.

Luannee · 15/08/2021 12:10

Hmm. Is there any reason they might not want to share a caravan with you?

Are your kids particularly "spirited"?

Hekatestorch · 15/08/2021 12:12

Do you think they booked first because they knew you felt 8 in a caravan was fine?

SchrodingersImmigrant · 15/08/2021 12:12

I don't think they wanted you there...

FortVictoria · 15/08/2021 12:13

You’re not unreasonable to feel upset and excluded, but I think you have swerved a hellish trip here! Your holiday will probably be much nicer!

fringeneedsatrim · 15/08/2021 12:17

It's a bit of a shitty way to do things. If it was my family we'd have spoken about it before booking, booked 2 caravans at the same time and equally split the cost between the adults going.

Summertime21 · 15/08/2021 12:20

Df and dsis did this to me, we declined to join them as we're an obvious after thought. Enjoy your holiday

AtrociousCircumstance · 15/08/2021 12:22

Yes that’s hurtful. Tell them how you feel and ask them why they went about it like that. Maybe ask your mum first.

But you’ll probably enjoy your own holiday much more.

Bumbleumbo · 15/08/2021 12:26

@Luannee

Hmm. Is there any reason they might not want to share a caravan with you?

Are your kids particularly "spirited"?

Not really. My girls are really quiet and easy going as am I. They would have loved a week with their cousin too, as they’re all close in ages and get on great.

I get that we’d probably need extra space which is why I originally suggested (in March) that we book a big lodge with 4 bedrooms, multiple bathrooms etc (plus much higher spec for the same price as two caravans!)

Seeing their updates today, they’ve hired a small boat so I guess that might have been trickier with a larger party size. I’m switching off notifications now as it’s upsetting me more than I thought it would.

OP posts:
Angryfrommanchester1 · 15/08/2021 12:30

Yes it’s a. It underhand off you’d all discussed and agreed something before hand.
I’d actually tell them too.... I have experience of this kind of dynamic in the family and it’s very unpleasant to be the ones left out. Yes the kids will realise too as they get older.

NotMyCircusNotMyProblem · 15/08/2021 12:31

I think it's rather mean spirited of them and you're right to feel hurt about it all but, I also think you've dodged a bullet here because 8 in a caravan is no fun whatsoever.

FetchezLaVache · 15/08/2021 12:32

I think they were not only rude to exclude you from the booking decision, but bonkers not to go with your suggestion of getting a big lodge between you all!

isthisareverse · 15/08/2021 12:33

YANBU to be left out, it was mean.

I wouldn't bother trying to go with them, let them bicker in a too small caravan and make your own plans.

If you do care for your parents, why not booking a holiday with them next year. You don't need your sister.

SoundBar · 15/08/2021 12:34

How horrible. They are excluding you. Nasty. Does DSis or DM have history of this type of behaviour? So sorry OP.

QueenBee52 · 15/08/2021 12:34

Wave them off...

enjoy your own break elsewhere 🌸

DysmalRadius · 15/08/2021 12:36

That's so unkind! I'm not surprised you're feeling left out and it's really cruel of them to talk about this amazing holiday then book it without you and only half invite you as an afterthought. I'm so sorry for you - it's very hurtful.

ellenpartridge · 15/08/2021 12:37

YANBU this is nasty. 8 in a caravan sounds horrendous but if you suggested a nice big lodge earlier on then I think they should have included you and found something more along those lines to include you all, or all book at the same time in separate neighbouring caravans or something but I would want to be doing the planning together not just be told as an after thought

DiscoGlitterBall · 15/08/2021 12:43

Given your conversation I think this is really mean and would have been a conscious decision that your DM has been involved in. If your sister the golden child?

I might take a step back from such an intensive relationship with your mum and watch out for the ‘we will do the same with you in x y or z.’

Go and enjoy your holiday, ignore their fb posts and to be fair I’d limit your fb posts whilst away so they can’t see what you’re up to.

Unsure33 · 15/08/2021 12:49

Yes that is hurtful tbh . But if they are going to be like that then you are better off on your own .have a lovely holiday doing what you want without trying to please everyone else

TheSloaneRanger · 15/08/2021 12:53

That's really sneaky of them TBH
Make other plans without them if you can

Bumbleumbo · 15/08/2021 13:27

@SoundBar

How horrible. They are excluding you. Nasty. Does DSis or DM have history of this type of behaviour? So sorry OP.
Thinking about it yes. It’s not the first time I’ve been left out of family plans and I’m beginning to realise that I always try to justify it to make myself feel less shit.

The holiday I’ve booked for DC and I will be lovely I’m sure. It’s just not that fun as a single adult.

OP posts:
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