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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be a bit upset by my family?

55 replies

Bumbleumbo · 15/08/2021 12:00

Not sure if I’m being a bit sensitive, so wanted to ask how other people might feel in this situation?…

I speak to my mum at least twice a week, usually an hour or more on the phone. Since the start of the pandemic we’ve been speaking about arranging a family holiday to include my mum, step dad, sister and her DS and DP, plus myself and two DC. Obviously lockdown plans put a stop to any overseas travel, so earlier this year we talked about booking something in the UK.

Shortly after Boris announced the lifting of restrictions my sister called to say, btw we’ve booked a holiday to Devon. Basically, they had gone ahead and booked a 6 birth caravan at a popular holiday park. She went on to say ‘you’re welcome to book the same dates before adding that I’d need to book my own caravan for two DC’s and I (DM was whispering in the background at this point telling her to add that 8 of us in one accommodation would be too cramped). DSis sent me over the details but the price per caravan had already risen by almost £300, so £1500 for the week. I found out they had booked the week before telling me.

So in summary, DSis and her partner are sharing with my parents at £600 per family, plus all sharing one car. Whilst I was expected to pay £1500 for a 6 birth caravan plus petrol. The separate booking might have also meant being placed in a separate part of the park and tbh I feel as though we were a bit of an afterthought otherwise they would have included me in the planning. An 8 birth caravan would have allowed us all to holiday together, though I get things can be cramped in this style of accommodation.

AIBU to feel a bit left out? DSis is now posting insta updates, titled ‘family time’ which stings a bit after such a shit year. I’ve booked my own holiday with DC but it would have been nice to have gone with my family as originally planned.

OP posts:

cakeseeker · 15/08/2021 13:45

What arseholes. I'm sorry OP, that must really sting. At least you'll have a lovely holiday without any of their head games

PumpkinPie2016 · 15/08/2021 13:50

YANBU it was unkind of them to go behind your back and book without saying anything until later.

If they were worried about having 8 in a caravan (which to be fair, I can understand), why did they not discuss it first and agree to book 2 smaller ones or two 6 berth and split the cost? That way, you could all have made use of the extra space.

Have a lovely holiday with your children

Sunshineshow · 15/08/2021 13:55

That’s really unkind and I would tell them how hurt you are. Don’t cover it up or pretend your ok. Say to your mum and sister that it was a really unkind way to behave and you are very upset and disappointed by them and leave it there. Don’t entertain the but but buts. They could have discussed it with you and it was a rotten thing to do especially to your kids.

I hope they all get the shits in their tiny caravan.

Notaroadrunner · 15/08/2021 14:07

I wouldn't 'like' or comment on any of their holiday posts. Bloody bastards. When you go on holidays with your dc don't send a single photo or message while away, and block them from seeing any of your social media posts. What they did was not nice and I'd never engage in a conversation about a joint holiday again. I wouldn't waste my hard earned money to spend the time with them. I bet they'd have pawned their dc off on you if you did manage to get your own caravan, leaving the other adults in one caravan and you minding the kids in yours.

QueenBee52 · 15/08/2021 15:05

I bet they'd have pawned their dc off on you if you did manage to get your own caravan, leaving the other adults in one caravan and you minding the kids in yours.

SPOT ON ... I think they would too 🌸

RowanAlong · 15/08/2021 21:29

Yes that does sound odd, as if you’ve been having one conversation with your mum about a family holiday, but she’s not been honest with you about what she really wants. And now has been slightly underhand. I think you need to tell her you don’t understand what’s going on! Communication broken down here. Hope you can repair that!

CatchThatCat · 15/08/2021 21:39

I think this was especially unkind when you are on your own as your mum could have made you the priority here, I know I would if I had one child managing DC alone as you could do with family around.
I think you should both rise above it and have a lovely holiday of your own if you can but also gently tell your parents how it made you feel , as it seems really thoughtless to leave you out

DingDongDenny · 15/08/2021 21:46

Has your sister always been the golden child and do they have a closer relationship with your neice than your DC?

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 15/08/2021 21:51

If youd spoken about it with then OPthen yes that's cruel and I think you need to ask them why they booked x when youd even discussing y

Fullofglee · 15/08/2021 21:58

I think the fact you considered the caravan for 8 being fine is the problem it sounds a nightmare. We went to Haven as a family of 5, my dbro a family of 3, my parents, auntie and my other dbro who invited his then partner. We had our own separate carvans 3 in total that gave us our personal space, one of my dbros and partner shared with my dps at no extra cost and had food paid for I didn't think it was unfair just one of those things.

Molly333 · 15/08/2021 22:03

If it were me i would say i feel upset and that there has been a lack of consideration through this with the added upset of seeing it flouted over the internet . Then I would go quiet and let them respond. I fear if you say nothing things like this will happen again . I also suspect when you say how u feel , u will feel better . Do not enter into an argument, do not apologise or change yr viewpoint, just have your say and with draw a bit . They deserve to know how this has excluded u and how hurt u feel . Goid luck

Lou898 · 15/08/2021 22:13

It does seem a bit off, however holidays with so many often can turn out to be a bit of a nightmare with people being coerced into going places or doing things to suit others. I would imagine this would have probably happened in this scenario with sis making plans and either not including you or just expecting you to want to do what had been planned. I think you would have had a disappointing holiday if you’d gone.
Really hope you have a fantastic time doing what you have planned and don’t forget to post on Instagram 😜

Stevearnottsbeard · 15/08/2021 22:21

I'm sure you'll have a much better time without them. That was very mean, nasty and uncalled for behaviour. Turn off your notifications and block them so they don't get chance to see you enjoying yourselves. Answer any questions with short brief answers, great time, best holiday ever etc

nanbread · 15/08/2021 22:26

YANBU, we've been subject to the same and it's made me very angry in the past x

tootiredtospeak · 15/08/2021 22:31

I dont know we have literally just done this so PIL and SIL in 1 property paid £500 each and us in same size property paid 1k just for us. I didnt really think too much of it as the extra meant we didnt have to share. I think it's always best to be honest in these situations and just express how you feel. So when they get back say I am glad you had a good time we would have loved to come but couldn't afford to pay a caravan on our own when you guys split the costs. Next time lets discuss it before you book see what can be sorted out. If they dont do this and just book again then their dicks and you know where you stand.

StrangeToSee · 15/08/2021 22:32

8 in a caravan sounds very oppressive, especially with 2 extra kids. Is your sister’s child younger/older than your 2? Do they spend more time as a unit eg live near each other?

It’s hurtful but sounds like they wanted to holiday by themselves for whatever reason, or booked it then realised it would be too small eg extra kids waking people up early, more people using the bathroom and kitchen etc.

Do you usually get on well?

worriedatthemoment · 15/08/2021 22:55

I would be upset but agree 6 in a caravan is tight but then we have booked on a caravan site a lodge for 8 which has 4 bedrooms , 2 doubles and 2 twin plus 2 bathrooms which is for 8 and a lot larger than a caravan but only slightly more and if it was being split 3 ways would be ok

worriedatthemoment · 15/08/2021 22:57

I think if it was me I would also have to tell my mum how hurt i felt about it as wel

Disneyblue · 15/08/2021 22:59

Yea I'd be very annoyed.
Annoyed enough not to bother to be honest.

Howshouldibehave · 15/08/2021 23:05

I think an 8 berth would have been a bit of a nightmare with your configuration of guests as well. Would you have shared bunk beds/twin room/double room with her DS?

Cherrysoup · 15/08/2021 23:17

Unkind of them, but having just discovered the joys of Airbnb, I’d say £1.5K is crazy for a week in a bloody caravan! Go on your holiday that you’ve booked and post loads about how amazing it is. Is your sister the golden child?

Original poster

Bumbleumbo · 16/08/2021 09:08

@Cherrysoup

I completely agree! The place I’ve booked is far better - a spacious lodge with a comfy kingsize bed and luxury linen, plus a hot tub with sea views. Not much difference in price, plus as others have said, we we don’t have follow their plans, meal schedules or put up with the inevitable bickering. The entertainment is limited, compared to say a Haven but I don’t really fancy sitting in a packed clubhouse watching a mediocre tribute act as a single adult!

And yes, my sister is the golden child I suppose.

OP posts:

Howshouldibehave · 16/08/2021 09:11

@Bumbleumbo how would the bedrooms work with your three households in an 8-berth?

TopBlogger · 16/08/2021 09:13

Your mum sounds very immature whispering things to say in the background. What a stirrer

IggyAce · 16/08/2021 09:29

Honestly I’d be grateful not to be at a haven type place. Two separate friends have been away with family to two different caravan parks (one a haven site another attached to a popular tourist attraction) upon return they & several other members of the family have tested positive for covid.
Your holiday sounds like it will be amazing and definitely much more comfortable holiday accommodation. I’d get practicing with my camera and spam your social media with loads of photos. Make sure you take some treats so you can pamper yourself on an evening once dcs are in bed.

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