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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that ‘food for fun until they are one’ isn’t really meant to be taken literally

79 replies

ElderflowerRose · 15/08/2021 07:41

It isn’t (surely) literally true that babies need nothing but milk until their first birthday, is it?

Or if it is true, why don’t we start weaning at around 9/10 months not 6?

My ds isn’t engaging with weaning at all and if I hear the above again I might just scream!

OP posts:
MrsKoala · 15/08/2021 10:25

There isn't the sharing of experience between the generations anymore.

I don’t really agree with that necessarily, I think the problem is that the advice is so different and conflicting to previous generations that sharing is often worse and confusing.

My parents advice from the 60s and 70s was completely out of date and often dangerous - sleep on the tummy, leave to cry, only breastfeed every 4 hours even if the baby is screaming, wean at 3 months, rusks in bottles at 2 months...

None of which I did but my Mum and all that generation of Aunts etc were adamant was right and were very dismissive of any recent advice or data. Which means when you are already anxious or struggling it adds another layer of self doubt.

Original poster
ElderflowerRose · 15/08/2021 10:27

Yes, I’m not convinced an army of women born between 1950 and 1965 is quite what we need here!

OP posts:
MinesAPintOfTea · 15/08/2021 10:33

If your main worry is iron levels, rather than calories and learning about eating, it might be best to speak to your health visitor about whether supplemental iron is appropriate.

A lot of DC won’t be eating foods that are rich in iron anyway.

Horizon44 · 15/08/2021 10:33

I remember saying this to my GP in Australia and he was really confused by it. It's a phrase I've only seen on UK sites but I did take it to mean nutrition other than milk isn't important before one. My 9 month old wasn't taking to food at all at the time and I hadn't been concerned until the doctor told me I absolutely should be a bit concerned and she definitely did need to be taking in more than the occasional lick of a vegetable!

Original poster
ElderflowerRose · 15/08/2021 10:36

Yes, that’s what worries me too. But how is difficult! I am speaking to the HV this week but I don’t know if she’ll be able to give me much info bar the ‘have you considered baby led weaning’ arrghhh.

OP posts:
DeflatedGinDrinker · 15/08/2021 10:41

If my EBF 1 year old nephew just had breast milk I think he'd die he eats loads.

MinesAPintOfTea · 15/08/2021 10:41

You can ask about supplements specifically rather than just a general “baby weaning” script. And if there are any failing to thrive signs, go and speak to his gp.

Presumably you have tried purees and put him in his high chair to watch you eat at every mealtime already? But 8 months is still early on the eating front.

Original poster
ElderflowerRose · 15/08/2021 10:46

Yes, I had a thread yesterday, it’s difficult as the high chair upsets him. I think it’s just been a negative experience so unfortunately have to undo that.

To be fair he is a wriggly, chubby cheeked smiley baby so I think he’s fine but whenever we are out with other babies they eat loads! Possibly he’s just friends with very good eaters!

OP posts:
EatYourVegetables · 15/08/2021 10:51

Is he not eating at all, or just very little?

Both my kids started at 5-6 mo, very happy to play with food / gum it / eat but realistically not much going in until 9 mo, then suddenly around 9 mo started eating decent meals.

You could try feeding in a buggy / cafe / your lap if the high chair is problematic? Or let him play in the high chair a few times before offering food again? The HV will definitely have more strategies!!

Original poster
ElderflowerRose · 15/08/2021 10:58

Possibly, but I think it’s just become so horrible. He sometimes will have a taste of something but it is like a baby sized spoon, then not interested. He often gets distressed when he sees it is time for a meal.

OP posts:
FlaviaAlbiaWantsLangClegBack · 15/08/2021 11:11

I didn't really do BLW with eldest DS, I tried but got nowhere then fed him Ella's kitchen and jarred food as he gagged on anything chunkier until he was older. He'd had a tongue tie clipped and I think maybe it wasn't fully resolved until he grew a bit and then all of a sudden he could seem to manage it.

He probably had more fruit and veg and vitamins in those packets than my younger DS who took to BLW much more easily. He eats pretty much anything now so it hasn't affected him longterm!

FlaviaAlbiaWantsLangClegBack · 15/08/2021 11:13

I used to give DS the fruit and veg Ellat kitchens to suck himself in the pram. Maybe just let him sit in the high chair and play with toys or crayons during mealtimes for a while until he gets over his adversion?

Original poster
ElderflowerRose · 15/08/2021 11:15

That’s the thing, he doesn’t like the high chair. Poor baby.

OP posts:
Cosybelles · 15/08/2021 11:18

If it's becoming stressful and upsetting for you both, nothing you do will help, other than de-stressing the situation. Three times per day, pop him in the high chair and put some food on the tray. Leave him to it, ignore him, do not encourage it. Give him a bit of time to explore it, then take it away after 10-15 minutes. Eventually he should stop associating food with stress and will be able to try things, if you make these session totally relaxed and calm.

Cosybelles · 15/08/2021 11:19

He's not fond of the high chair - try sitting him on a blanket in the kitchen with some food in front of him? Try a Tripp Trapp chair?

Original poster
ElderflowerRose · 15/08/2021 11:21

Sorry, I know there are things to do but I have tried pretty much all the standard suggestions. I’ve decided to pause the process and I’m hoping he’ll eat at nursery which he starts in two weeks.

OP posts:
MrsKoala · 15/08/2021 11:21

Have you tried a picnic blanket with some toys some bowls of food etc and you sit and play and eat too? That might take the anxiety away from the high chair. Mine often ate on my lap from my plate also.

dontyouworrydontyouworrynow · 15/08/2021 11:23

People take it far too literally. It's meant to reassure parents whose babies don't take to food with gusto and eat 3 meals a day at 6-7 months (which most don't!). But from 6m babies do need some food, particularly iron rich ones as their natural stores deplete (this is especially true if they're BF, if they're still having around a pint of formula a day then their iron needs are met because it's fortified). A good multivitamin is also recommended now even if your baby is a decent eater.

I wouldn't worry about a baby taking to weaning slowly and most eat fairly well by 7/8/9 months. My eldest wasn't interested at all until about 7m my youngest grabbed the spoon at 6! They're all different.

The BLW evangelists get on my nerves. One I knew who insisted that it was the answer to all the worlds prayers including the obesity epidemic ended up with an 11month old who was hospitalised with anaemia. Child was still only being BF at that age because it just played with food and barely ate a bite. She'd insisted that BF only until age 1 was perfectly adequate - it wasn't.

If BLW works for your baby then great! But I personally like the old fashioned method where you do a bit of puréed/mashed food to start and introduce finger foods and more textured stuff gradually until they're eating normal meals. I did that with both of mine, whilst gradually reducing milk and giving a daily multivitamin.

dontyouworrydontyouworrynow · 15/08/2021 11:24

@ElderflowerRose

In fairness I can categorically say it is not fun! Grin
I agree. Weaning is a pain in the arse!
BigWoollyJumpers · 15/08/2021 11:27

@ElderflowerRose

Yes, I’m not convinced an army of women born between 1950 and 1965 is quite what we need here!
Perhaps not, but we did seem to be more relaxed about stuff.

I don't know, I do feel that younger mums have so much, maybe too much, advice these days, that you can never do right, for doing wrong!

BLW for me would never have worked for example. I just couldn't, and indeed can't, bear mess and food smeared everywhere. We all just spoon fed purees, and gradually moved on to something a bit more chunky. No mess, no bathing required, nothing on the floor. And you know what? These babies had no more food issues or lack of co-ordination than any babies do now.

Also, advice across the world differs so much. Who is to say what is right and what is wrong. There are different ways of doing things, and at the end of the day, everyone will eventually get to the same point, whichever way they choose.

Original poster
ElderflowerRose · 15/08/2021 11:30

Yes but this isn’t a BLW vs purée post.

I am having just as little success with a spoon as I am with a range of organic seafood and quails eggs or whatever he should be having!

It’s very sweet of you to call me a young mum but I’m 41! Grin

OP posts:
Narwhalsh · 15/08/2021 11:42

It’s meant to highlight that milk should still be a significant proportion of the diet while solids should increase over the 6 months. Milk continues to be important after 1 as well though but I think the phrase is meant to indicate that you don’t switch straight from milk to solids at 6 months, and sort of meant to take the pressure off! Babies do things at their own pace, some are interested in solids from before 6mo, some won’t swallow anything but milk before 10mo or later!

dontyouworrydontyouworrynow · 15/08/2021 11:48

@ElderflowerRose

Yes but this isn’t a BLW vs purée post.

I am having just as little success with a spoon as I am with a range of organic seafood and quails eggs or whatever he should be having!

It’s very sweet of you to call me a young mum but I’m 41! Grin

It sounds from your updates like your baby has started to get a negative association with mealtimes probably because you've both been finding it really stressful.

I would:

  1. Ditch the highchair for now. Either do a picnic blanket on the floor, sit the baby on your lap or get a different sort of chair if baby needs the back support (Mamas and Papas so one that can clip onto a chair or sit on the floor with a tray that is excellent and doubles as one you can chuck in the car as a travel one)

  2. Take the pressure off. No fuss. Give baby a choice of a couple of things on a plate - not full on meals to start. Tiny portions

  3. If baby isn't interested after five/ten minutes just cheerily take it away and try again next mealtime. No stressing. Yes this is a bit soul destroying because you will invariably end up taking it away a lot of the time to start with but baby will eventually begin to be curious/play with/eat something

You need to take the feelings of stress away from the food. Your baby is picking up on it and starting to see food as a bad thing which makes mummy cross/stressed whatever. Start again with positive associations.

It will also help for baby to see you really enjoying your food.

Original poster
ElderflowerRose · 15/08/2021 11:50

I know, that’s the problem. I am hoping when he sees other children eating at nursery it will become a nice, social event.

OP posts:
dontyouworrydontyouworrynow · 15/08/2021 11:51

@ElderflowerRose

I know, that’s the problem. I am hoping when he sees other children eating at nursery it will become a nice, social event.
It probably will. Lots of children eat really well at nursery when they don't at home!