To think that ‘food for fun until they are one’ isn’t really meant to be taken literally

[ElderflowerRose]

It isn’t (surely) literally true that babies need nothing but milk until their first birthday, is it?

Or if it is true, why don’t we start weaning at around 9/10 months not 6?

My ds isn’t engaging with weaning at all and if I hear the above again I might just scream!

I would try not to worry at 8 months. My DS1 wasn’t really eating anything until about 14months but my DS2 ate everything at 6months. All children are different. That said we did BLW with DS1 and decided to do a mix with DS2. It doesn’t have to be all or nothing.

If you go at their pace I think it helps their relationship with food. I think the phrase means don't stress if they are resistant, let them explore, they will get it eventually.

He starts nursery in two weeks so I’ve decided to just see if he’s better there. I have read online that if a baby is still refusing solids at 7/8 months to chat with a HC professional but I don’t think there’s anything physically wrong, it’s just become very stressful and upsetting for both parties.

Oh dear. It can be worrying but dd never ate at that age either. We just messed around with food. When she started nursery at 10 months she ate some cereal and picked at lunch but the moment I was in her vicinity it was booby all the way.

Are you breastfeeding? (My dd just loved that so much she didn’t want anything else.) Which obviously puts a lot of responsibility on you.

No unfortunately, I would probably be a lot more relaxed if I was but we were a bit crap at it!

What is meant by that is not to reduce milk and that the mature at different rates and accept food at different ages eg one of mine ate quite a lot from about 4 months, the other was over 8 months, same food, same environment etc just wasn't interested and refused to open her mouth, didn't try grabbing food from my plate or eating finger food she was given. Dd1, the early eater was grabbing at my sandwich or fries at 3 months if she was on my lap, crying because i wouldn't let her, started carrying a banana pretty young

@ElderflowerRose

He starts nursery in two weeks so I’ve decided to just see if he’s better there. I have read online that if a baby is still refusing solids at 7/8 months to chat with a HC professional but I don’t think there’s anything physically wrong, it’s just become very stressful and upsetting for both parties.

Does he show any interest in your food or no interest at all?

There is so much misunderstanding about this topic.

Until relatively recently (a couple of hundred years ago or so) children weren't weaned (in either sense, finishing breastmilk or starting solids) until around the age of THREE YEARS. The only reason weaning (as in starting solids) began to be recommended at four months around the fifties was because early formulas were not nutritious enough to solely support a child beyond that age (modern formulas are much better).

As long as you are offering a healthy selection of solids alongside milk (breast or formula) then your child will choose the things they need (this is known as the division of responsibility: yours is to offer, theirs is to choose - yours is not to choose what they want to eat for them!).

A really good book on this subject is My Child Won't Eat by Carlos Gonzalez (a paediatrician).

Anecdotally, my husband (formula fed) and son (breastfed) were both "late" weaners, I don't think our son started eating solids in any measurable volume until around 16 months. His growth and development is all fine. My husband drank pints and pints of milk as a young child. He is six foot tall and slim with three degrees and eats everything now.

I bought fully in to the blw mantra for ds1. Queue much rolling of eyes from my mum. He didn't really eat much at all until at least 10 months, just played with it. But refused a spoon, so couldn't have given puree anyway. Ds2 got fed sugar a lot earlier, as could see his brother with it, and didn't eat at all for about a month at 9 months due to constant illness. Both went through an extreme fussy phase at around 1.5 where they would only eat a handful of foods. Now they are older you can't tell the difference and they eat a pretty wide range of things. So hard as it is, I would say don't stress and let them get on with it. They get there in the end.

@ElderflowerRose

No unfortunately, I would probably be a lot more relaxed if I was but we were a bit crap at it!

I would have thought that was better if he’s going to nursery. They can give him bottles and he won’t be refusing them because he’ll only take the breast. The nursery will be well used to it and will be happy to do bottles too (they have babies under 6 months they feed). Just chat to them and explain.

Don’t worry. He won’t need to be eating by then. And the plus is you won’t need to stress about expressing or any bottle refusing.

Outfoxed
I didn’t know that. Bounty article. www.bounty.com/baby-0-to-12-months/weaning/ask-the-experts/weaning-through-the-ages

I hope you read this op and to some extent gives you some reassurance to see there isn’t some magic window of between 6 months and a year, where a baby must eat or be food refusers.

My dd did eat. Fine in the beginning but incredibly fussy from about 9 months. As in would only eat one or two things. It did expand slightly and I cried when she ate her first chicken nugget around 2 1/2. It was the first non puréed food bar toast she’d eat.

Why are you stressed? What is making it upsetting for each of you?

And what have you already tried?

I think it's so parents don't worry if their DC don't get the hang of food straight away.

DS1 liked playing with food from the beginning of weaning but I'm not sure he figured out swallowing till he was around 9m.

Oh, DD didn't eat solids until she was 9 months. She kept on growing, and was a frequent breastfeeder so I didn't stress about it, and once she started eating she took about a week to switch from nibbling on a tiny bite of fruit to eating full meals. Much like she went from not standing up at all to walking in a very short of time. DS was grabbing food off my plate at 5 months. Both were completely within the normal range for readiness to eat. There's really no need to worry about an 8 month old who doesn't want to eat, or 14 month old who can't walk yet, or a a toddler who turns 3 without being out of nappies, or a 5 year old who wets the bed or an 11 year old who prefers little kid d activities to big tween things, or a 16 year old who has to pick A level options without knowing what career they want.

Your baby is still very little, OP. People who are saying the phrase to you are trying to reassure you. Keep offering a range of finger foods, and offer spoon-feeding if you want, and involve your baby in the social side of family mealtimes. He will get there and you will very likely see a dramatic improvement once he is attending nursery and can copy his peers.

I agree, some are too evangelical about it. I tried not to force my 2, with potty training or weaning or stuff. Often we are our own worst enemies. Why have the hassle and worry and trauma of trying to force a child who clearly isn't ready? When, if You just wait until they are, the whole experience is far more pleasant.

YANBU OP, I see it a lot on a breastfeeding group I'm on. There's the odd post that is frankly a recipe for anemia and vitamin D deficiency.

At the same time, I wouldn't be overly worried at 8 months if they're at least trying a bit. It suddenly clicked with both of mine around that age and they suddenly went from playing, chewing and spitting out to properly eating.

@ElderflowerRose My daughter is 6 months old and usually has porridge for breakfast and something for her tea but other than that, has milk. At nursery however, she does have snacks which we are happy with as she gets to try different things then. Some people will say that's wrong, others will say that's right but we're doing what we think is best.

When you say he isn't engaging, what do you mean? Is he refusing to eat? 😊

My little (now 15 years) girl was exactly the same. The anxiety pressure and worry I put myself under! Saw feeding therapists and the lot. At 14 months she just started eating and is a fabulous broad eater now eats things I won't. She does still have a massive gag reflex I think this as a sensory need under pinned it. Covid testing a joy. Just some reassuring that it does just sort of sort self out OK and that I wish I worried less. Saying that my second at 5 and half months just started eating. Never really weaned he just did it. No idea what was different other than the child themselves. He is a bit picky now haha. He was my healither child generally and I do wonder if constant colds did help my girl either. She also has some anxiety now had some counselling doing well. But again I wonder if even as a baby she wasn't keen on new experiences. I found health visiting team just said just keep offering and that was of no help. I work as a health care professional anf got a referral to speech and language and found their advise helpful and reassuring (I am one just not feeding qualified) so worth considering. In short it's not you x

I find that too many parents are over reliant on 'rules'. The first year in particular is an anxious time and parents want to do the right thing, but I've seen a few previously totally normal people lose the ability to think rationally. Both our DC have been weaned early due to allergies. One liked to be spoon fed til 18+ months (lazy bugger) and the other wanted to do it herself pretty much straight away at four months. Just different personalities. The judgement and comments we have gotten though have been really telling.

Also the breastfeeding til 2+ thing (I breastfed mine for over year each but eventually neither of them really wanted it and I was fed up with it so stopped)- yes it's a WHO recommendation, and the NHS have adopted it, but it is a global recommendation and is covering areas of the globe where formula/clean water/sterilising/vaccines are not reliably available so the benefits there are quite different to the benefits in the UK. There is just no need to be so evangelical about things. Every situation and baby is different, just make your own decisions using the best information available and things will likely be fine 🤷🏼‍♀️

Not literally, but if they go a day and just squish food into their high chair or throw it on the floor and nothing goes in their mouth, then you can just try again the next day. Obviously you can’t do that with an older child (unless they are ill).

I think they mainly need practice holding and feeling foods and getting used to different tastes and textures.

So if they will take a yoghurt, there is not much point (as they have milk) and they can eat it, so I’d leave boiled egg or well cooked broccoli in-front of them. If they only eat a bit, that’s ok, they don’t need spoon feeding yoghurt / potato /whatever after to make them full.

They are meant to feel hungry after having their milk at this age, so they will show some level of interest in food.
Milk is still good for them, just needs to be topped with food now, depending on the baby, it can be a bit more or less. So I think that is what BLW means. To not overstressed about them eating this and that, in the meantime they are putting weight on and healthy, and engaging with weaning.
But if your little one refuses all food, then I would check with the GP/ HV.
Is he seeing you and your family eat? He may get interested in copying you.
If he is starting nursery soon, he will see the other babies having theirs, and this may help, a lot!
Is he having cereals and purees? At least a little bit of them? Or nothing at all?

It’s a difficult one. I am a bit worried about iron as well, as I have thalassemia - was on iron tablets during pregnancy but didn’t always keep them down so I don’t know if this impacted ds iron levels.

I wish it had been a saying when DS was a baby as it would have been very reassuring. DS didn’t really take to solid food and was barely eating anything at one. Not that solid food was exactly solid, more mush like baby rice and purées. Baby led weaning wasn’t a thing in those days and DS didn’t want to be spoon fed, unlike my friend’s babies who would open wide for generous spoonfuls to be shovelled in. Despite this, the health visitor’s helpful suggestions was, ‘try him with some of your home made soup’. (Obviously inconceivable to a rural Scotswoman that there were young mothers who didn’t make soup!)

Things turned round when I read in a baby book, ‘if your baby doesn’t like purees, try finger foods.’ No idea why I never thought of this myself! He definitely wasn’t eating anything approaching 3 meals a day till at least 14 months.

@Youcanchangeyournamebut is spot on. I do think too many parents nowadays need rules or experts telling them what to do. There isn't the sharing of experience between the generations anymore. But people take everything so literally, rather than just using what works for them and ignoring the bits that don't.

I weaned both my children at four months. I researched it fully and the WHO guidance that advises holding off weaning until 6 months actually relates to not giving your child anything other than breastmilk before six months. It has nothing to do with solids. So in reality, by formula feeding your child, you have already exposed them to all of the terrible things the guidance says will happen if you wean your child early. I formula fed both of mine BTW.