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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder where the families with teen dc all are?

42 replies

cwtchtime · 14/08/2021 14:28

Just come back from a week away with my two dc aged 12 and 14 - boys. A they get older I do a lot of people watching as they talk a lot to each other/read/are generally independent, and I noticed there were hardly ever any dc their ages anywhere we went. We were in a touristy area of the UK and visited museums, a castle, a steam engine, beaches, country parks. Are we so unusual in visiting these types of places together?

They aren't into activities like zip wires/climbing etc or even swimming or other watersports, so those are out. I'm a lp and have often felt conscious of all the 'perfect' families I'm surrounded by, though have definitely got used to it and I'm not really bothered, but this has now made me feel even more that we are unusual, not that that's a bad thing I suppose.

We had a lovely holiday but I just wondered - where are all the teens/older pre-teens?!

OP posts:
PumpkinKlNG · 14/08/2021 14:29

Mostly teens no longer want to hang out with their parents 😂

WhenZoomWasJustAnIceLolly · 14/08/2021 14:31

They are hanging out with friends or on their phones in their bedrooms I’m afraid! I do sometimes persuade mine to come with me but it’s under duress. I envy you having ones who want to, make the most of it!! I have a friend whose ds still does at 17 but it’s definitely not the norm. It’s lovely though and I wish my younger teens did!

Original poster
cwtchtime · 14/08/2021 14:32

Yes, that's what I thought, PumpkinKING but at the ages I mentioned they're too young to stay home alone so do people not go on holiday because teens/pre-teens aren't keen?!

OP posts:
ILiveInSalemsLot · 14/08/2021 14:33

Mine still do. So do my friends teens.
At the moment we’re doing lots of stuff with extended family or they’re going out with friends sometimes.

freelions · 14/08/2021 14:33

My DS (now 16) would point blank refuse a day out to a castle/ stately home/ steam railway/ museum/ gallery etc etc and has been the same since he was about 13 so he would opt out of majority of family days out

Zip wire, swimming, canoeing, boat trip etc he would probably agree to

MoiraNotRuby · 14/08/2021 14:34

Its a level and gcse results week, probably the least likely week for anyone with a Y11 or 13 child to go on holiday.

PumpkinKlNG · 14/08/2021 14:37

My mum use to leave me alone to go away at that age though I realise that’s probably uncommon. Most probably won’t go if there kids don’t want to? My nephew stopped wanting to go on holiday with his mum from about 13/14 despite it being abroad he didn’t want to go.

Original poster
cwtchtime · 14/08/2021 14:37

Ah, hadn't thought of that (results) - good point and maybe explains why I saw so few...

OP posts:
MaMelon · 14/08/2021 14:38

museums, a castle, a steam engine, beaches, country parks

We’ve visited beaches, country parks and a steam train with our teenage DC but not castles and museums - they’re obviously heathens. I wasn’t particularly interested in them either at that age but I’ve had NTS and Historic Scotland cards for some years now, so I appear to have turned out OK. My elder 2 DCs are now in their twenties and are showing the first signs of coming back from the dark side too.

Original poster
cwtchtime · 14/08/2021 14:39

Such a shame if they are refusing to go. I could, if they insisted, leave them in the cottage for a day, and I've given up on beach holidays (they're not keen) so we do a day or two at a beach and then other stuff the rest of the time. Perhaps I'm lucky with my two.

OP posts:
Ted27 · 14/08/2021 14:40

My just 17 year old is still more than happy to come away with me.
I'm also a single parent.
We compromise, pick things we each want to do and tag along with each other.
This year on the Isle of Wight we went on the steam train, the Needles cable car and rib trip for him, wildlife centre for me. Afternoon hanging out on the pier for bowling, arcade, doughnuts (both) he had a morning surfing while I sat in a cafe and read my book, in the afternoon I went for a walk round the shops and he chilled out in the flat.

Original poster
cwtchtime · 14/08/2021 14:40

Yes, my eldest is obsessed with history but ds2 definitely needs bribes/sweets/cajoling when we do castles etc. I suppose he may well refuse as he gets older...Sad.

OP posts:
TheTurn0fTheScrew · 14/08/2021 14:42

mine are 10 and 14, and not sporty/rocky climby/wakeboardy types. we always go somewhere near to a major city, so that there's good shopping and fun meals for the elder one, as well as castle/museum type stuff.

DelphiniumBlue · 14/08/2021 14:43

An interesting question!
My boys are grown up now ( in ther 20s) but we have just come back from a holiday in the UK with 2 out of 3 of them. And it was exactly as you describe. We went for walks, visited historical sites and generally chilled and chatted. We get on well, happy to play games or watch movies together, and they enjoy each others company. We saw families with younger teens, but very few 14+.
We are fairly nerdy as a family but it works for us.
Don't worry what anyone else thinks, and who know what a perfect family is..I've certainly never met one, things are never what they seem from the outside looking in.
Enjoy your holidays doing what suits your family.

sirfredfredgeorge · 14/08/2021 15:00

They are almost certainly home, there's nowhere near enough "UK" holidays compared to normal holiday times, so large numbers must not be holidaying in the UK, and it's most likely those with teenagers not, because it's less "good value".

JourneyToThePlacentaOfTheEarth · 14/08/2021 15:03

This summer we went away for ten days with our 16 and 17 year old boys. I always give them the option of not coming and staying with their aunt but so far they've grudgingly agreed. On holiday they enjoy lounging around on WiFi, ps4 and snoozing. Occasionally they'll swim, visit restaurants and beaches, do go karting and quad bikes. I think they'll continue to holiday with us but only if we offer high octane activities like water sports, quads etc plus lots of take away meals

Wombat64 · 14/08/2021 15:05

We used to go on holiday to Canada & it struck us there were far more families with olders teens out & about, eating & socialising together than we'd ever seen in the UK.

ElephantOfRisk · 14/08/2021 15:15

We went on holiday a lot with ours but not really castles etc. We'd go and do activities and for meals out. We might go for walks in the countryside though. Usually need to include something like a body of water for stone skimming and that sort of stuff.

None of us are really into the castles and museum stuff unless there was a particular exhibition we wanted to see, beaches and country parks yes but again usually involving an activity or food.

UntilYourNextHairBrainedScheme · 14/08/2021 15:20

My 16 year old likes outings to musums, art galleries, big lakes with boat trips and hikes/ walks, restaurants.

My 14 year old likes cinema in the city (because going with your mum and siblings is embarrassing but if we go to the "original language" cinema in the city instead of the German only/ dubbed into German cinema in our local town we won't see anyone he knows) and specific restaurants but not all restaurants. He wouldn't ask to or volunteer to go to a museum but if he does come along he's often very interested and becomes quite engrossed in something there. He absolutely hates recreational swimming although he can swim perfectly well - its mainly self consciousness I think.

My youngest (10) likes swimming lakes, swimming pools, castles, interactive museums but not all museums, he is pretty keen on castles and he's the only one I can imagine mustering any enthusiasm for a steam train.

They'd all go for a beach because it's special for us - we live hundreds of miles from the coast.

I do different outings for whichever are interested - they do all like something but I very rarely make them come, I'm not keen on forced/ compulsory fun though I insist they do something out of the house itself each day (just a short bike ride/ walk or table tennis/ badminton in the garden or accompanying me on errands, which for some reason they all do occasionally - probably because we're rural and its a low effort trip out of the village - is fine).

They all still love and look forward to family holidays for some reason - I hated them from about 12 onwards. I think not forcing them to join in with everything and not being upset and throwing around accusations of ingratitude if they don't stick a fake smile on for something they never wanted to do helps a lot!

I'm not a lone parent but I guess people often assume that I am. I'm a shift worker so I often do an outing with one or two children on days DH is working from home, and leave any uninterested child/ ren home.

All the kids are still enthusiastic about outings if DH comes just because we do that less often - DH isn't that keen on crowds and I often prefer to take the kids to anything they're particularly interested in mid week if I'm not on shift that day (I work alternate weekends) rather than join weekend crowds.

MoiraNotRuby · 14/08/2021 15:24

Another thing to consider is that teenagers are expensive. Their accommodation, meals and entrance fees often cost the same as an adult. Family special offers are aimed at younger children.

So if they aren't massively interested in going to somewhere it is a very expensive way to waste money. Especially if you are already broke thanks to covid etc.

Bogofftosomewherehot · 14/08/2021 15:27

Foreign holidays are OK, UK holidays I've learnt the hard way and won't do them.
No way would mine do castles, stately homes etc. Bad enough trying to get 2 rooms in a hotel and asking them to share without killing each other - then throw in a rainy afternoon and having to hang out with lame boring parents and it's a recipe for disaster. I just won't do it.

UntilYourNextHairBrainedScheme · 14/08/2021 15:31

MoiraNotRuby they certainly are expensive - for transport too if you're not driving, and there isn't always enough leg room for older teens in the back of the family car for long car journeys to be comfortable, especially if you're a family of five and as the five foot six mother your children are a lot taller than you 😂

JustMeAndWheatley · 14/08/2021 15:34

At home talking to their friends online all day.

Mine refuse to go to most places and we’ve realised that it’s not worse the hassle of arguing about it. We’ve had far too many days ruined by having a sulky teenager in tow.

They are occasionally persuaded out for a meal or tea and cake.

Moonface123 · 14/08/2021 15:37

Most teens are just happy doing their own thing, if mine want to come somewhere with me fine, if not that's ok. It doesn't mean we're not a close family, we are, the three of us get on really well, but l respect their interests and ideas of fun are different to mine.

beigebrownblue · 14/08/2021 15:46

I'm lp. DD not sixteen yet. We've had a good hols in the main, going away next week for a few days. Also week after managed to get something together for sixteenth birthday with two of her friends. Two chalets opposite each other.

Enables me to chill out and they can chill out with friends. I'm really looking forward to that. Think the key is when they get older a bit of space and as someone said, not forced to do the same things as the grown ups.

Yes, it is expensive other than that the last time we went away with each other was five years ago.