21 yr old staying out all night

[lovenotwar149]

Is it reasonable to ask your 21 yr old son to let you know if he decides, while he is out, to stay out all night? At what point should he text/call etc

*the original plans
not they

How many threads do we have on here about husbands who haven't come home and the poster is frantic? It IS common courtesy as a pp said.

At that age of hes going out out id assume he is put all night and at a push ask for a text by midday to let you know hes ok. Police wouldn't do anything before then

Police? It's not about police it's just normal manners when you live in a house with people that you tell them your rough whereabouts.

I will wake up when they are out late, whatever hour it is.

My phone is on silent, so I can take a quick look and will see "I'm home" or "staying in X's" that's all.

Once they are safe I can go back to sleep.

My children have never had any issue with it and understand that parents just want to know they are safe and it is a courtesy.

Yes, just good manners.
I know my lot would be worried if I didn’t text to say what was going on, especially if I stayed out all night. As I would be for them.
3 adult children in their 20s.

We used to say we'd much rather have a text at any time at all than wake up in the morning to an empty bed and start ringing round to find you.

They did usually text.

I would expect a text by a reasonable time so that when I went to bed I locked the house up fully,plus I wasn't lying awake wondering if I could hear them come back !!!

Whether it's 6pm or 2am, they should let you know their plans- even if they're not completely sure. Mainly because of safety and so you're not waiting up for them/leaving the door unlocked etc. It's common courtesy and not a controlling thing.

thank you for further msgs. I have found these msgs very helpful. Mother to mother sot o speak...hours later now (I cried a lot this morning when he wasn't home and I couldn't get hold of him...my anxious/worry hat was on my head ...tightly!) I am getting the impression that it was a girl thing!! Fortunately he was apologetic when he got home and incredibly understanding and empathetic. I think I will sleep well tonigh! Thanks again :)

Ds did that once OP, only the once,DH went loopy and he's the most relaxed dad ever. Not unreasonable at all to have a vague idea of where a family member is. Sleep well tonight

@lovenotwar149

if by "it's a girl thing" you mean only it's a mother thing I don't think that's true. DH gets just as concerned if anyone isn't back by agreed time (even if it's me) and he has a 15-30 mins tolerance before he calls, depending on circumstances.

I think she means he pulled 😀

You cried because your 22 year old didn't come home!? Yes ideally he'd text because some people like to double lock/chain on etc, I get ranting to have that conversation with him. But you were crying because he'd gone out with his friends and you didn't know where he was at 7am, that seems like you need to step back. If he was away at uni you wouldn't know where he was for days at a time, weeks perhaps and he wouldn't be texting his flatmates as a courtesy to say he wasn't coming home that night.

@HeddaGarbled

I think she means he pulled 😀

That would definitely be the time texting would go out the window.😁

Poor OP, I can well understand you being worried and catastrophising.

My husband is chilled and we have always been too about what time they came home, because they are sensible kids, but he would come down firmly on us being caused unnecessary worry.

Sleep well tonight.

Reminds me one night i woke and checked and the text was that they were stuck somewhere and husband went to collect at 4.30 (not impressed) but as they came through the door I said to the 3 that were staying, "text your mum's where you are", none of them had, but they did!

I know them nearly 20 years so they wouldn't dream of not😂

I most certainly did mean he pulled!!! (Well I think so!)