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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Holiday logistics with all the dcs. Do we go without 2 of them.

44 replies

Disrespected · 14/08/2021 13:19

We have dsc half the hols. Specific weeks stated in a cao.

A UK break local enough to travel with youngest. 1hr 45 away. Its a Fri to Fri hol. 1st week of Easter
Dsc doesn't come till the Sat - sat their dm will not change to the Friday.

Ds is booked to go abroad with his DF the Thursday of the 1st week.

DH can only Have 1 week off work at Easter.

So choice is book the Fri to Fri.. Travel back the sat to collect dsc and back again.
Then travel back the Thurs to drop ds (16) back for his DF to pick him up to catch flight that evening. Then back to site for 1 more day.
It's around 3.5 hour round-trip each time if traffic good.

Or go the 2nd week. Fri to Fri with just dh and our 2 dcs.
Ds will still be away abroad.
Dsc can stay at ils the Fri night for a sleepover with cousins and they return the sat to their dm then she goes away week 2 as well.

Ils do all drop and collects of dsc. We would be dropping / collecting from them as normal anyway from ils.

I'd feel bad going 2nd week without them, but on the other hand, ds and dsc are. Going away with their other parent. And if we went the 1st week it's a lot of toing and throwing.
Fwiw our 2 dcs have never had a holiday they will be 4 and 2 then so also don't want to not go away at all. 4 year old keeps saying they want to go on holiday.
Dsc and my ds all have annual holidays UK and abroad with their other parents so aren't missing out as such. But have mega guilt.

Obviously if we went 2nd week. Dsc would still come the 1st week and I would take them Out for days with me whilst dh works but could poss get some early finishes . As this often is the case as dh doesn't have enough annual leave throughout the year anyway. And has always worked.

OP posts:
TeenMinusTests · 14/08/2021 13:24

Go Sat-Fri and send DS back on a train?

Feedingthebirds1 · 14/08/2021 13:26

What's DH's take on it? That has an impact on the decision.

Singlebutmarried · 14/08/2021 13:27

How old are the dsc?

TidyDancer · 14/08/2021 13:27

@TeenMinusTests

Go Sat-Fri and send DS back on a train?
I would do this. The train part would depend on age/responsibility/etc, but the Saturday start seems an obvious solution.
LIZS · 14/08/2021 13:29

Can 16 yo not travel up by train?

dancemom · 14/08/2021 13:30

Can you and the available dc go on the Friday and your DH and DSC arrive on the Saturday then you and your ds leave on the Thursday and your DH and remaining dc return on the Friday?

JustLyra · 14/08/2021 13:30

Do you have one car or two?

If you have two could you not have one of you go down with your DS and the younger two on the Friday. Other come Saturday with DSC. Then do the opposite on the Thursday - one come home with DS and the other stay til Friday with the rest?

I think if you go the second week you should book Fri-Fri, but go on Saturday (if you explain to the park they'll understand it). Leaving the kids with Grandparents a day early to go on holiday without them is going to feel harsh for any child.

MakeItRain · 14/08/2021 13:33

In that scenario I would go the second week. The first one doesn't sound very relaxing, and like you say, you can still do some nice things during that week.

Original poster
Disrespected · 14/08/2021 13:37

1 car.

Ds really isn't competent enough for a train alone.

OP posts:
Original poster
Disrespected · 14/08/2021 13:38

Dh is for the 2nd week to save toing and throwing.
He's of the mind the others are getting holidays with their other parents
Dsc had regular sleepovers with ils and cousins and wouldn't know any different tbh.

OP posts:
AlexaShutUp · 14/08/2021 13:39

@TeenMinusTests

Go Sat-Fri and send DS back on a train?
Good plan.
TeenMinusTests · 14/08/2021 13:44

How complicated is the train?
If there is a change of trains, can you drive part way and see him straight on? Or DF could meet part way too if amenable?

Chloemol · 14/08/2021 13:45

Does the dsc and ds want to come?

If they do I would do Saturday to thursday

AlexaShutUp · 14/08/2021 13:46

Does ds have SEN, OP? Most 16yos could handle a train journey, I reckon?

Lonecatwithkitten · 14/08/2021 13:46

@Disrespected

1 car.

Ds really isn't competent enough for a train alone.

Unless there are special needs you have 8 months to get him competent many 16 year olds easily tackle train journeys.
SimonedeBeauvoirscat · 14/08/2021 13:48

Your DS is 16, does he have some additional needs? Otherwise surely it’s about time he got to grips with things like trains?

I would take your DC down by car on the Friday, have DH follow with DSC on the Saturday, then send DS back by train on the Thurs.

JustLyra · 14/08/2021 13:49

@Disrespected

Dh is for the 2nd week to save toing and throwing. He's of the mind the others are getting holidays with their other parents Dsc had regular sleepovers with ils and cousins and wouldn't know any different tbh.
There’s a massive difference between regular sleepovers and knowing you are going on a sleepover because your siblings are going on holiday.

If it’s not until Easter and your DS is 16 surely he could do the train?

Frazzled2207 · 14/08/2021 13:51

Agree ds on train. I was visiting family by myself on trains from about 13. And that was a long time before mobile phones.
If there are changes though it is more difficult

Also, if the DSC mum won’t let them come on the Friday then can’t she drive them over on the sat? Unless there is another factor at play she is being a bit U

beigebrownblue · 14/08/2021 13:56

Go the second week please.
My motto for logistics and kids is
'keep is simple'

Too much tooing and froing, too much potential for things to go wrong in week one.

Abouttimemum · 14/08/2021 13:58

I’d also go first thing sat and send ds back on the train. He’s 16, surely capable of sitting for 90 minutes and getting off at the correct station. Plenty of time to practice.

SherryPalmer · 14/08/2021 13:58

I don’t think it’s the holiday itself that’s the issue. It’s the contact time with his kids. It’s a bit shit for him to take his weeks holiday the week his kids DON’T come. Especially if it is “often the case” that he can’t take annual leave during their contact time.

Abouttimemum · 14/08/2021 14:00

@Frazzled2207 yeah she’s being a total arsehole unless there’s a drop to come. I hate shit like that. It’s the poor kid missing out.

vivainsomnia · 14/08/2021 14:06

Your DSC come to spend time with their dad. Yet you are suggesting that when they come, they only mainly see you whilst their dad works, and when their dad is off, he gets to have fun with his youngest. How is that fair?

You need to look for a place that do Sat-Sat. You can drive your DS on the Thursday. Alternatively, you have over 6 months to get your teenager used to take the train.

Alternista · 14/08/2021 14:06

Do something smaller at Easter and do the main holiday in the summer with all the kids??

Boombadoom · 14/08/2021 14:14

How old are the step children? I think that impacts it a lot. Because a 4 & 2yo want to do different things to a teenager anyway. In which case I’d keep it simple, and do the 2nd week.

I’d make it clear to the other parent though that if she’d change her bloody dates (or allow Friday - Saturday) they can come - so it’s on her that they’re missing out.