Holiday logistics with all the dcs. Do we go without 2 of them.

[Disrespected]

We have dsc half the hols. Specific weeks stated in a cao.

A UK break local enough to travel with youngest. 1hr 45 away. Its a Fri to Fri hol. 1st week of Easter
Dsc doesn't come till the Sat - sat their dm will not change to the Friday.

Ds is booked to go abroad with his DF the Thursday of the 1st week.

DH can only Have 1 week off work at Easter.

So choice is book the Fri to Fri.. Travel back the sat to collect dsc and back again.
Then travel back the Thurs to drop ds (16) back for his DF to pick him up to catch flight that evening. Then back to site for 1 more day.
It's around 3.5 hour round-trip each time if traffic good.

Or go the 2nd week. Fri to Fri with just dh and our 2 dcs.
Ds will still be away abroad.
Dsc can stay at ils the Fri night for a sleepover with cousins and they return the sat to their dm then she goes away week 2 as well.

Ils do all drop and collects of dsc. We would be dropping / collecting from them as normal anyway from ils.

I'd feel bad going 2nd week without them, but on the other hand, ds and dsc are. Going away with their other parent. And if we went the 1st week it's a lot of toing and throwing.
Fwiw our 2 dcs have never had a holiday they will be 4 and 2 then so also don't want to not go away at all. 4 year old keeps saying they want to go on holiday.
Dsc and my ds all have annual holidays UK and abroad with their other parents so aren't missing out as such. But have mega guilt.

Obviously if we went 2nd week. Dsc would still come the 1st week and I would take them Out for days with me whilst dh works but could poss get some early finishes . As this often is the case as dh doesn't have enough annual leave throughout the year anyway. And has always worked.

@Disrespected

1 car.

Ds really isn't competent enough for a train alone.

Why does he need to be "competent"? You can stay with him on platform to make sure he gets on correct train.

Then he has to sit there until he arrives at his station... And can be met at the other end.

Unless there's additional needs.... How incompetent can he be if he can't sit on a train and look out for the train station he needs near the arrival time?

Train may not be get on, get off.
It could be get on, change at Reading, go on London underground with 2 changes.
Plus there is competence and then issues like diagnosed anxiety which can impact even the most competent child.

How can a 16yo boy not be competent enough to get the train? Does he have additional needs? If not, then you should be encouraging him to come by public transport and start learning useful life skills - he’s almost an adult.

The train suggestion seems simple but if you are in Essex and going to Centerparcs Longleat it's not quite so straightfoward. I'd book Fri-Fri, waste the money for night 1 and arrive Saturday.

Can you drop DS somewhere more convenient e.g. the airport? Do you have to go all the way back?

Unless the 16 yo has SN or other challenges, Sat to Fri abd put him on the coach or train.

It would his Dad fetch him?

If Dsc mother won’t let them come on Fri would she deliver them on the Sat?

You might have to pay Fri-Fri but can you just go Sat - Thurs?

[quote Abouttimemum]@Frazzled2207 yeah she’s being a total arsehole unless there’s a drop to come. I hate shit like that. It’s the poor kid missing out.[/quote]
And the exW isn't being an arsehole by refusing to change the access by one day so that the DCs don't miss out?

Go the second week as it's not like the other 2 kids are missing out on a holiday.

Unless there are special needs, I don't see why your DS couldn't get a train? You really don't have to be competent, if you can catch a bus, you can catch a train. It's actually easier as it stops at every station and announces where you are.

I'd go the first week. Your dh can do the first round trip for his dc and you can do the second with yours. 1h45 each way isn't terrible, tbh, that's only just linger than my commute to work.

I would just do the Sat to the Thursday that way all the kids can come.
Doesn’t seem fair to the kids any other way.

A 16 year old can't get on the train?!

This is MN and you're a step-parent, so clearly you must be 100% unreasonable at all times regardless of facts, motives or reality

Going away the 2nd week is fine, they are all getting to go away with a parent, don't stress.

Although you could look at the train option - if DS is 16 he could probably do with a taste of responsibility (unless he has SEN of course).

You’re just trying to book your holiday at the wrong time, surely? Go in May half-term, or in the summer.

It’s not the kids missing out on a holiday so much as them not spending time with their parent.

If you have them half the holidays on specific weeks, there must be better opportunities. And if your DH gets 25 days annual leave that’s 5 weeks - holidays are 13 weeks of the year and he’s doing 50% so that only 1.5 weeks he can’t spend with them?

Your DSC comes to see her parent, so of course you should go in week 1.

You've got 4 DC, that was always going to be difficult to juggle, but presumably it's what you wanted or you wouldn't have had them.

In a couple of years time your DSC will be an adult and stop coming on holidays with you altogether, you'll then have a good decade or so holidaying with just the younger two.

Doesn't your DP want to make the most of his contact time and few remaining holidays with his DC?

If that holiday doesn't work for all the family, book a different one which does.

I'd go Saturday to Thursday week 1 I I think. Although I don't think a 3.5 hour round trip is that terrible if needs be. Depends how much they want to go and you want them to be there?

Or just book a different place ...

How significant are DS's additional needs? Could you get him on the train and Dad collect from the train? Any option whereby he'd meet you half way?

How would your DS and DSC feel about you going away without them? Do they want to go on the sort of holiday that meets the needs of two pre schoolers?

Thanks for replying sorry was out

So 16 Yr old has said he doesn't want to come. As he said he too much rushing the Thursday getting train then bus then 35 min walk from bus to home. His dad won't get him from station as his clothes for his abroad holiday would be at home. He's opted to stay with inlaws for the week until his dad collects him.

Yes his ex is a bit of an arse. Doesn't even change 30 min, unfortunately she's never played ball and we had to get cao. Although it says' any variation by agreement' she won't. We recently asked for 30 min early collection for a wedding and she said no which meant dc missed out and dsc was part of the wedding party too so missed out on a key role so to speak.

Thibk were going to book Fri to Fri but arrive the Sat night. (collection is 6pm) so we'd of lost over a day as we'd of originally gone Fri morn spent day locally before check in. But it is what it is.

Summer would be out of the question as again ds is going abroad again with his dad. And the weeks overlap similarly.

And when I say about it often being the case with regards to holidays. Dh gets 4 weeks. We have dsc for 7 of the holiday weeks so 3 aren't covered by him if makes sense. But it's always worked. Just as when ds goes tok his dfs in the holidays, sometimes his dad is working and he stays with his step mum. Or step sister and family for a bit of it.

Thanks for all the tips.