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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think they’re something not right with my 3 year old?

27 replies

Happyhippo23 · 14/08/2021 12:43

Whenever we go away to stay overnight anywhere he’s an absolute nightmare. He doesn’t sleep, when he does fall asleep (late) he wakes up about 5am, he hardly eats, he doesn’t want to do anything, he cries and moans the entire time. It’s horrible to witness and I always feel bad as I want him to have a nice time. This even happens when we go to stay at my parent’s house, they live about 5 hours away, so we normally stay for a couple of nights. Which is what we’re doing at the moment.

OP posts:
Loubiemoo · 14/08/2021 12:44

Do you talk him through beforehand to prepare him with what’s going to happen?

RedHelenB · 14/08/2021 12:44

I never sleep well the first night in a new environment. Think he's normal tbh.

Original poster
Happyhippo23 · 14/08/2021 12:47

@Loubiemoo I do, but he doesn’t ever seem to understand properly until we’re there. What makes it more difficult this time is that his dad isn’t with us, he had to stay home to work.

OP posts:
Original poster
Happyhippo23 · 14/08/2021 12:48

@RedHelenB it’s not just the first night, I’m the same with that one, it’s usually the whole trip Sad

OP posts:
Rabbitheadlights · 14/08/2021 12:49

He clearly struggles with the change in routine, are there any other things about his behaviours/habits etc that you've noticed?

SheABitSpicyToday · 14/08/2021 12:49

He’s 3! You’ve taken him away from the security of his home, of course he will be unsettled it’s completely normal. I’m 27 and still can’t settle when not in my own bed Grin

Keiki · 14/08/2021 12:50

Just wanted to say I'm in exactly the same boat at the moment and having the same thoughts. You have my sympathies.

trevthecat · 14/08/2021 12:54

My eldest only ever settled at home till about 5 years old. He still doesn't like to be away from home and he's 11! It's safe and comfy at home

pastabest · 14/08/2021 12:56

3 year old acts up when taken away from home?

I'm not sure there's a diagnosis for that I'm afraid other than 'they are 3'

zingally · 14/08/2021 12:57

He's 3, and 3 year olds don't remember a time before covid. Being away from home, especially overnight, is a totally new experience for him.

Plus 3 year olds are notoriously awful. He'll grow out of it. Relax.

ReggaetonLente · 14/08/2021 13:00

Mine has started being like this, we went on a long weekend to the beach (she LOVES the beach) and she spent the whole time in the apartment asking to go home.

I just put it down to her now being the age where she's really attached to her toys and her bed and her stuff, she loves her bedroom and just would prefer to always be near it!

shouldistop · 14/08/2021 13:00

Sounds normal to me tbh. When is he 4? In my experience it's much better when they're closer to 4.

SummerHouse · 14/08/2021 13:01

This is my DS. He used to get physically ill on every holiday. It was uncanny. He's 8 now and fine. Loves holidays. But he is a sensitive soul and feels things more deeply than your average Joe. Hang in there. Do all you can to bring creature comforts with you. Even all his bedding if it helps. Just reassure him and watch him grow into a thoughtful, considerate, empathetic young chap. It's hard for him and hard for you to have this sensitivity but there are oh so many pros.

shouldistop · 14/08/2021 13:03

Yes to bringing things from home with you. My just turned 5yo will pack a soft toy and blanket from home to go away now,

PeterCorbeau · 14/08/2021 13:04

It sounds like he's just really sensitive to routine/place changes, bless him. Must be tough for you to deal with it too. Perhaps the more you start going places/visiting people now restrictions are eased, the more he'll get used to it.

CorpusCallosum · 14/08/2021 13:04

That sounds so exhausting, I'm sorry it's so hard. You plan these things and want to have a nice time and then can't because he's all over the place 😢

I think PP have been a bit harsh in tone but probably right. He's 3 and if you've no other concerns about his development it's likely something he'll grow out of. To help him along that path though you could try something like social stories before a trip.

These are something you make and personalise for him. Think a comic style step by step of what is going to happen illustrated with photos. Handy as you're at your parents now you can take pictures while you're there.

Think:
'Trip to granny and grandads'

  • we are going to pack our bags (pic of suitcases'
  • put everything in the car (pic of car)
  • you are going to sit in your car seat and we will drive to granny and grandads house (pic of DS in car seat)
  • when we get there granny and grandad will have cuddles and food for us (pics of people and their house)
  • this will be your bed (pic)
  • you'll sleep here for X nights (clock or day/night symbol)
  • maybe insert pic of usual bedtime routine if that's helpful so he sees it'll be the same as at home
  • when it's time to go home we'll get back in the car (pic of him in the car)
  • and drive home (pic of home!)

You go over it with him a couple of times in the run up to the trip and then as you go along the trip tick off the things that have happened.

This approach is used with people who have autism to support them understand what's coming now and next & feel secure in their routine but there's no reason it wouldn't be helpful for a 3yo who is struggling to understand either.

Haveyoubrushedyourteeth · 14/08/2021 13:17

I'm sorry it's hard, I know exactly what you mean when you're looking forward to spending time with them and it's not what you hoped it would be.

What I would say is that we accept that adults can be really easy going or really highly strung. We accept that some are glass half full types and others are just prone to moaning. It doesn't make us dislike them, it just means we have to learn not to take it personally and with some huge pinches of salt. Children are just the same, especially when they're toddlers. The main thing is don't feel like you're the only one who finds this age hard, because I promise you you're not.

aerosocks · 14/08/2021 13:17

I agree with others. Not only is it the change in routine, but perhaps he doesn't really understand that it isn't permanent, or that he is just visiting for a short while and will go home again soon.

endofthelinefinally · 14/08/2021 13:18

IME many little children hate going away from home. I can imagine that the restrictions of covid have made this so much worse.
My advice would be not to put yourself through it unless you feel it is absolutely essential and therefore worth all the upset.
Can your parents visit you?
In another year or so he will probably find it easier.

Choice4567 · 14/08/2021 13:20

@SheABitSpicyToday I don’t agree that it’s just because he’s 3! My 3 year old doesn’t have any problem going to stay over in new places/familiar places. Might go to sleep a bit late the first night due to excitement, but the rest of the time absolutely fine

Allthingspeaches · 14/08/2021 13:23

For big things I make my son a little book (just in Word) explaining what's going to happen with pictures to show him.

Eg.

Going to the airport (picture of check in area)
Sit on plane (picture of inside of aeroplane)
Wait for luggage (picture of baggage claim)
Etc.

We haven't travelled since the pandemic hit but he likes looking at the books and talking through what's going to happen. He'll refer to the book as we go through each step.

If your son really struggles it might be worth doing something similar.

SheABitSpicyToday · 14/08/2021 13:24

@Choice4567 and? Your 3 year old is fine. But it’s compel normal for a 3 year old to not be fine in this situation.

Cornettoninja · 14/08/2021 13:31

[quote Choice4567]@SheABitSpicyToday I don’t agree that it’s just because he’s 3! My 3 year old doesn’t have any problem going to stay over in new places/familiar places. Might go to sleep a bit late the first night due to excitement, but the rest of the time absolutely fine[/quote]
Good. You and the OP both have 3 year olds with their own personalities and no indications of something ‘not being right’ whatever that means.

@Happyhippo23 he’s just three. He likes what he likes and apparently that’s home. He will learn going away skills if they don’t come naturally.

IndanthroneBlue · 14/08/2021 13:43

My eldest DD was exactly like this at 3, we have photos of her grumpy face on all our holiday photos including a big tantrum in the snow at Christmas. She missed her toys was all she'd say over and over. We then didn't go on holiday for a few years as she made it miserable. She's much better now at 9 but has to know all the details in advance and pack her own bag or she gets in a panic. My youngest DD loves going away but at 3 she still thought we'd moved permanently to live in a caravan by the sea, she was just delighted rather than upset at the thought. I think it's just personality how they react and at 3 they don't understand it's temporary.

Looubylou · 14/08/2021 13:54

If he copes with other changes OK, and you have no other concerns, and you can take him to lots of different environments day to day, I wouldn't worry too much. Taking familiar objects and good preparation, for example pictures/social stories may help next time. If you do have other concerns contact your health visitor. PP who said covid has had big effect on experiences for little ones has good point too. Those who's families ignored the rules are just dandy of course. 😏