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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I am not ok

43 replies

Notgettingbetter · 13/08/2021 14:34

My mental health is disintegrating. I've been severely depressed for months. Spoke to a doctor this morning. Told me to wait a couple more weeks for my new antidepressant to kick in. I understand but I'm getting desperate. I am on the phone to my local crisis team but they are not picking up. I've got dressed but I have no idea where I might go. My partner is out at the playground with our young daughter. I don't want her to see me like this. I'm not suicidal but I feel I might be headed that way if something doesn't change in the next few days.

OP posts:
Branleuse · 13/08/2021 14:39

can you go to the hospital. Tell them you are at crisis point.

Sending hugs

doodledeedum · 13/08/2021 14:43

I'm so sorry you feel this way. I've felt similar.
Please call your doctor again
Or as mentioned above go to a walk in centre or local hospital
Call a friend, can you talk to your partner?
Also you can Text SHOUT to 85258 in the UK to text with a trained Crisis Volunteer.
I hope you get what you need ... 🧡

Mistyplanet · 13/08/2021 14:45

Call your local mental health crisis team, or if you're not sure if you can present at A and E saying your suicidal?

Spaghettipie1 · 13/08/2021 14:45

I'm sorry you're feeling so awful. Remember the Samaritans are there to listen. Are there any other services that your GP surgery has signposted you to? Might be worth a google. Hopefully the meds will kick in soon, I wish I had more helpful advice. But thinking of you x

Notgettingbetter · 13/08/2021 14:49

I'm going to go to bed and try to have a nap.

OP posts:
Stompythedinosaur · 13/08/2021 14:49

Break the day up into smaller, more manageable chunks. So don't think about what you are doing for thr rest of the day, just plan how to cope for the next half hour. Is there a block you can walk around, or even just up and down your street? Rematch a familiar and comforting TV show? Take a bath/shower? Just deal with the day one tiny step at a time.

Disintegration1985 · 13/08/2021 15:40

@doodledeedum

I'm so sorry you feel this way. I've felt similar. Please call your doctor again Or as mentioned above go to a walk in centre or local hospital Call a friend, can you talk to your partner? Also you can Text SHOUT to 85258 in the UK to text with a trained Crisis Volunteer. I hope you get what you need ... 🧡
As someone who has used SHOUT a couple of times, I can say I found it really helpful just to offload and chat to someone non-judgemental who texted with me until I felt calmer.

How long have you been on your meds? It's frustrating having to wait for them to take effect, but hang in there.

Does your partner know how you're feeling? Have you got a decent support network i.e. family, friends? Just wondering if you could reach out to someone, perhaps for a cuppa and some headspace.

Anordinarymum · 13/08/2021 15:45

I know this might sound patronising but have you thought about writing down some instructions to yourself.

Simple things such as :-
Shower today
Eat
Go for a walk etc etc..., and try to do at least one thing which may take your mind off the immediate?
Also writing down things you value in life - anything really to distract you from your morbid thoughts.
It's the small things which can help a little if you allow it

Notgettingbetter · 13/08/2021 15:46

I've used SHOUT a few times before but didn't find it helpful to be honest. I phone the Samaritans sometimes. It's good when I get someone I click with.

I've been on venlafaxine four weeks now. I know it could take a couple more weeks to make a difference.

Partner and daughter are home now. Partner knows I am struggling. He is kind and supportive.

OP posts:
MoreAloneTime · 13/08/2021 15:49

Is your partner able to take some time off so you can just focus on basic survival for a few days?

Notgettingbetter · 13/08/2021 15:51

Partner is not working currently. He's been doing everything to look after us both.

OP posts:
SirenSays · 13/08/2021 15:52

I hope you're feeling a little better after getting some rest 💛
I've used shout a few times too. The wait times are horrendous and I've never found them very helpful.
Have you considered keeping a journal or video diary? It helps me get things off my chest. Meditation (Headspace is good) and wild swimming may help if you're into the kind of thing.

itsme1978 · 13/08/2021 17:56

Hi
I'm on venlafaxine......is this the first time you've used it? Are you on 37.5mg?x

therocinante · 13/08/2021 21:38

I just wanted to say I've been there OP, and to hold on - an hour at a time. Find what helps, even for 5 minutes, and do that - and I don't mean what you want to do (I wanted to stare out of the window for hours on end, speaking to nobody and refusing to eat, but it did me no good), what actually gives your brain something else to think about than how horrendous you feel.

Get really into Youtube videos of people making watches, or rewatching the entirety of the OC, or watching cute puppy videos, or watering the plants in the garden, or listening to screamy music really loud just to feel something, or a stupidly hot bath and shave your legs even if it's the last thing you feel like doing because you'll feel better after. Put clean bedding on even though it's a ballache, because it'll be distracting. Anything at all. I used to clean the bathroom at 3am because it made me feel like I had my shit together and a clean bathroom helped.

An hour at a time. 5 minutes at a time, if you need. Just keep going - you know when you have the flu and you don't see how you're ever going to feel okay again? This is that. Keep going - wait for the medication work and in the meantime just put one foot in front of the other when you can. And when you can't, go and crawl under the duvet and breathe or cry or scream into a pillow.

Notgettingbetter · 13/08/2021 22:16

itsme1978 I'm on 150mg

OP posts:
cpjoli · 13/08/2021 22:19

I've used shout and they've been really good. Phone your local mental health team and speak to the duty worker. Or call 111 if you feel that bad. I've tried tapping a few times and it seems to ground me a bit.

Notgettingbetter · 13/08/2021 22:20

Thank you therocinante. I'm trying. I want to stay in bed forever and I have no appetite but I force to get up each day and I force myself to eat. I even force myself to do things like colouring or entertaining my daughter. I am trying so, so hard. But I'm worried... Back in April it got really bad. I don't actually have much memory of that month - my partner had to fill me in. I feel like I'm headed that way again.

OP posts:
therocinante · 13/08/2021 22:43

It can be terrifying when you can feel yourself going downhill - I always say it feels like when you're so tired you feel like you're heavy. I hear you, and I'm so sorry you're feeling this way at the moment.

It sounds like you're doing the right things - obviously, you can't fake it til you make it with mental illness, but there are things that will help you maintain some grip on normality, and making sure you get up, eat, shower if you can, is way better than just detatching from life at all. That is your will to keep a handle on things showing and that's a really good sign.

4 weeks on venlafexine means it's getting into your system now and in the next couple of weeks you should start feeling some relief. Keep trying the crisis team - again, a good sign that you have the will to keep going and try to get help.

You probably feel like you have no control right now, like you're at the whim of your brain chemistry, and overwhelmed. What's clear from reading your post is that while the feelings are a very overwhelming and scary thing to face, you are grounding yourself so well. You are maintaining connections by talking to your partner, you are continuing to eat and get up and refuse to be detatched from daily life. You are taking your medication, contacting people for help: you may not feel like it, but you are advocating for yourself and your health as best you can at the moment. You're obviously very self aware and able to recognise shifts in your mental state and that's a good sign, too - it means you're able to identify what's happening to you and identify that the way you feel is a 'state' not a permanent thing. That's no small thing and it's better than I've done in the past. You're doing so, so well - as someone who knows exactly how you feel, I'm proud of you.

For tonight and the next few days: don't be afraid to lean on your partner and the people around you, to ask them for what you need. Sometimes you give 50/50 in any relationship and sometimes it's 90/10, or 100/0. Tell them if you need to put a film on and sit in silence and just hold their hand, tell them if you need to just vent for 10 minutes about how horrendous everything feels and you don't need them to say anything, tell them if you need a friend to come and drive you around for 20 minutes while you have a cry but not alone.

And I'll keep an eye on this thread, if you want to get your thoughts out to some strangers on the internet. Flowers

FrenchBoule · 13/08/2021 22:43

What do you like eating foodwise or what you used to like? Any friends/family around to help out?

notsohippychick · 13/08/2021 22:45

Hang in there. Venafaxine saved me. It will be ok. Dig deep.

I’ve been on it for about 5 years now and things got much better. Just rest. Sleep. Go easy on yourself and let the meds to the job. They will work. Just have faith x

UndertheCedartree · 13/08/2021 22:55

@Notgettingbetter - I've been where you are. I wouldn't advise going to A&E - they are useless. I would usually come out more suicidal. You say you are on venlafaxine - what dose? Are you on mirtazapine too? I'm on both and they are known to work well together.

It is good you are able to get up and eat. Are you sleeping? Are you under the community mental health team? If not I would push for a referral. Phone Crisis team as much as you need and be really honest with them.

In the meantime take each day minute by minute. I don't know how your concentration is but trying some things like a mindfulness meditation, an adult colouring book, reading or even a game on your phone to distract yourself for 5 minutes. If you feel like harming yourself, decide you will have a cup of tea first. Then you will cuddle your DD for 5 min. Then you will splash your face with cold water first. And continue til the urge has calmed down. Take good care of yourself and ask for all the help you need Flowers

therocinante · 15/08/2021 21:37

How are you doing today, OP?

Cryalot2 · 15/08/2021 21:47

FlowersBrew virtual hugs . It is a dreadful condition. My answer to everything is s mug of tea and a biscuit or chocolate. Make sure you eat properly and nap as you feel. Someone suggested you write down things. Is their any music you find relaxing, listen using headphones.
Stay safe and if in doubt phone help. X

Notgettingbetter · 15/08/2021 22:08

Thank you for checking up on me therocinante - you're really kind.

Thanks to everyone for your replies. It means a lot.

I'm still feeling much the same unfortunately 😔 Maybe the mental health team will phone me tomorrow... But I won't pin my hopes on that.

I might call the surgery to see if my usual doctor is there. On Tuesday I will have been on venlafaxine five weeks. Not taking mirtazapine. I have heard it can work very well with venlafaxine.

I wish I could just rest but life with a high energy 4 year old doesn't really allow for that.

OP posts:
UndertheCedartree · 15/08/2021 22:15

@Notgettingbetter - I'm sorry you are still feeling so bad. Is it a psychiatrist that prescribed your meds or the GP? I would say you really need to see a psych.

I know that life is busy but I ended up sectioned when my youngest was only 5. I was apart from my DC for a long time. Better to rest now than end up where I was. I'm not saying that is what will happen to you but if you'd twisted your ankle (for example) you'd have to rest. I know how exhausting it can be chasing things up and trying to get the help you need. Could your DP/H help with some phone calls? Sometimes it can help if a family member phones and says 'I'm really concerned about my family member'.

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