2nd thread: AIBU to OBJECT to being asked to reframe my trauma by Edinburgh Rape Crisis CEO?

[herewegogc]

Hi all 2nd thread as the last one was filling up fast.

Wadhwa laughed at a survivor while she stood up in a meeting at the Scottish Parliament to talk about how she needed single-sex spaces and sniggered and eye-rolled during a conversation about Male Violence against Women MVAW.

Everything about this whole situation is upsetting but this is so repulsive. It's such a betrayal of vulnerable women and children. Everyone involved in making and defending this appointment should be fired. If Sturgeon had anything resembling an actual conscience, she would resign. Disgusting.

I didn’t know that MW had laughed at a rape survivor. Do you know that for sure? To laugh at someone’s suffering is awful. This thread is so upsetting.

Is there a video or any proof of MW laughing at the survivor?

Thanks for starting the new thread OP and to all the other posters for the various links. It’s so important people open their eyes to what’s happening here, and the ramifications to wider society as well

Wadhwa laughed at a survivor while she stood up in a meeting at the Scottish Parliament to talk about how she needed single-sex spaces and sniggered and eye-rolled during a conversation about Male Violence against Women MVAW.

IMO that should have been a no no for this role in and of itself.

Ghislaine - I am really glad I started the original thread and am very grateful to @MNHQ for allowing it to stand in AIBU.

Latest from Glinner https://grahamlinehan.substack.com/p/mridrul-wadha-sacro-and-the-14-million?token=eyJ1c2VyX2lkIjoxMzk0Mzc1MSwicG9zdF9pZCI6Mzk5NjQyNTQsIl8iOiJhczc5ZSIsImlhdCI6MTYyODg2NzI4NiwiZXhwIjoxNjI4ODcwODg2LCJpc3MiOiJwdWItNjczMDkiLCJzdWIiOiJwb3N0LXJlYWN0aW9uIn0.rkoVAfz6qwseq5KmHcKqXy7lKOl8gVy4q55_y2f2EHs

herewego omg that article! Follow the money indeed. How on Earth do these organisations get away with this stuff! You would think we had the tories running the Scottish Parliament rather than the snp. Truly flabbergasted at such blatant dodgy dealings

@herewegogc

Latest from Glinner [[https://grahamlinehan.substack.com/p/mridrul-wadha-sacro-and-the-14-million?token=eyJ1c2VyX2lkIjoxMzk0Mzc1MSwicG9zdF9pZCI6Mzk5NjQyNTQsIl8iOiJhczc5ZSIsImlhdCI6MTYyODg2NzI4NiwiZXhwIjoxNjI4ODcwODg2LCJpc3MiOiJwdWItNjczMDkiLCJzdWIiOiJwb3N0LXJlYWN0aW9uIn0.rkoVAfz6qwseq5KmHcKqXy7lKOl8gVy4]]q55_y2f2EHs

It just keeps getting worse.

Why is MW seeing four survivors a week? Do these survivors know what MW is? Is it true?

That was at the job at Forth Valley.

The work is incredibly emotionally draining, so Wadhwa has to be balanced and mindful of her own emotional state. The Student asked her what she does to take care of herself: “Well I don’t deal with individual survivors every day, so for me what I do in terms of self-care is a lot of avoidance. I do see survivors – four a week usually – who help me stay connected to the cause…but it’s important to keep it fun. We should be able to laugh and use humour atwork.In terms of my team, I try to cook for them once a week or every other week.”

Beyond that, she recommends debriefing: “By talking about what it’s like for you, you are creating that distance and also you remind yourself that the survivors who come to our centre have other lives outside of the centre.”

Most importantly, rape crisis centres are spaces for those affected by sexual violence, most of whom are women. The Student asked Wadhwa if she believes a man could be a successful rape crisis centre manager. She does not: “I don’t think men are ready to go out and set up services of this nature. Women’s aid organisations and rape crisis centres have been set up with the blood, sweat, and tears of women. It’s about the women’s experience of sexual violence. Our workforce is reserved for women only.”

archive.is/LKBnH

Thank you, Purgatory.

Until I hear otherwise, I am inclined to the view that if MW felt it was important to personally meet a number of service users (aka women subjected to sexual violence) each week as part of a management role at Forth Valley RC, then MW will still think it important to do so as the CEO at Edinburgh.

And if MW doesn't have any counselling training or qualifications, again it begs the question why MW's doing it.

How on earth can something like this happen to services which have been established by the efforts of women, for women at a time of great need?

Men/males get to use them in a way which may heap more trauma on already traumatised women.

Today's (Friday's) update on this, courtesy of Graham Linehan.

grahamlinehan.substack.com/p/mridrul-wadha-sacro-and-the-14-million?r=a0bsx&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium

[quote Lynnikins]Today's (Friday's) update on this, courtesy of Graham Linehan.

grahamlinehan.substack.com/p/mridrul-wadha-sacro-and-the-14-million?r=a0bsx&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium[/quote]
Sorry, I see this link has already been posted. If I could find how to delete it I would.

[quote Lynnikins]Today's (Friday's) update on this, courtesy of Graham Linehan.

grahamlinehan.substack.com/p/mridrul-wadha-sacro-and-the-14-million?r=a0bsx&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium[/quote]
Not fishy AT ALL.

@Cailleach1

How on earth can something like this happen to services which have been established by the efforts of women, for women at a time of great need?

Men/males get to use them in a way which may heap more trauma on already traumatised women.

How?

www.spectator.co.uk/article/the-document-that-reveals-the-remarkable-tactics-of-trans-lobbyists

Most of what is in the public domain is narrated from Wadhwa's perspective, naturally.

I think this is interesting, as it is related from the point of view of someone meeting Wadhwa. If I have my sums right, this would have been a year or two before MW took up a role at Shakti Women's Aid.

virginiasroom.co.uk/f/on-validation-and-tolerance

I cannot help thinking that reframing a female survivor's trauma in regard to male transgender people would involve the opposite of what MW threatened in both the podcast and the statement intended to set the record straight.

Reframing a female survivor's trauma in this regard would involve helping her understand that if her involuntary trauma responses happen also in the presence of male transgender people, that's not because she is bigoted or prejudiced against transgender people, but because her brain correctly recognises their sex as male which in turn triggers her trauma responses.

It's not happening because she is triggered by transgender people but by males. That's not evidence of transphobia but evidence of trauma. And counsellors would help a survivor understand that.

This is why btw what MW wants to do cannot work other than by brainwashing. There is no way to stop your lizard brain recognising sex. It doesn't respond to reason. It's wholly instinctive. All you can do is brainwash a survivor to impress upon her the strict prohibition to vocalise that recognition and to object to the male's presence.

I mean FFS, I was in despair explaining to my counsellor that I couldn't stop my trauma responses when the nice nurse who came to take my blood turned out to be a man. (He was nice btw and I was in a place where I've always felt safe.) But I didn't know the surgery now had a male nurse, so I wasn't prepared. So my body went into fight or flight mode, while I'm just saying over and over again in my head I'm safe calm down I'm safe calm down I'm safe calm down I'm safe calm down and on and on to no avail.

I felt really bad about that and was not for the first time in my life grateful that mindreading is a science fiction trope and not real.

And my counsellor reframed my response for me, by explaining why it happened, why telling myself to calm down had zero effect and what I might try in that situation next time to work with my lizard brain instead of trying to fight it and above all she helped me understand that I wasn't a bad or mad person for reacting in that way.

(I'm sure there's a more scientific word for lizard brain but I can't remember right now.)

It's at the same time or shortly after MW started at Shakti (2005).

[quote PurgatoryOfPotholes]Most of what is in the public domain is narrated from Wadhwa's perspective, naturally.

I think this is interesting, as it is related from the point of view of someone meeting Wadhwa. If I have my sums right, this would have been a year or two before MW took up a role at Shakti Women's Aid.

virginiasroom.co.uk/f/on-validation-and-tolerance[/quote]
That's a very telling anecdote.

"It is the lie people objected to, not the person, not the person's choice or expression. It was the demand that our moral purity and values (kindness vs. truth) must be put on display, weighed and judged, that people objected to."

I think this absolutely nails how a lot of us feel about this. We don't care if someone is trans. We'll accept them as they are, like them for their character, most of us will use their preferred pronouns, and just go with the flow. But then we are tested as to how far do we really, deep down, believe that there's no difference between a trans woman and a natal one? Enough to let them join women's weightlifting? Enough to put aside our trauma and fear to prove our worth even if we just want to see a female counsellor after being raped?

What will be enough?

Sorry, I am a bit slow tonight…

But did I read that link correctly???

a) MW has argued for years that biological males who self ID as women (MW has no GRC) should provide trauma counselling and do rape tests on women? And if they refuse they are bigots??? After rape???

b) MW was so cross that women weren’t legally obligated to accept biological males as counsellors/do rape tests after rape that MW resigned form a political position?!!

c) a single sex service has now lost funding which has been given to a mixed sexed service where MW’s husband was a director until late this year?

Really?? Really???

YANBU

It's a ridiculous situation where I'm checking myself repeatedly to make sure I'm not being unkind...

Trans people should absolutely be able to access rape crisis services and I recognise their vulnerability. Some men and trans women will be excellent counsellors and there's no reason they can't be involved in providing rape crisis services. There should ideally be a variety of services - some that are totally inclusive, some that are women only but include trans women, some that exclude trans women...

The reality is though, that there is a clear need for women only services, where women does not include trans women. And this should be the majority of services, because the vast majority of victims of sexual assault are biological women and the vast majority of women who have experienced sexual assault need to be or have a very strong preference to be supported by other biological women.

In the name of being inclusive, women's services have changed into something that women are now quietly self-excluding from.

@LittleMyTopKnot

Sorry, I am a bit slow tonight…

But did I read that link correctly???

a) MW has argued for years that biological males who self ID as women (MW has no GRC) should provide trauma counselling and do rape tests on women? And if they refuse they are bigots??? After rape???

b) MW was so cross that women weren’t legally obligated to accept biological males as counsellors/do rape tests after rape that MW resigned form a political position?!!

c) a single sex service has now lost funding which has been given to a mixed sexed service where MW’s husband was a director until late this year?

Really?? Really???

Yes.