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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Upstairs toddler keeping me up at night

55 replies

NYA28 · 13/08/2021 10:48

I bought a flat 2 years ago, which I worked very hard to save for. There are two 1-bed flats in a converted house, I’m on the ground floor. Upstairs is tenanted and all’s been fine until about 3 months ago when a new family moved in (2 women, a man and a toddler around 18 months, unsure of the dynamic there.) I said hello a couple of times when they moved in but they weren’t really forthcoming, didn’t tell me their names or anything and gave the impression they don’t want to talk so we just keep ourselves to ourselves.

My issue is the toddler who likes to run, jump and throw things between (quite specific times of) 2-8am and in the evening around 7-11pm. This is in the room above my bedroom and obviously the ceiling is very thin in these types of buildings so this disturbs my sleep, to the point now where I’m starting to feel unwell from lack of sleep, both mentally and physically. The toddler is pretty quiet during the day and I don’t hear the adults much either (I’ve been WFH since the pandemic).

I understand the parents probably aren’t thrilled by their kid being awake at night and I don’t expect silence 24/7 when living in a flat and I get small children make noise but was wondering if they could do anything to help ‘soften’ the noise at night, like get the toddler to wear slippers or put some rugs down- but I’m not sure how to say this to them?

Also, in the 3 months they’ve lived here, I’ve never seen them take the baby out at all. We live opposite the beach and at the end of the road there’s a lovely park with a playground- I feel like if the baby could run around during the day outside instead of being bored in the flat he wouldn’t be so active at night? Again, don’t feel like this is my place to mention this to them?

What’s the best way to approach this? I feel bad that my first conversation with them would be me complaining but it's affecting my day-to-day, could I maybe put a polite note under the door? I’ve tried earplugs, sleeping on the sofa and at the moment I’m spending whole weekends at my mum’s just so I can get a decent night’s sleep- any serious advice would be appreciated.

OP posts:

Chocolatebuttercream · 13/08/2021 10:50

OP if they never take the toddler out and he is up all night then you need to phone social services, you are concerned about the child and they may need help.

toolazytothinkofausername · 13/08/2021 10:52

@Chocolatebuttercream

OP if they never take the toddler out and he is up all night then you need to phone social services, you are concerned about the child and they may need help.

I agree.

SmidgenofaPigeon · 13/08/2021 10:55

They’ve never taken the toddler out?! Don’t they go out?

ComtesseDeSpair · 13/08/2021 10:56

Letting them know that the noise is loud is the first place to start. They may not realise it’s as bothersome as it is. When we asked our next door neighbours if they could keep the noise down a bit as it was very loud through the adjoining wall, they were mortified- because they could hear any noise from us, they assumed it was because the walls were thick and we couldn’t hear them, either!

As to the rarely going out - perhaps they’re still shielding or trying to avoid contact with others.

If they aren’t responsive to a polite request to keep the noise down, use the Land Registry to find their landlord. It may be that the flooring or insulation is poor and needs upgrading - a lot of flat leases prohibit laminate or other hard floors.

lannistunut · 13/08/2021 10:59

There are three thngs that strike me here:

Addressing your lack of sleep - can you move rooms, can you get earplugs, can you wear noise cancelling headphones?
The child being up all night - can you hear anything else, are they speaking to him?
You are certain they NEVER take him out? I would find this very odd, perhaps you need to not speak to them but speak to social services as this sounds extremely unhealthy.

FredaFroo2 · 13/08/2021 11:02

Ffs nosey neighbor alert. How on earth do you know they don't take the kid out? Are you stalking them?! Ringing social services because you think but aren't sure... I seriously doubt they don't take the kid out, the kid would be screaming and running riot couped up inside all day! Crikey OP!
YABU toddlers go through sleep regressions at that age so it'll be an inconvenience for screw weeks or a month or two until back in a routine.
Don't ring social services first off, speak to their parents first and gauge the lie of the land from that. I would be then ring the local health visitor/wellbeing service rather than SS. The assigned HV will take it from there.

LakeShoreD · 13/08/2021 11:06

If you have genuine concerns about the toddler’s welfare then you should contact social services. I can’t see them buying rugs or slippers for you, you could ask but I wouldn’t hold my breath based on what you’ve said about them. You could find their landlord via the Land Registry and/or complain to the freeholder if you think they’ve done something in violation of the leasehold like remove the carpets. House conversion flats are notorious for noise problems though, ultimately you might have to consider moving.

FredaFroo2 · 13/08/2021 11:06

The toddler is pretty quiet during the day and I don’t hear the adults much either (I’ve been WFH since the pandemic).

Because they're probably out of the house!!!

lannistunut · 13/08/2021 11:08

@FredaFroo2

Ffs nosey neighbor alert. How on earth do you know they don't take the kid out? Are you stalking them?! Ringing social services because you think but aren't sure...

I seriously doubt they don't take the kid out, the kid would be screaming and running riot couped up inside all day! Crikey OP! YABU toddlers go through sleep regressions at that age so it'll be an inconvenience for screw weeks or a month or two until back in a routine. Don't ring social services first off, speak to their parents first and gauge the lie of the land from that. I would be then ring the local health visitor/wellbeing service rather than SS. The assigned HV will take it from there.

TBF, if the child is up between 2am and 8am, I think they are running riot.

I very rarely suggest reporting (and sometimes get flamed for suggesting not to), but if someone is sure a child has not left a flat for three months, then that is pretty unhealthy.

If they are not sure, then that is a different matter. One should always be sure before reporting things.

Orf1abc · 13/08/2021 11:11

"I’ve never seen them take the baby out at all" is not the same as "they never take the baby out".

I don't see my neighbours take their baby out, because I'm not sat watching for them all day.

FredaFroo2 · 13/08/2021 11:13

@lannistunut. Have you got/ had kids who are bad sleepers / gone through regressions?

FredaFroo2 · 13/08/2021 11:16

TBF, if the child is up between 2am and 8am, I think they are running riot.

Running riot in the day... If she can't hear them in the day they're probably out!!!

Sounds just like a sleep regression to me, sleeps well for the first half and can't get back to sleep from the second half.

What would be much better for the parents is neighbourly support rather than the an accusation to SS for something you're not sure of!

rainyskylight · 13/08/2021 11:22

@FredaFroo2 no, not quite a tale of two halves. OP has said that they are quiet 11pm-2am and running around otherwise 7-11pm and 2am-8am? So that’s 3 hours sleep.

Bollindger · 13/08/2021 11:24

You can't control a child, you can control your own room.
Maybe headphones, white noise or something else.
Having a go at upstairs will just mean your o bad terms and stressed at the thought of seeing each other.
If you want no noise you nerd a detracted house.

lannistunut · 13/08/2021 11:25

[quote FredaFroo2]@lannistunut. Have you got/ had kids who are bad sleepers / gone through regressions? [/quote]
Yes - I did not say anything about the sleep other than to ask if the OP heard anthing else.

You can read my post above - I asked for more detail but stand by if the OP is CERTAIN they NEVER take the child out, that woudl be odd.

Robotcustard · 13/08/2021 11:28

@FredaFroo2vor perhaps she doesn’t hear the toddler during the day because it is sleeping to make up for being up all night?

monty09 · 13/08/2021 11:31

@FredaFroo2 I lived in my last house 7 years and my neighbours over the road from me had 5 children the only time they left the house was when then went to school, never any other time, so it does happen.

FredaFroo2 · 13/08/2021 11:33

Well SS should always be a last resort after discussion with parents if at all possible.

Thevoiceofreason2021 · 13/08/2021 11:36

Have a word with your neighbours and let them know you can’t sleep due to the noise. I know my little one went through a phase of being up 2.30 till 7am which was exhausting, but I did take her to another room , specifically to stop her waking the neighbours up. Just talk face to face and be polite , generally people are very understanding. If you have concerns about a child’s welfare you should call social services. We have all read the papers recently with the appalling care some kids receive. If the child is fine SS will walk away.

lannistunut · 13/08/2021 11:37

@FredaFroo2

Well SS should always be a last resort after discussion with parents if at all possible.

Respectfully, I do not agree. If I do not know someone at all, I am not going to always feel comfortable approaching them about a difficult subject.

With experience of foster caring, I would not be keen to approach some of the families directly. Most are fine - the issue is you do not know who is who until AFTER the conversation.

thisisthebestest · 13/08/2021 11:39

Is it possible to swap your bedroom and your sitting room over so you aren't trying to sleep directly order the noise.

I also think you will get used to it and sleep through.

Original poster

NYA28 · 13/08/2021 11:39

To clarify everyone's messages about them not going out- the adults go out, they all pop in and out separately but never seen the child out with them. Completely plausible they have taken the child out when I'm not here, just mentioning that he seems to spend a lot of time at home.

I'm not stalking them, as I said I work from home in my living room and the window curves to face the front door, so I naturally see who goes in and out. Also like I said the walls/ceilings are very thin so I hear them coming in/out the door, walking up stairs, talking, the TV etc (this doesn't bother me as it's normal noise).

Regarding the health visitor, they've come by a few times and left notes through the front door asking upstairs to contact them. I don't know upstairs' situation, like some people said they might be shielding etc so would like to speak to them first but would like some advice on a polite way to go about it as although I'm not a parent, I can imagine it's not the easiest job getting a toddler to not stamp around at 2am!

OP posts:

Panickingpavlova · 13/08/2021 11:40

Hi op, lots of babies have sadly lost their lives recently and it seems the public ringing in to the the police or ss has played some part in evidence.

In the first instance I would call ss and see what they say
... It's absolutely not normal to have a toddler up all night.

It's always worth checking out.
Just call and don't make yourself known.

Panickingpavlova · 13/08/2021 11:42

Op, in the nicest way I'd leave this to the authorities, maybe even speak to the local health visitor team

We all have a duty to look out for dc around us, all of us.

Maybe they are shielding or doing a million other perfectly plausible things in which case all will be fine when they are checked out.

leavingthispoohole · 13/08/2021 11:42

I would let them know the noise is disturbing you. I wouldn't concern myself in the welfare of the child to be honest, as you wont be able to prove anything and could cause huge issues with them.
I would also invest in a white noise machine, will block out every noise going and you should sleep soundly!

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