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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To want family to stop commenting on what I eat?

54 replies

ThatsNotMyPinkUnicorn · 13/08/2021 09:19

I don’t think I’m being unreasonable but I’d welcome any nice ways of approaching this as I don’t think it’s meant meanly or anything but it is upsetting me a bit.

So for context I’ve lost a lot of weight. I was seventeen and a half stone at my biggest, although that was when I was at 40 weeks pregnant so obviously some of that was the actual baby! I lost a stone and a half pretty much without trying in the 6 weeks post partum and then decided to go on an actual diet - meal replacement - beginning of February. I weighed exactly 16 stone then. So whether you take it as 17 and a half or 16 I’ve still lost a fair bit. Am 12 stone now.

I want to get down to 10, but I’m human and I do sometimes fail, especially now it’s summer so am meeting friends, going out more, and so sometimes life gets in the way.

What is driving me a bit mad though is DH commenting on it. Like he moved my car yesterday to allow another car on our drive and then came in carrying a crisp packet and a big grin and ‘ooh I found evidence.’ That’s an example but this sort of stuff happens all the time. Went for a meal with his parents and I ate then and they all went on about it.

I’m not looking for smart comebacks but I do want to tell him actually it makes me uncomfortable. I don’t comment on his pizzas and beers!

OP posts:

Bagelsandbrie · 13/08/2021 10:24

I think you need to be a bit careful if you’re relying mostly on meal replacements to lose the weight. I say that kindly but - from experience- you will just put it back on unless you completely change the way you live. But yeah your family need to shut up and leave you alone. You don’t need them policing what you eat.

Wnikat · 13/08/2021 10:27

Eating real food isn't failure.

Crowsaregreat · 13/08/2021 10:27

The grin-crisp-packet-evidence thing would have me explaining quite clearly that his sex appeal just dropped 7000 points

TooMuchPaper · 13/08/2021 10:31

Are you eating meal replacements 3 times a day, 7 days a week? Your language about eating normal food seems a bit odd.

JingsMahBucket · 13/08/2021 10:34

@thanksforyourcommentrandomman

It's fucking annoying isn't it, I too have lost a large amount of weight. I was in the office yesterday and took a massive (not mumsnet massive) salad - 1 small chicken breast and the rest was leaves and other veg. As I emptied it onto a plate the first comment "wow, that's a lot of food" and someone else "can't believe you're going to eat all that". Both men, both overweight. As I know them well I just said "well you 2 fat bastards could take a leaf out of my book". Harsh but necessary I think.

Brava! I wonder what their reactions were.

Original poster

ThatsNotMyPinkUnicorn · 13/08/2021 10:35

@Bagelsandbrie

To be fair though that’s true whatever diet you do, if you resume unhealthy habits you will gain the weight again.

OP posts:

Flamglimglubberty · 13/08/2021 10:36

I'm partial to treats and consider myself to be a healthy weight, I'm more than happy with my weight and shape. I eat a balanced diet overall with a moderate amount of exercise.

Despite this, DH used to comment every single fucking time I had a treat. The way he behaved was as if I'm morbidly obese and this specific double decker will be the one that finishes me off. I've started doing the same to him every time he has a drink. He doesn't have a drinking problem, but on a Friday when he cracks open a beer I make a point of commenting "oh drinking again are you?" He seems to have got the point and backed off with the comments on my food.

Find something DH enjoys and start commenting on it, see how he likes it.

FlowerArranger · 13/08/2021 10:39

@Bagelsandbrie

Totally agree with @Bagelsandbrie!!

@ThatsNotMyPinkUnicorn - you've done tremendously well losing so much, but you cannot rely on meal replacements as a long term strategy to control your weight. Now is the time to transition to real food that will satisfy you without being unhealthy.

I suggest you look at Mediterranean diets, especially Middle Eastern/Lebanese. Lots of interesting ways of preparing vegetables, delicious salads, lentils and chickpeas, plus lean protein, especially chicken. This type of food will reawaken your palate, and your family will probably enjoy it as well.

thanksforyourcommentrandomman · 13/08/2021 10:44

@JingsMahBucket they just laughed sadly. It's a very male dominated workplace and sometimes they just can't help themselves unfortunately. I've still got around 1.5 stone to go (have lost 6) and once a month I'll treat myself to a bacon sandwich when they do the butty run - they have one every day - but I always have to "watch myself, I don't want to put ALL the weight back on, do I?". Drives me spare and I've told them so many times, doesn't make a difference

LH1987 · 13/08/2021 10:45

Well done on the weight loss! You have inspired me to continue with baby weight loss (after a takeaway tonight 😜).

It’s difficult because I know when I am on a diet, I talk about it a lot so people probably notice more when you take a break. I think you should tell him to mind his own business, or point to his stomach and tell him that you have found the evidence of all his eating.

thanksforyourcommentrandomman · 13/08/2021 10:48

Those people picking apart what the OP has said, you do realise you're just as bad as her husband. She doesn't need telling what she should and shouldn't be eating, she's doing very well as she is and doesn't need advice on what to do.

Well done on your loss so far OP, you're doing great

takealettermsjones · 13/08/2021 10:53

Congratulations on your weight loss!

Re. your husband, does he think he's being supportive, i.e. reminding you of your own diet goals and 'keeping you on track'? I'm not saying he's going the right way about it, but if you don't tell him, he might think he's being helpful.

My DH went through a period of needing to lose some weight, but I didn't. So we ended up eating quite differently for a while. He started this habit of telling me the calories of things I was eating, or saying "we had X for dinner so maybe we should have Y (something healthier) for tea" etc. It was subconscious I'm sure but he was trying to turn his own diet rules into house rules I sat him down and explained that I didn't give a monkey's how many calories were in my food and he needed to stop. He did!

BashfulClam · 13/08/2021 10:54

My mother tried this once at a christening. I had actually lost a lot of weight but she’s obese. I had two triangle sandwiches, some crisps etc from the buffet and she had to say ‘oh watch you don’t gain back the weight!’ What from one buffet? It was a performance for the family.

Original poster

ThatsNotMyPinkUnicorn · 13/08/2021 10:56

I honestly think he just thinks he’s being a bit funny. It isn’t mean so I don’t want to make a big thing about it and make him feel bad but I’ll have to it it carries on.

It obviously isn’t cheap to do so I do feel pressured to stick to it in that sense but on the other hand like I say I’m not perfect or infallible and I don’t want to go down the route of hiding when I eat food.

OP posts:

pcmcgregor · 13/08/2021 11:26

@thanksforyourcommentrandomman

Well done on your loss so far OP, you're doing great

This

BeautyGoesToBenidorm · 13/08/2021 12:06

You've done brilliantly on your weight loss! Meal replacements can be a divisive subject, but often those plans can give you the kickstart and boost you need to carry on into a healthier path going forward.

I had an ex who was a total arsehole about my weight - I was a size 10 when I met him, and the smaller end of size 6 with a raging eating disorder when we broke up. He actually said to me "All you need to eat is lettuce, that way you'll never be fat like you are now" 😳😳

You're clearly doing this for YOU, and that's the way it should be. Do your best to ignore the little digs and jibes, and enjoy the treats!1

FlowerArranger · 13/08/2021 12:38

I absolutely agree that OP is doing fantastically well and should be congratulated as her huge weight loss is down to her own determination and willpower.

However, sadly, many studies have shown that most people who follow this strategy EXCLUSIVLY will ultimately regain the weight they have lost. Only a fundamental change in attitude to food and the amount and type of food consumed will keep the weight off.

6 months is a long time to rely on meal replacements. The end is in sight, so now is a good time to SLOWLY introduce real but healthy foods. I suggested Mediterranean diets as being an easy, tasty and effective strategy to transition to a healthy diet.

Exercise obviously also helps. Walking is always good, but doing 20-30 minutes of focused exercise a day will not only burn a few calories but will also lead to a generally better attitude to health and a healthy lifestyle.

FangsForTheMemory · 13/08/2021 12:41

I would say your DH feels threatened. Is he at all overweight?

Original poster

ThatsNotMyPinkUnicorn · 13/08/2021 12:43

That’s true of any diet.

“ Exercise obviously also helps. Walking is always good, but doing 20-30 minutes of focused exercise a day will not only burn a few calories but will also lead to a generally better attitude to health and a healthy lifestyle”

I’m fat, not stupid!

OP posts:

AgentJohnson · 13/08/2021 12:49

Some people don’t hear themselves. I’m a huge fan of mirroring people’s bad behaviour, I.e I would repeat anything they’ve said before back to them, before they can. This allows you to take back the power from their words and to deflect any embarrassment right back at them.

I have been known to have a two way conversation with myself explaining why I’m doing x,y and z. I just love watching them splutter.and deny or make excuses.

UnRavellingFast · 13/08/2021 12:57

Ironic that OP is asking for advice on interfering comments and unasked-for advice and gets in response a lot of… yeah you get it!

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 13/08/2021 13:00

YANBU at all. You are amazing for your weight loss so far!

StatisticallyChallenged · 14/08/2021 09:55

@UnRavellingFast

Ironic that OP is asking for advice on interfering comments and unasked-for advice and gets in response a lot of… yeah you get it!

Well indeed. Doesn't matter what approach you take to weight loss, someone will always tell you that you're doing it wrong.

I'm trying to lose weight just now, not managed as much as OP yet but getting there. The one blessing of covid/mandatory wfh/partial lockdown is that it's been very easy to keep it quiet so I'm not subjected to every other bugger's opinion and commentary. My DH thankfully wouldn't dare

charmingthebirds · 14/08/2021 10:25

I think the answer is the same as for anyone commenting on personal things -

'And that's your business because . . . ?'

gingerbiscuits · 14/08/2021 11:07

Wow!! You've lost 4 stone since Feb?? That's bloody awesome - well done!!

Tell him to shut up & keep his shitty, sarcastic, unhelpful comments to himself. He should be bloody proud of you & supportive & understanding.

Not only have you lost all that weight, you've not long had a baby, too - you're amazing & he needs to realise that!

Don't be too timid to say anything- he's being an arsehole!!

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