To feel depressed and want to cry when I think of this rockstar?

[LangyThorpey]

I doubt many on here will know him but I’m talking about Layne Staley from Alice in Chains. I was a fan in my teens but have rediscovered the band in my 40s and he just makes me want to cry. His whole life was plagued with depression and drug addiction. When you listen to his live unplugged stuff you can literally hear the pain in his voice. When he died, he laid undiscovered for 2 weeks, nobody missed him in that time. He was over 6ft tall and weighed around 5 stone when he died. His body was eventually discovered by his own mother. In his final months he spent his time alone in his apartment playing computer games alone. I don’t know what it is about him, I know there are many sad celebrity deaths but for some reason his really upsets me. Maybe it’s because he looks like my son, I don’t know.

If you’re interested go on YouTube and search for nutshell unplugged by Alice in chains to see what I’m talking about regarding his obvious pain.

AIBU to feel so deeply about this? He just makes me want to cry. Armchair psychologists, feel free to tell me why I’m feeling like this. I suspect it’s because he reminds me of my son so much, it’s heart breaking.

I don't know the musician but I don't think it's unusual to feel sad about anyone's life who ended up like this. You are just being compassionate and sympathetic like many of us do when we hear of sad turns of life like this.
Fashion & popular music industries particularly seem to produce a lot of casualties in relation to addiction, depression and suicide which is very sad.

I know what you mean. He was so incredibly ill before he died, it’s such a sad story.

I still feel tearful listening to Soundgarden and Audioslave, Chris Cornell had such a beautiful voice. Another tragedy.

Did you have a crush on him in your teens and therefore thought thought at the time you actually knew him? I had a crush on a band member in my teens and when he died l was devastated and it still has the capacity to upset me although so many stars have died tragically but l don't get upset about the others. It's like l think l knew him personally.

Yes very very sad.
Kurt Cobain is another one.
Alice in chains were great, there’s some great bands come about because of them.

@LangyThorpey
How old was Layne when he died? How old is your son?

Apparently when Layne's mum went to his apartment to check on him, she knew something was wrong as his (normally very placid) cat was going mad behind the door, jumping and scratching when she knocked. For me this detail just capped the sheer horror of the situation (Jerry Cantrell took on the cat and she lived to a good age I believe). Sorry OP, I don't have anything meaningful to say but it is such a sad story - wonder how much he was affected by his ex gf's death or whether it was "just" an addiction that could not be overcome. (Incidentally, his ex gf makes a random appearance in Mark Lanegan's excellent autobiography).

It feels heartbreaking because it is; he was so obviously desperately unwell and unhappy. You didn't know him personally, but listening to his music gave you a connection to him, and it's a normal human reaction to feel a sense of sorrow at the circumstances of his life and death.

I completely understand. I rediscovered the band as well (thx Spotify) and watching the unplugged show just broke my heart.

The guy looked so vulnerable and weak. But yet he had this amazing voice.

It sticks in my head, I was pregnant when Layne died and I chose his name for a boy (had a girl!)

The mark lanegan book recommended upthread is a whole new insight into that scene

Layne was 34 when he died. My son is 20 and suffers from depression and alcoholism as well as dabbling with drugs. It doesn’t help that he’s the spitting image of him 😫
Its the loneliness that gets me, and the complete helplessness. Layne was too far gone to ever recover and it’s almost like he knew it and had accepted it. Poor bloody bloke and his poor mother 😢

Mamma Cass and Karen Carpenter have the same impact on me

I remember him. Died from a speedball.

I feel the same now about Chester Bennington.

Did anyone read all the stuff online when chris Cornell passed away? About his second wife?

I don’t have the answer to why you feel this way OP but I will say it sounds like you’re a lovely person who has buckets of empathy

Totally understand. Heartbroken doesn't cover it for me about Chester Bennington even though I never knew him personally and I don't think I'll ever get over his death. When I think about how dark his last moments must have been it genuinely hurts me.

Also, I love Alice in Chains - excellent band and the world lost an amazing vocalist in Layne. Same when Chris Cornell died.

Its not unusual OP, you're just an empathetic person. We form parasocial relationships with people in the media who we connect with at some psychological level, probably related to our own experience or people we know in real life (para doesn't mean abnormal in the sense, just 'extra' to social relationships we have in real life). We might not even be aware of the psychological reasons we connect with them. Right now I'm wondering if I'm lacking in empathy. My upstairs neighbour is an elderly alcoholic, the quiet type, doesn't cause any trouble, just stays up there and drinks, and I don't think he'll come to a good end. But I've had trouble with him soaking his bathroom floor and it dripping through my ceiling. I know I should feel bad about his situation but I've had so much going on in my own life, my own problems, and I'm ashamed to say my reaction this weekend when it happened again was 'oh ffs....'

Layne was so sad alright. The Mad Season album is amazing too and the lyrics really show what he was going through.

Chris Cornell's death really hit me too.

My sister bought a house years ago where the previous owner had died and was undiscovered for over a year. I never knew the person but his death still makes me incredibly sad. Its the lonliness before and after, no one missed him. I know he's not famous but it clutches my soul.

It sounds like a sad situation so it’s not an AIBU question or not.

Feeling depressed over it several years after it happened, when it’s someone that you didn’t know, isn’t what I’d describe as normal.

Again, it’s a sad situation but I think for your own MH you need to stop fixating over it OP.

I wish you well x

Gosh OP, I mean this kindly, you don't sound to be in a good place.

Please try to stop focusing on this stuff.

Do you think it could be a kind of 'referred grief/sadness' a bit like referred pain? The sadness you are feeling is the sadness you feel for your son. In a way it is a straightforward sadness uncomplicated by other emotions.

I wasnt especially upset when DF died. Mostly what I felt was relief that it was finally over (he had been desperately ill) and guilt for feeling relief.

A short time after DF died a character in a soap opera died and I felt a disproportionate amount of sadness at that story line. In time I realised that what I was feeling was the grief for DF but just referred to this character. It was easier to feel grief for the character because it wasnt tied up with other complicated emotions.

I think the death of Diana had a similar effect on many people.

@GnomeDePlume

Do you think it could be a kind of 'referred grief/sadness' a bit like referred pain? The sadness you are feeling is the sadness you feel for your son. In a way it is a straightforward sadness uncomplicated by other emotions.

I wasnt especially upset when DF died. Mostly what I felt was relief that it was finally over (he had been desperately ill) and guilt for feeling relief.

A short time after DF died a character in a soap opera died and I felt a disproportionate amount of sadness at that story line. In time I realised that what I was feeling was the grief for DF but just referred to this character. It was easier to feel grief for the character because it wasnt tied up with other complicated emotions.

I think the death of Diana had a similar effect on many people.

Yea I think that is probably what is happening. I’m so sad about my son but can’t allow myself to focus too deeply on it or I’ll just break down. I wonder if my brain just finds is less traumatic to focus my emotions on Layne instead 😢

Rock music, especially 90s, is my favourite genre. I get it completely. The whole thing was tragic.

I've actually been listening a lot of Linkin Park and Soundgarden recently. Chris Cornell and Chester Benningtons deaths hit me hard, still do. Videos of live shows where they're singing together makes me cry.

Alice In Chains is one of my all time favorite bands. Layne was a phenomenal vocalist and it was tragic what happened to him.